Natasha Wilson IFS & IFIO Therapist, UKCP Psychotherapist

16/02/2026

We’ve had fun recording a new Round Table video bringing the Drama Triangle to life. Here’s how the circle unfolds between us:Paul comes in strongly as the Persecutor so Lou moves quickly to Rescue and I find myself in a defensive Victim position.. after that I could imagine Paul comes back in again or Lou might have rescued me. Around we go.You might recognise the pattern: Pressure or criticism → fixing or smoothing → hurt or defensiveness → more frustrationThe important shift we’re exploring is this: These aren’t bad people and they’re not bad parts. They’re protectors trying to manage shame, fear or powerlessness.In the video we show the dynamic between us and then cut to my “inner Round Table”the You-turn. I wanted to show that the triangle doesn’t just happen between people.It often runs inside our own system. In yours? Sometimes there is real victimhood with harm, coercion or powerlessness. However sometimes there’s a victim protector strategy, like a passive or defensive helpless or blaming stance that keeps the system stuck. We might move to offending from the victim position. Context and safety always come first.The way out isn’t fixing the other person. It’s noticing:Which part of me is activated right now?Video link below.I’m curious: when your system gets activated, which role do your protectors tend to go to first?

15/02/2026

If you’ve ever found yourself thinking ‘Why do we keep having the same argument?’ this carousel might resonate 😘

We’ve been getting curious about the Drama Triangle lately: Victim, Rescuer and Persecutor
and how it looks through an Internal Family Systems lens.

This carousel shares the key ideas from a new blog on my website. The IFS shift from Karpmans original triangle that feels important to me is this: These roles aren’t bad behaviour or bad people.
They’re protectors trying to manage shame, fear or powerlessness. Also one nuance I explore more deeply in the blog.. There’s a difference between
real victimhood (where harm, coercion or power imbalance is present) and a victim protector strategy ie a defensive helpless or blaming position that keeps the system stuck.

The way out isn’t fixing the other person. It’s the pause and then a You-turn. Notice which part of you is activated.
Inviting parts to notice Self before you respond.

I’ll pop the full blog link in the comments.

I’m really curious: when your system gets activated, which role do your protectors tend to go to first?

13/02/2026

Big thanks to everyone who came to the Cirencester IFS Circle today. We’re slowly expanding and it feels so good and connected.

There was such thoughtful sharing and a really alive sculpt. Held Karen, Amy and me. We completely forgot to take a photo. Oops. Donation money goes to The Bothy - Cirencester and the rest to Cirencester Signpost.

Next up is the online IFS Circle for those living in the UK and Ireland.

Wednesday 18th, 6.15 to 8pm.
Tickets are on my website, £12 to £25, pay what you can.

We’ll be continuing with Parts Mirroring and exploring how our protectors meet in relationship. These circles are experiential spaces for IFS exploration and reflection. They are not therapy groups.

On Sunday I’ll be sharing a short didactic piece on the Drama Triangle on my website - with a carousel about it here and on Instagram, followed by a new video with Lou, Paul and me. We’ll be representing the outer Drama Triangle and then meeting the one inside my own system. The tale we have is that it’s possible to have defensive protective Victim parts (as well as tender exiles who feel and have the experience of being victims). How’s that land in your system? Do you have a part that can attack or defend from a “poor me” position?

If you’re curious about the dances we get into and how to shift them, come along, you’ll be so welcome.

09/02/2026

In this short video, Lou and I are showing something that might be so small, generally unremarkable it might go unnoticed. Lou’s protector shows up on the outside by over-functioning, taking charge, sorting things, staying on top of it all, saying it’ll get done if she does it. Mine shows up by not pushing back much, an appeasing, stepping-back kind of reaction. On the surface, it can look like:“I’ll just let it go.”But underneath, something much more tender is happening in between us. When someone takes over, a younger part of me gets touched, one who’s carrying old feelings of shame and “I always get it wrong”. And then a protector steps in to keep that feeling at bay and the dance begins. Not bad intentions. Not character flaws. Just protectors doing their jobs. Inviting you to notice .. when A does this move… what I (B) notice in my body is x and then what do I say to myself on the inside? What stories do I tell myself? And then.. what do I (B) do on the outside? The other person (A) .. then.. what do they do? More to come this month as we keep exploring how these dances start, escalate, and how we can begin to notice them with a bit more kindness 💛.

