26/05/2022
Would you let a friend talk to you in the same way you talk to yourself?
I hope your response is: ‘They’re not much of a friend if they say things like that!’
But the truth is, so many of us say things like this to ourselves on a daily, sometimes even hourly basis and it chips away at our self esteem and confidence.
Everything is energy, even our thoughts. So when we have thoughts like these, they can trigger an emotional or physical reaction (emotions are energy in motion). Just think about when you think of something sad, tears may well up, or think about eating something yummy, saliva production is activated.
And more often than not these influence our behaviours. How many times have you declined a social invitation because your mind has raced ahead causing that little voice inside your head to say things like:
"I haven’t got anything nice to wear. Other people there will judge me on what I’m wearing. I won’t look as nice as everyone else. They’ll all look amazing but I’ll just look a mess so it’s best I don’t go."
And then of course, you don’t go, you end up staying at home and probably feeling even more miserable!
Another example:
You receive a friend or message request from someone from your past asking if you’d like to meet to catch up.
Again your mind races ahead and thoughts like:
"I’ve not done much with my life since I saw them last, I’d be ashamed to tell them that. My most successful and longest relationship has been with my cat and I’ve really let my appearance slip. I bet they’re super successful with a handsome husband and beautiful children. I’ll just tell them I’m really busy with work and hope they’ll forget about me"
A fantastic way to boost your self esteem and confidence is to bring your awareness to this inner dialogue, offer yourself compassion and choose a kinder thought.
If an affirmation like: ‘I am lovable’ feels too far fetched, reign it in a little and affirm instead:
‘I am kind, I am a caring and thoughtful person and people are interested in what I have to say’.
Turn your inner critic into a cheerleader and you’ll soon notice a difference in how you feel and respond.
And when you have a couple of moments, take time to put down on paper what your inner critic has to say, let her vent her spleen and then when you’re done soften your gaze and review what you’ve written without judgement. There might just be a message you need to hear. Maybe there’s an action you could take to improve the situation? Maybe an old hurt needs to be healed?
Until next time, have a great day ❤️