Nicola Clarke Counselling and Psychotherapy

12/03/2026

“Understanding People Pleasing - A trauma‑informed perspective”

People‑pleasing is often misunderstood as a personality trait or a sign of being “too nice.” But for many, it began as a protective response.

If you grew up in environments where staying agreeable, quiet, or attuned to others helped you avoid conflict or stay connected, your nervous system learned that safety depended on keeping others happy. This is sometimes called the fawn response.

It’s not a flaw, it’s an adaptation.

When the fawn response shows up you might notice yourself:

• Saying “yes” automatically
• Feeling responsible for other people’s emotions
• Avoiding conflict at all costs
• Minimising your own needs
• Feeling guilty when you try to set boundaries

These patterns often develop long before we have the words to describe them; they’re rooted in the body’s instinct to stay safe.

When old strategies become heavy

As life changes, these once‑protective responses can start to feel exhausting. You may find yourself:

• Feeling drained or overwhelmed
• Struggling to express your needs
• Losing touch with what you genuinely want
• Feeling anxious when you try to say “no”

Nothing about this means you’re doing anything wrong, it simply means your nervous system is still working from an old map and therapy can help you create a new one.

In our work together, we gently explore where these patterns began and how they show up in your life now. Through trauma‑informed approaches, including EMDR if it is right for you, we support your nervous system to recognise that safety can come from within, not only from pleasing others. You don’t have to unlearn these patterns alone.

If this resonates with you, you’re welcome to get in touch. There’s space here for you to move at your own pace, with warmth and compassion. You deserve relationships, including the one with yourself, where your needs matter too.

nicola@nicolaclarkecounselling.co.uk

21/02/2026

Trauma isn’t always surviving a plane crash, being involved in an earthquake or a car accident……………

Sometimes it’s the things that didn’t happen —
the comfort you didn’t receive,
the safety you didn’t feel,
the adult who wasn’t emotionally available when you needed them most.

Sometimes it’s the things you quietly witnessed —
raised voices behind closed doors,
walking on eggshells around someone’s anger,
seeing someone you love being hurt,
learning to stay small to stay safe.

These experiences don’t always leave visible marks, but they shape nervous systems, beliefs, and relationships in deep, lasting ways.

If any of this resonates, you’re not “overreacting.”
You’re not imagining it.
Your pain is real, and your story matters.

Healing isn’t about comparing your experiences to someone else’s, it’s about acknowledging what you lived through, even the subtle, silent, or hidden parts and offering yourself the compassion you deserved all along.

You’re allowed to heal from things no one ever saw.

If you would like to look at how your past may be affecting you today, please reach out for an initial chat to see how we might work together.

30/01/2026

A New Chapter in My Ther**eutic Journey

I’m excited to share that next month I’ll be beginning my EMDR training — a modality I’ve long admired for its gentle, powerful impact on trauma recovery. For me, this training feels like a natural extension of the work I already love — creating space where people can feel safe, regulated, and deeply supported as they move toward healing.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) is an advanced psychotherapy used worldwide to support people in processing traumatic or overwhelming experiences. Rather than relying solely on talking, EMDR uses bilateral stimulation (such as eye movements or tapping) to help the brain reprocess memories that feel “stuck”, reducing their emotional intensity and allowing people to move forward with more ease and clarity.

What draws me to EMDR is how deeply respectful it is of the nervous system — it honours the body’s own capacity to heal, at a pace that feels safe and empowering. This aligns so closely with the way I already work, and I’m excited to weave this approach into the support I offer.

I’m looking forward to growing, learning, and bringing this powerful modality into my practice so I can continue to support clients with different ways of working.

To find out more, here is a link to BACP

BACP member Dr Justin Havens explains what Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) is and how it can help

01/01/2026

Happy New Year

22/12/2025

A Gentle Festive Message

As we move into the festive break, I want to share a gentle reminder; this season can stir up many different feelings, and every single one of them is valid.

Whether you’re looking forward to rest, navigating family dynamics, or simply taking things day by day, please be kind to yourself.

Thank you to everyone I’ve had the privilege of supporting this year, your courage, honesty, and willingness to show up for yourselves is something I deeply admire.

I look forward to reconnecting in the new year.

Nicola

08/11/2025

I find watching the sunset incredibly peaceful and managed to capture, what I see, as a stairway to heaven in this photo (zoom in). As many of you know, I lost my dad to cancer, and it’s been 10 years next month, I had tears in my eyes and felt that part of him was also sharing that moment with me. Even though 10 years have passed, it can often feel like yesterday. Grief doesn’t end, it changes.

01/11/2025

I’m taking a short break from my counselling practice next week to press pause and relax 🥰. I will be back again from 13th November.

Rest as a Ther**eutic Practice

In counselling, we often explore how rest is more than simply “taking a break.” Rest is a vital part of emotional regulation and trauma recovery. When the nervous system is given permission to pause, it can shift from survival mode into a state where healing and integration become possible.

Rest may take many forms:

• Allowing the body to slow down and notice the breath

• Creating boundaries that protect time for stillness

• Engaging in restorative activities that soothe rather than stimulate

• Practicing self‑compassion when the urge to “push through” arises

A helpful reminder : rest is not avoidance, it is a way of listening to the body. By honouring rest, we strengthen our capacity to meet life’s challenges with clarity, resilience, and balance.

10/10/2025

World Mental Health Day 2025

Today is a reminder that mental health deserves space, attention, and care every day, not just once a year.

In my counselling practice, I work with people navigating trauma, overwhelm, and the quiet work of emotional regulation. Healing isn’t linear, and it doesn’t need to be loud. Sometimes it’s just about finding a moment of calm, a breath that feels safe, or a resource that helps you feel a little more like yourself.

If you’re struggling, you’re not alone.
If you’re healing, you’re doing enough.
If you’re supporting others, thank you.

Let’s keep making mental health visible, valid, and supported.

15/07/2025

01/07/2025

🎨 Creative Counselling: A Path to Healing Through Expression

In my practice, I believe healing isn’t one-size-fits-all, some emotions are too complex for words alone. That’s where creative counselling steps in.

Whether it’s through guided imagery, metaphor, journaling, or visual exploration, these creative tools help clients safely express what might feel “too much” or “not enough” to say out loud. They invite curiosity, deepen self-awareness, and honour each person’s unique journey.

It’s not about being artistic—it’s about finding new ways to feel, understand, and transform.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in traditional talk therapy or want a more holistic approach to healing, creative counselling could be your next step.

Curious to explore how this could support you, send me a message and we can arrange an introduction call.

24/06/2025

I’m in the process of redesigning my website and will be adding some self help tools and resources to download. Are there any areas of interest you would like me to consider?

15/06/2025

💙 Father’s Day and the Many Emotions It Holds 💙

Today is Father’s Day—a day of love, celebration, and gratitude. But for many, it can also bring waves of grief, sadness, loss, anger or even resentment. There is no single way to feel today, and however you experience it, your emotions are valid.

For me, this day holds both deep joy and sorrow as I was blessed with an incredible father who shaped so much of who I am today. His guidance and love were gifts I carry every day, but with that love comes grief, as it has now been nearly a decade since I lost him to cancer.

It was through navigating my own pain that I found my path as a counsellor. Many counsellors are called "wounded healers,” those who transform personal loss into purpose, using their own journey to hold space for others. If today feels heavy, you are not alone. Grief does not mean forgetting—it means remembering with love.

💙 Give yourself kindness.
💙 Honor the emotions that arise.
💙 Your experience is yours—whatever it looks like

If you need support, I am here for you.