14/03/2025
Why a diagnosis is helpful for your neuro divergent child.... Very clear outline of what happens to many ND children in the medical system.
But...They Get Regular Checkups!
How clinicians often miss out on Diagnosing Neurodivergence
and
what Caregivers Can Do About It
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Since day 1, baby has been high needs, much higher than typical.
Baby's sleep pattern is off.
Maybe she refuses to sleep at night
and instead wants to sleep all day.... especially whenever it is loud or whenever there is bright light overhead.
Maybe she will only sleep, when you provide deep pressure contact,
strapping her into a baby wrap on your chest and making humming sounds.
The Pediatrician convinces you that it is your fault. You are not TRAINING baby to have good sleep hygiene.
You keep trying but nothing works and you NEED SLEEP.
Eventually you give up, and either let her sleep in bed with you,
or you let her survive on naps, and entertain herself with electronics at night.
You are trying so hard to survive, but the doctor says it's "all normal."
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Kiddo is a little older now, toddling around and eating finger foods.
She's very particular about the TEXTURE of clothes and foods (maybe the color/label, too),
and you know this so you accomodate her by carrying extra clothes and snacks, everywhere.
You are tired of older parents telling you that you are indulging her pickiness.
It's just not worth fighting kiddo over EVERYTHING, because kiddo is uncomfortable, she has a 'tantrum' that can last for an hour.
And you've noticed that your little girl will sometimes tolerate brief exposures to new things--
maybe take 2 bites of a new food or put on a new hat for 5 minutes--
so you figure the pickiness is probably a stage.
Besides, the doctor says as long as kiddo is TOLERATING a variety of things, it is nothing to worry about.
The doctor never said she needs to ENJOY or SHOW INTEREST in a lot of things.
The doctor never mentioned sensory processing disorder or suggested Occupational Therapy.
She'll grow out of it. Right?
______________________________
Its been a year and a half.
Your preschooler either talks non stop or not at all.
When they talk a lot, it's about their favorite subject. Dinosaurs, space, the Titanic, Cats, YouTube, Farm equipment...
Never much of anything outside their interests.
Periods of selective mutism last hours.
You start to wonder if they are hearing you call their name, because they don't respond to you.
They seem to be VERY attuned to sounds like ice cream trucks and their favorite cartoon jingle.
Your family doctor says they need to REGULATE their sugar intake, and keep meal and sleep times regular, to keep their energy level steady.
They send you to a hearing specialist but they pass the hearing test, fine.
The vision test goes okay, too.
Maybe...they're just quirky.
Or stubborn. Everyone said YOU were stubborn.
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It's been 3 years.
Your young, elementary ed child is struggling in school, not JUST academically, but socially, too.
She has no GOOD friends. Just acquaintances.
Plus, she annoys the teacher.
It's not on purpose, but her literal thinking makes the teacher aware that he isn't communicating effectively,
and he's overworked, jaded, and doesn't want to change what (presumably) works fine for the other 22 students.
Most days, your daughter comes home exhausted and frustrated.
Is it usually this hard?
You ask the Nurse Practitioner, and she says it takes a year or even two, to adjust to full time school.
Nurse says not to worry, so long as kiddo's motor skills are on track and she can communicate with others.
Nurse even points out how BRIGHT your child is. She has an excellent vocabulary.
You feel like vocabulary isn't the only important part of communicating, but you don't know any speech therapists and your kiddo doesn't have a lisp to get the school's attention.
Oh well....everyone tells you to enroll your kiddo in some kind of club. But she seems burned OUT by the end of the afternoon.
How would Girl Scouts or a soccer team, realistically help with that?
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Doctors and clinicians working OUTSIDE the field of psychology,
Are often trained to focus on only PHYSICAL and BEHAVIORAL issues like
Fevers
Broken bones
Dehydration
Vi*lent outbursts
Bed wetting
Rashes
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Doctors who are REALLY good, might even notice the more subtle things associated with Autism, like
Flat affect
Signs of depression
Avoidable injuries caused by lack of coordination
Then again....
all those things can be hidden or MASKED, by kids who are weary of being critiqued for appearing DIFFERENT.
Kids motivated to avoid analysis,
after years of complex trauma caused by things like
peer groups who ostracize and belittle the kids who stand out
caregivers who get frustrated by having to do 24/7 mental gymnastics, to accomodate unnamed/invisible disabilities
and school administrators who treat unique needs like a tax imposed on an already stretched budget.
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It's RARE for Pediatricians and Family Doctors to pay any attention to INTERNAL SUBJECTIVE experiences like:
*sensory sensitivities
(sensory processing disorders)
*generalized and social anxiety
(Anxiety disorders)
*unusually intense creativity
(a form of giftedness)
*intrusive thoughts
(common in OCD and Autism)
*struggles to identify and articulate emotions (Alexithymia)
*lack of interoceptive awareness
(which can lead to overtiredness, pushing onesself too far when sick or injured, and becoming dangerously overheated)
*dissociation
(rarely called out as problematic in kids who never seem to take their nose out of a book)
*lack of guile
(the inability to lie or understand why others lie, can contribute to social deficits)
*mental disorganization
(ADHD is often treated as a byproduct of single parent homes and poverty)
*unusually sharp problem SOLVING skills (giftedness is not something doctors plan to treat)
*being intensely focused on patterns
(another feature common in Autism, ADHD, and OCD)
*and a physical need for more extreme proprioceptive input
(particularly if the child in question is labeled a boy, and so culturally is thought to 'need' more rough housing)
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So, the majority of ND Kids go undiagnosed for years, and may NEVER get a diagnosis
Because according to how most Medicine is practiced,
these kids don't show enough statistically significant "problem behaviors" to be worth a deeper look.
Not unless caregivers PUSH and QUESTION and INSIST that these kids be analyzed.
Which parents can only do, with the right combination of
financial resources,
Healthcare,
educational support,
child development knowledge,
clinical vocabulary,
and the emotional security necessary to open their households up to scrutiny (hard if your family has trauma)
_____________________________
This is why your BEST chance of getting an accurate diagnosis for a kid
whose BEHAVIOR skews close to normal--
But whose MENTAL/EMOTIONAL PROCESSES skew
anxious,
highly intelligent,
disorganized,
obsessive,
lonely,
logically rigid,
deeply sensitive,
intensely emotional,
wildly creative,
And extremely discerning.....
is going to be from a PSYCHOLOGIST,
preferably one who has EXPERIENCE WITH ND KIDS
or who is ND themselves.
______________________________
Do not fall into the trap of thinking,
"My child has a healthy body, gets okay grades, has a playmate, and talks well, so they don't need anyone poking around their brain."
A diagnosis is VALUABLE
It tells people WHAT KIND OF SUPPORTS will best help them.
Sometimes, like all people, they are going to need help...
And NEURODIVERGENT PEOPLE NEED DIFFERENT KINDS OF SUPPORTS than NT Folks,
in MANY cases.
______________________________
As their parent, YOU know how hard they struggle.
YOU see how hard they have to work to fit in,
keep up,
or camouflage their instincts.
YOU know something is different about them, even if the doctor doesn't see it.
Be proactive. Get them assessed for Anxiety, ADHD, Dyslexia, and Autism.
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And if you don't get any answers, try again in 2 or 3 years...
because sometimes it takes TIME for the MASK to show some cracks.
A diagnosis is a critical support tool. It's vital.
It might, quite literally, save their life.
