Sian Thompson Counselling

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10/01/2026

People-pleasing isn’t always saying yes to everything or putting everyone else first.

Sometimes it looks like:

• over-explaining yourself
• feeling guilty for resting
• worrying you’ve upset someone when you haven’t
• replaying conversations in your head
• avoiding difficult conversations at all costs
• agreeing just to keep the peace
• feeling responsible for other people’s emotions
• struggling to ask for help
• feeling anxious when someone seems distant
• being “low maintenance” so you don’t feel like a burden

Many people learn these patterns early on as a way of staying safe or connected. At the time, they made sense.

But over time, people-pleasing can leave you exhausted, anxious and constantly scanning for approval instead of checking in with yourself and what it is that you need.

Getting people-pleasing under control isn’t about becoming selfish or uncaring.
It’s about learning that your needs, feelings, and boundaries matter too.

And no...you don’t have to stop being kind to do that 💛

29/12/2025

People who are kind, empathetic, and conscientious often struggle the most in narcissistic or toxic family systems.

Not because they’re weak, but because they have a conscience. They reflect. They care deeply about the impact they have on others. They try to do the right thing, even when it costs them.

In families where emotional safety isn’t present, those qualities can slowly be turned against you. Your empathy becomes “over-sensitivity”. Your need for honesty is labelled as being dramatic or difficult. Your boundaries are reframed as cruelty or rejection. Over time, you may be led to believe that you are the problem.

One of the most painful parts of these dynamics, especially when a parent is involved, is the rewriting of the narrative. Who you are gets distorted. Your intentions are questioned. Your character is slowly chipped away at.

For some people, distance or estrangement isn’t a choice at all. They are pushed out, frozen out, or quietly excluded... and then blamed for the separation that follows.

For others, distance is a choice made slowly and painfully, after years of trying to make things work. Often it comes after realising that staying means continuing to be hurt, blamed, or diminished.

Both experiences can carry enormous guilt, grief, and self-doubt - particularly when you’ve been told for years that you’re selfish, ungrateful, or “too much”.

Please hear this... people who are genuinely unkind rarely spend this much time questioning whether they’re the problem.

Your empathy is not the issue.
Your boundaries are not cruelty.
And whether distance was forced or chosen, it does not mean you failed as a son or daughter.

You are allowed to hold onto what you know to be true about yourself -even when someone else has tried to rewrite the story 🤍

28/12/2025

The festive period can be hard for a lot of people - even when it looks like it 'should' be joyful.

For some, this time of year brings up complicated feelings around family.

That might mean managing difficult relationships, feeling pressure to keep the peace, or carrying a sense of sadness, guilt, or dread.

For others, it can be hard in a different way, because there is distance or estrangement from family.

That absence can bring its own mix of emotions:
• grief
• relief
• loneliness
• or a feeling of being “out of step” with what everyone else seems to be celebrating.

If you’re someone who tends to put others first, this season can be especially exhausting.

Old expectations resurface.
Emotions feel closer to the surface.
And it can be difficult to honour your own needs without feeling selfish.

If you’re finding this time of year difficult, there’s nothing wrong with you and you're most definitely not on your own in the way you feel.

Your feelings make sense in the context of your experiences.

You’re allowed to take things at your own pace.
You’re allowed to protect your energy.
And you’re allowed to feel however you feel about it 🤍

18/12/2025

If you’ve spent years putting other people first, setting boundaries can feel deeply uncomfortable.

Guilt often shows up quickly, even when you know logically that what you’re doing is reasonable.

That guilt doesn’t mean you’re being unkind or selfish. It often comes from old patterns where keeping the peace felt safer than expressing your needs 🤎

10/10/2025

🌿 World Mental Health Day 🌿

I remember a time when I felt like I had to keep everything together; smile, stay strong, try and keep going no matter what. But over the years, I’ve learned that strength doesn’t mean pretending everything’s fine. It’s allowing yourself to feel, to rest, to ask for help when you need it.

Through my work as a counsellor I’ve seen how powerful it can be when someone finally says, “I’m struggling.” It’s often the first brave step towards healing.

So if today, or any day, feels tough, please be kind to yourself. Take things slowly. You don’t have to do it all. You don’t have to do it alone.

The little things... a walk, a chat, a quiet moment, they matter more than you realise.

You matter more than you realise. 💚

30/08/2025

The smear campaign.

You may hear things like:

“She’s unstable.”
“She’s just doing this for attention.”
“After everything I did for her…”
“She’s under their influence — she’s not thinking straight.”

They twist the truth, weaponise your vulnerability, and present themselves as the victim — all to discredit you and regain control.

But what makes it even more devastating is when people believe them.

Not just strangers - but family members, friends, people who once saw the truth.

They carry the smear campaign forward, often not out of cruelty, but because they’re still entangled in the dysfunction.

It feels safer to protect the narcissist than to challenge the narrative.

Safer to align with them than risk being their next target.

And for you, the survivor, that brings a whole new wave of pain:

Shame

Confusion

Isolation

Grief - especially grief for the people who chose the story over you 😔

If you’re living in the wreckage of someone else’s version of your story, please know this:

You are not what they say you are.

Your truth still matters — even if others pretend not to see it.

You don’t have to carry their story forever.
Healing is possible — and you deserve to be believed, supported, and seen.

Message me if this feels familiar. You don’t have to do it alone 🤍

26/08/2025

Your inner critic loves to tell you lies - and the more you listen, the more your self esteem is eroded.

Here are 3 of the most common lies it tells:

▪️ "I'm not good enough"
▪️"If I fail, I'm a failure"
▪️"Everyone else has it all figured out"

The truth is you are enough, mistakes don't define you, and nobody has it all together.

Therapy can help you quiet that inner critic and build a kinder, more confident relationship with yourself.

🤍

24/08/2025

That harsh inner voice - the one that says "you're not good enough", "you'll fail", or "why even bother" - it isn't the truth.

It's your Inner critic. And while it might feel loud, it doesn't have to control you.

Building Self Esteem starts with:

▪️ Noticing the voice - almost being an observer to it.

▪️ Challenging whether it is accurate.

▪️ Practicing speaking to yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a friend

🤍

04/06/2025

💜 Hi everyone 👋

I am looking for 5 people willing to share a brief quote with me, to describe the impact coercive control has had on them.

💜 If you are interested in sharing a quote, by EMAILING me, please let me know if you want me to use your first name or if you want to remain anonymous.

💜 I'm looking to use the quotes in my training.

🛑 Please be mindful before posting that this page is open and available for all to see.

💜 Thank you 🫶

__________________________________________________
🫶 Samantha Billingham
💜 Face and founder of SODA
💻 sodasambillingham@gmail.com

07/05/2025

If you’ve ever been made out to be the villain in someone else’s story, this is your reminder: it was never about the truth — it was about control. Narcissists rewrite reality to suit their agenda.

09/03/2025

Do you ever find yourself feeling guilty, even when you haven't done anything wrong? 😔

Guilt is a natural response when we make mistakes... But sometimes it is a learned reaction. We've been conditioned to feel guilty whenever we set boundaries, put ourselves first, or don't meet someone else's expectations.

Remember, not all guilt is yours to carry.

Therapy can help you to explore why guilt is weighing so heavily on you and to unpick where it stems from.

02/02/2025

Do you find yourself saying 'yes' when often what you really want to say is 'no'? Do you worry about offending people? Do you think they won't like you if you say 'no'? 😔 There are many reasons we adopt this people pleasing habit... Every time you say yes to something that drains you, you will be losing touch with a little part of yourself 🤍

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Stourbridge

Website

http://www.sianthompsoncounselling.co.uk/

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