Nicola Clarke Counselling and Psychotherapy

28/04/2026

What It’s Like to Be a Trauma Counsellor?

For me, being a trauma counsellor isn’t about diving straight into painful memories or asking people to relive what hurt them, it’s about creating a space where someone finally feels safe enough to slow down, breathe, and not carry everything on their own.

Here’s what the work feels like from my side of the room.

💛 I hold space, not pressure

When someone sits with me, I’m not thinking about “fixing” them, I’m focused on being steady, present, and human. Trauma can make the world feel unpredictable — my job is to offer a space that isn’t. The relationship which we build in sessions is the core to healing.

🧠 I pay attention to the nervous system, not just the story

Trauma shows up in the body long before it shows up in words. The anxiety, the shutdowns, the numbness, the overthinking, disrupted sleep — these are all survival responses. I help people understand that nothing about their reactions is “crazy” or “wrong”, it’s their nervous system trying to protect them.

🌱 We go slowly, because safety comes first

Good trauma work is paced. Before we touch on the past, we build:

• grounding
• emotional regulation
• trust
• a sense of choice

Healing only happens when someone feels safe enough to stay present with themselves.

🧩 I look for patterns with compassion

Trauma often hides in:

• relationships
• boundaries
• self-worth
• coping habits
• the way someone talks to themselves

I’m not looking for what’s “wrong” with a person — I’m looking for what happened to them and how it shaped the way they survive.

🕊️ I get to witness people reclaim themselves

One of the most meaningful parts of this work is watching someone reconnect with parts of themselves they thought were lost — confidence, joy, hope, a sense of possibility. It’s not about erasing the past, it’s about changing the way it lives inside you.

🌻 And honestly… it’s a privilege

People trust me with things they’ve carried alone for years. I don’t take that lightly and I show up with care, compassion, knowledge and a steady presence — because no one should have to heal in isolation.

If you have been carrying something for far too long and would like to give counselling a try, please visit my website for more information or send me an email and we can arrange a free initial consultation.

My name is Nicola and I am a qualified Integrative Counsellor, registered with the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP).

11/04/2026

Trigger warning!!

April - Sexual Assault Awareness Month

April marks Sexual Assault Awareness Month, a time dedicated to breaking silence, raising understanding, and standing alongside survivors. Sexual violence affects people of every age, background, and community — yet too often, it remains hidden behind shame, fear, or stigma that never belonged to survivors in the first place.

Sexual abuse leaves deep scars, but it never defines who you are. In my practice, I specialise in supporting survivors as they navigate the complex emotions, memories, and challenges that can surface long after the abuse has ended.

If you’re ready to explore your story in a safe, confidential space, I’m here to help you reclaim your voice, your boundaries, and your sense of self.

You deserve healing. You deserve safety. You deserve support.

My name is Nicola and I am a qualified Integrative Counsellor, registered with the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP).

10/04/2026

Self-care

Self‑care is more than a treat or a moment of escape; it’s the ongoing practice of giving yourself the attention, rest, and compassion you need to function well. When life gets busy, it’s often the first thing to slip — yet it’s one of the strongest foundations for emotional balance, resilience, and overall wellbeing. I’ve gathered a range of supportive tools, ideas, and gentle reminders to help you build a self‑care routine that feels realistic and nourishing rather than overwhelming.

You can explore these resources on my website and find the approaches that fit naturally into your everyday life.

Self-Help Guide to Self-Care by NicolaClarke | Jan 6, 2026 | Mental Health, Self Help 1. What Is Self-Care? Self-care is the practice of taking action to preserve or improve your own health, wellbeing, and happiness. It’s not selfish or indulgent, it’s essential for maintaining resilience, preve...

03/04/2026

Sitting drinking tea reflecting on what’s important to me in life!! A day off, time to relax, drinking tea with the door open (bit chilly) and listening to the birds. I love Spring when everything in the garden is starting to wake up and it’s a shame the weather didn’t get the long weekend memo lol!!

Alongside my counselling work, I’m also a carer for my mum who has dementia, so it’s important for me to find time to care for myself too. This is it, something so simple but brings me peace. We don’t always need big ‘self care’ gestures, a few moments of peace and reflection can mean a lot. On that note, I need more tea ☕️ !!

Have a lovely weekend and I hope you can find some time in your busy day to just stop and take a breath 🥰.

Nicola x

01/04/2026

Unhelpful Thinking Habits

A guide to recognising and challenging common cognitive patterns - we all have them. Which ones apply to you?