08/02/2026

When neurodifferences meet in relationship with another, it can work beautifully or can be a dance of different wiring, protective parts and missed attunements. I’ve written a new piece exploring IFS through a neuro-affirming lens, including the Double Empathy Problem - and how wiring and parts can meet in relationships and why self-awareness and communication allows things to move rather than stick!

Based on some of the Neurodifferences Relational Map which supports couples and individuals to understand their patterns with more compassion, clarity, and choice.

Blog link in comments 🧡

Neurodifference isn’t the problem in relationships: misunderstanding, misattunement and unrecognised protective parts are.

07/02/2026

Many of you know that alongside my work as a therapist (and training in RLT which is all about power), I’m many things including having a strong sense of justice and an activist streak - and that I studied social and political science at university. I’ve always been interested in the question of power: how it’s held, how it’s justified, how it’s abused and, just as importantly, how ordinary people find the courage to resist injustice and care for one another in frightening times.

I’m sharing this long reflection from Dick Schwartz (the founder of IFS) because it brings together inner and outer worlds in a way I find both sobering and hopeful. From an IFS perspective, Dick explores how the way we treat vulnerability inside ourselves shapes how societies treat vulnerability “out there”. He traces a line from the exiling of tender, frightened parts within individuals, to the hard-hearted belief systems that justify domination, cruelty, inequality and indifference at a collective level.

This isn’t an abstract or purely psychological piece. It speaks directly to the political moment many of us are living in, and to the moral injuries we’re all exposed to through relentless news of violence, dehumanisation and abuse of power. It also speaks to activism not as something driven by rage or righteousness alone but as something that can be grounded in Self-leadership, compassion and connection, even in the face of fear.

I’m aware this is a long read. It’s also confronting in places. I’m offering it here because I believe it gives language and depth to something many of us feel intuitively: that how we relate to pain, fear and vulnerability both personally and collectively really matters and that tending to our inner worlds is not a retreat from justice but one of the ways we stay centred and human

An invitation to notice what parts of you respond as you go ☀️

Over the past while, I’ve been sitting with a few thoughts on fear, cruelty, vulnerability and courage.
This piece shares some of those reflections through an IFS lens, and what can help us stay connected to our humanity.

If it feels supportive, you’re welcome to read it here: https://hubs.ly/Q0428klT0

07/02/2026

Cheltenham IFS Community Collaborative Circle: such a lovely morning together.
Held by Kirsty, Nikki and me and we missed you Annie and Lorraine. Thank you to everyone for the care, warmth and loveliness you all bring.

We explored Dick Schwartz’s “The Room” (aka the Fire Drill), did some parts mapping, and a very alive sculpt. Lots of sharing, lots of presence and a real sense of joy and peacefulness in the group.

🙏 Thank you for your generous donations: these all go to the CCP Charity Pantry, supporting the local Cheltenham community

✨ Next up:
Cirencester IFS Circle – this Friday 13th February
🕥 10.30–12.30
📍 The Bothy, Ashcroft Road
Held by Karen, Amy and me

We tend to be a fairly small group

Bring your own drinks. It’s such a light, gorgeous community space. Vanessa has kindly kept room hire costs low, so most donations go to Cirencester Signpost.

This month we’re exploring the familiar dances we get into with other people: those moments when our protectors meet theirs. We’re paying attention to our somatic experience and the stories we tell ourselves, and the parts that react on the outside - with curiosity.

These IFS circles aren’t therapy groups, they’re a chance to try out experiential IFS, co-regulate with others, and explore our relationships together in community.

Warm, experiential, and open to all.

🗺️ Relational Maps available – £5 each

04/02/2026

The Firedrill or “the Room” by Richard Schwartz.

