18/06/2025
I wasn’t even looking for a book on boundaries. I was just scrolling through my audiobook app one evening after a long, emotionally draining week—one of those weeks where everyone seems to need something from you, and you have nothing left to give. I stumbled upon Set Boundaries, Find Peace almost by accident, though now it feels more like it found me. The title struck a nerve. Peace. That was the word I had been avoiding but craving. The moment Nedra Glover Tawwab’s voice filled my headphones, there was a calm authority that I couldn’t ignore. She didn’t sound like she was preaching or lecturing—more like a friend who knew what it felt like to lose yourself in the chaos of doing too much, giving too much, and being too afraid to say no. Her tone was firm, yet comforting. It felt like someone was finally naming all the unspoken things I’d been carrying. Here are eight powerful lessons that stayed with me from this audiobook—lessons that didn’t just inform me, but shook me into awareness and helped me begin the real work of reclaiming space for myself.
1. Saying “No” is Not a Sin: I’ll admit it—“no” has always felt like a guilty word. But the way Nedra explained it, with both gentleness and conviction, made me realize that every “yes” I give from a place of fear or obligation is a “no” to myself. She unpacked the emotional weight we attach to disappointing others and helped me see that boundaries aren’t walls—they’re doors with locks. This lesson helped me breathe again. If you’ve been trained to believe your worth is tied to your availability, this message is a rescue line.
2. Boundaries are a Form of Self-Respect: This lesson pierced through my people-pleasing habits. Nedra doesn’t just define boundaries as rules for others—she defines them as a declaration of how we want to be treated. The real revelation? I had been teaching people how to disrespect me by constantly making exceptions. She drove the point home with stories that made me feel like she had been reading my life journal. For anyone who has felt invisible in their own relationships, this is the reminder you didn’t know you needed.
3. You Can’t Control How People React: I remember stopping mid-step during my walk when she said this. I had spent so much energy trying to cushion my boundaries so no one would get upset. Nedra helped me realize that the discomfort of others is not my responsibility—it’s the cost of living authentically. Her voice was steady, almost like she was talking to the scared version of me directly. This lesson gave me permission to let go of the guilt and just honor the truth.
4. People Who Benefit from Your Lack of Boundaries Will Resist Them: Whew. This one hit hard. She said it plainly, and it explained so many of the relationship dynamics I’d been confused about. When you start asserting boundaries, it threatens the unspoken contracts others have gotten used to. I had always taken that resistance personally—maybe I was doing something wrong? But Nedra helped me reframe it: their pushback isn’t a sign to stop; it’s a sign you’re finally drawing the line. This lesson is a compass for anyone navigating hard changes.
5. Overexplaining is a Boundary Leak: I didn’t even realize I did this until Nedra pointed it out. Every time I said “no,” I followed it with long, nervous justifications—hoping to sound reasonable, trying not to upset anyone. But her firm reminder that “No is a complete sentence” challenged me. I started noticing how much I babbled in defense of my own needs. She helped me see that boundaries aren’t about convincing—they’re about choosing. For someone who has struggled with guilt, this lesson is both practical and freeing.
6. Boundaries Without Action Are Just Words: I love how Nedra doesn’t let you off the hook with theory. She pushes you—gently but directly—to actually enforce the boundaries you set. She made me see how many times I had set boundaries… and then backed down the moment they were tested. Her real-life examples made me reflect: if I don’t respect my own boundaries, why would anyone else? This lesson challenged me to not just speak differently, but live differently. Boundaries take courage, not just intention.
7. Peace is a Product of Boundaries: There’s a quiet part in the audiobook where Nedra says something so simple and yet so profound: you won’t find peace in your life until you start setting boundaries in it. It’s not in the silence, or the escape, or the retreat—it’s in the clarity. That line stopped me. I realized I had been searching for peace while living in constant compromise. This lesson reminded me that peace isn’t something I find—it’s something I create. And it starts with what I allow and what I refuse.
8. Boundaries Don’t Make You Cold—They Make You Clear: I needed to hear this. I had always worried that asserting myself would make me seem harsh or uncaring. But Nedra reframed boundaries as a path to honesty and deeper connection. When you’re clear, people know where they stand. When you’re real, love becomes more authentic. This changed how I saw myself—not as someone pushing people away, but as someone brave enough to show up whole. This lesson is a beautiful gift for anyone afraid that being strong means being alone.
Book/Audiobook: https://amzn.to/460jMEa
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