Unhelpful thinking habits are automatic mental shortcuts that can distort how we interpret situations. They’re common, especially during stress, and they can intensify difficult emotions. Learning to spot them is the first step toward loosening their grip.

🧠 1. All‑or‑Nothing Thinking

Seeing things in extremes — good or bad, success or failure.

Examples:

• “If I don’t do this perfectly, I’ve failed.”
• “One mistake means I’m useless.”

Try instead: Look for the middle ground. Ask, “What’s a more balanced way to see this?”

🔮 2. Fortune Telling

Predicting the future as if it’s already decided.

Examples:

• “I know this will go wrong.”
• “There’s no point trying — it won’t work.”

Try instead: Focus on what you can influence and acknowledge uncertainty.

🧩 3. Mind Reading

Assuming you know what others think without evidence.

Examples:

• “They think I’m annoying.”
• “Everyone noticed my mistake.”

Try instead: Ask yourself, “What facts do I actually have?”

🎭 4. Catastrophising

Imagining the worst‑case scenario and treating it as inevitable.

Examples:

• “If I mess this up, everything will fall apart.”
• “This small problem means disaster.”

Try instead: Consider the most likely outcome, not the scariest one.

🎯 5. Shoulds & Musts

Rigid rules about how you or others “should” behave.

Examples:

• “I should always cope.”
• “They must treat me fairly.”

Try instead: Replace “should” with “I’d prefer” or “It would be helpful if…”

🧱 6. Emotional Reasoning

Treating feelings as facts.

Examples:

• “I feel guilty, so I must have done something wrong.”
• “I feel anxious, so I’m in danger.”

Try instead: Notice the feeling, then ask, “What does the evidence say?”

🕳️ 7. Mental Filtering

Focusing only on the negative and ignoring the positive.

Examples:

• “Nine things went well, but I’m stuck on the one that didn’t.”
• “They complimented me, but I only heard the criticism.”

Try instead: Intentionally look for what did go well.

🧮 8. Overgeneralising

Drawing broad conclusions from a single event.

Examples:

• “I failed once, so I’ll always fail.”
• “People have let me down before, so no one can be trusted.”

Try instead: Remind yourself that one moment doesn’t define a pattern.

🧍 9. Personalisation

Blaming yourself for things outside your control.

Examples:

• “It’s my fault they’re upset.”
• “If something goes wrong, it must be because of me.”

Try instead: Ask, “What other factors might be involved?”

🧭 A Simple Practice - the 3‑Step thought check

1. Notice the thought
“What’s going through my mind right now?”
2. Name the thinking habit
“Ah, that’s catastrophising.”
3. Nudge the thought
“What’s a more balanced or helpful way to see this?”

27/03/2026

Why Trauma Can Disrupt Sleep

Sleep problems are extremely common after trauma, and they’re not a sign of weakness — they’re a reflection of how the nervous system adapts to overwhelming experiences.

🧠 1. The brain stays on alert

Trauma can shift the nervous system into a state of hypervigilance. Even when the danger is over, the body may continue scanning for threats. This makes it harder to fall asleep, stay asleep, or reach deeper stages of rest.

💭 2. Night time feels less safe

When the world gets quiet, there are fewer distractions. Thoughts, memories, or sensations linked to the trauma can surface more easily. This can lead to restlessness, worry, or a sense of unease at bedtime.

😴 3. Nightmares are part of processing

Dreams and nightmares can be the brain’s way of trying to make sense of what happened. Although distressing, they’re a common part of trauma recovery.

🪫 4. Exhaustion doesn’t always equal sleep

Even when someone feels tired, their body may struggle to switch off. A nervous system stuck in “survival mode” can override the natural sleep drive.

What can help?

Gentle, consistent practices can support the body in relearning safety:

• Calming routines before bed
• Grounding or sensory-based strategies
• Reducing stimulation in the evening
• Creating a sleep environment that feels secure
• Supportive therapy to help the nervous system settle

Healing takes time, and sleep often improves gradually as the body begins to feel safer again.

You’re not “bad at sleeping.”
Your system is responding to what you’ve been through — and it can learn to rest again.

Visit the resources page on my website for more on ‘sleep for wellbeing’ including a downloadable sleep hygiene checklist

https://nicolaclarkecounselling.co.uk/2026/01/06/sleep-for-wellbeing/

12/03/2026

“Understanding People Pleasing - A trauma‑informed perspective”

People‑pleasing is often misunderstood as a personality trait or a sign of being “too nice.” But for many, it began as a protective response.

If you grew up in environments where staying agreeable, quiet, or attuned to others helped you avoid conflict or stay connected, your nervous system learned that safety depended on keeping others happy. This is sometimes called the fawn response.

It’s not a flaw, it’s an adaptation.

When the fawn response shows up you might notice yourself:

• Saying “yes” automatically
• Feeling responsible for other people’s emotions
• Avoiding conflict at all costs
• Minimising your own needs
• Feeling guilty when you try to set boundaries

These patterns often develop long before we have the words to describe them; they’re rooted in the body’s instinct to stay safe.

When old strategies become heavy

As life changes, these once‑protective responses can start to feel exhausting. You may find yourself:

• Feeling drained or overwhelmed
• Struggling to express your needs
• Losing touch with what you genuinely want
• Feeling anxious when you try to say “no”

Nothing about this means you’re doing anything wrong, it simply means your nervous system is still working from an old map and therapy can help you create a new one.

In our work together, we gently explore where these patterns began and how they show up in your life now. Through trauma‑informed approaches, including EMDR if it is right for you, we support your nervous system to recognise that safety can come from within, not only from pleasing others. You don’t have to unlearn these patterns alone.

If this resonates with you, you’re welcome to get in touch. There’s space here for you to move at your own pace, with warmth and compassion. You deserve relationships, including the one with yourself, where your needs matter too.

nicola@nicolaclarkecounselling.co.uk

21/02/2026

Trauma isn’t always surviving a plane crash, being involved in an earthquake or a car accident……………

Sometimes it’s the things that didn’t happen —
the comfort you didn’t receive,
the safety you didn’t feel,
the adult who wasn’t emotionally available when you needed them most.

Sometimes it’s the things you quietly witnessed —
raised voices behind closed doors,
walking on eggshells around someone’s anger,
seeing someone you love being hurt,
learning to stay small to stay safe.

These experiences don’t always leave visible marks, but they shape nervous systems, beliefs, and relationships in deep, lasting ways.

If any of this resonates, you’re not “overreacting.”
You’re not imagining it.
Your pain is real, and your story matters.

Healing isn’t about comparing your experiences to someone else’s, it’s about acknowledging what you lived through, even the subtle, silent, or hidden parts and offering yourself the compassion you deserved all along.

You’re allowed to heal from things no one ever saw.

If you would like to look at how your past may be affecting you today, please reach out for an initial chat to see how we might work together.

30/01/2026

A New Chapter in My Ther**eutic Journey

I’m excited to share that next month I’ll be beginning my EMDR training — a modality I’ve long admired for its gentle, powerful impact on trauma recovery. For me, this training feels like a natural extension of the work I already love — creating space where people can feel safe, regulated, and deeply supported as they move toward healing.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) is an advanced psychotherapy used worldwide to support people in processing traumatic or overwhelming experiences. Rather than relying solely on talking, EMDR uses bilateral stimulation (such as eye movements or tapping) to help the brain reprocess memories that feel “stuck”, reducing their emotional intensity and allowing people to move forward with more ease and clarity.

What draws me to EMDR is how deeply respectful it is of the nervous system — it honours the body’s own capacity to heal, at a pace that feels safe and empowering. This aligns so closely with the way I already work, and I’m excited to weave this approach into the support I offer.

I’m looking forward to growing, learning, and bringing this powerful modality into my practice so I can continue to support clients with different ways of working.

To find out more, here is a link to BACP

BACP member Dr Justin Havens explains what Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) is and how it can help

01/01/2026

Happy New Year

22/12/2025

A Gentle Festive Message

As we move into the festive break, I want to share a gentle reminder; this season can stir up many different feelings, and every single one of them is valid.

Whether you’re looking forward to rest, navigating family dynamics, or simply taking things day by day, please be kind to yourself.

Thank you to everyone I’ve had the privilege of supporting this year, your courage, honesty, and willingness to show up for yourselves is something I deeply admire.

I look forward to reconnecting in the new year.

Nicola

08/11/2025

I find watching the sunset incredibly peaceful and managed to capture, what I see, as a stairway to heaven in this photo (zoom in). As many of you know, I lost my dad to cancer, and it’s been 10 years next month, I had tears in my eyes and felt that part of him was also sharing that moment with me. Even though 10 years have passed, it can often feel like yesterday. Grief doesn’t end, it changes.