Listen as Dr. Richard C. Schwartz, founder of Internal Family Systems, guides you through a meditation addressing complicated, and sometimes difficult relati...

04/02/2026

Huge thanks to everyone who came to the Stroud IFS Community Collaborative Circle ❤️. Spaciously held by Anna, Julie, Karen, Lou, Paul, Jeremy and me: thank you for your care, presence and teamwork

The meditation was loosely based on The Room or The Firedrill by Richard Schwartz https://youtu.be/Y_0Hg1GnG1g?si=HVg8WNGDUjXhUyaS

(with a nod to DramaTriangle parts - Persecting Rescuing and Victim parts)

🙏 Thank you all too for your generous donations today.
These covered room hire at The Exchange, with the rest going to The Long Table, Stroud.

Next up:
Cheltenham Circle this Saturday. 10am–12pm at CCP, 340 High Street, Cheltenham
Held by Nikki, Lorraine, Kirsty and me. There’s a kitchen we can use in CCP to make your own drinks, bring a bit of extra cash

This month we’re slowing down the familiar dances we get into with other people, those moments when our protectors meet theirs. We’re also gently bringing in protective parts in the Drama Triangle, both outside and inside. NB Victim exiles are tender parts carrying original pain, helplessness or shame from past experiences.
Victim protectors use a victim stance defensively in the present ie collapsing, blaming or feeling powerless, to keep those deeper exiles from being touched again.

The IFS Circles are warm, experiential, and open to all. Not therapy groups: a place to try out IFS together.

Relational Maps available – £5 each

03/02/2026

IFS Community Collaborative Circles this week 💚

Navigating Relationships Parts Mirroring - the Dance of the Protectors and the Drama Triangle 🫣

Come around 5 minutes early to find a seat. Doors close on time and we hold this boundary for the group.

📍 Wednesday – Stroud
🕖. The Exchange on Brick Row. 9.30-11.30am. With Anna, Julie, Karen, Lou, Paul, Jeremy and I.. Please don’t park at the venue and do bring your own drinks!

📍 Saturday – Cheltenham
🕙 10am–12pm · CCP 340 High Street Cheltenham With Nikki, Lorraine, Kirsty and I. Cafe in CCP to make your own drinks.

All for donations. Stroud - room hire at the Exchange and the rest goes to The Long Table Stroud and at CCP room hire is included and all proceeds go to CCPCharity pantry.

This month we’re exploring the dance we get into with other people: those familiar patterns that show up when our protectors meet theirs. Less fixing, more noticing. Space to slow it down, get curious, and find a bit more choice. We’re also gently bringing in the Drama Triangle both outside and in

Warm, experiential, and open to all. Not a therapy group, a place to try out IFS

Relational Maps available at £5 each.

02/02/2026

This short IFS Round Table video shows the early moments of the dance of protectors, step by step.

When Lou comes in with a part that needs her perspective to be the right one, she interrupts and talks over me.

Inside me, my chest tightens almost immediately. Also on the inside, a judgemental protector steps in and tells stories about how she’s .. this and that. On the outside this part protects me by putting up a wall of judgement and withdrawal. Its job is to protect much a young, tender one who felt very small when people talked over me or took up all the space.

That shift doesn’t land neutrally. Lou then meets my judgement and withdrawal with more protection of her own. Her system might up the ante, protecting her vulnerable, tender parts that may feel hurt, dismissed, or judged by my withdrawal and judgment.

That, in turn, impacts me again. My protectors tighten further, my body contracts, and the distance between us grows.

Two nervous systems and two sets of protectors are doing their best to keep our tender feelings safe. Before we know it, the dance is in full swing.

This is a teaching video, and Lou really is super lovely. We’re exaggerating the dynamic so you can see how quickly and innocently these patterns begin.

If any part of this feels familiar, you’re very much not alone.

01/02/2026

February begins with the foundations. This didactic is our starting point for the month, laying out the map we’ll be using.

In IFS terms, to recap: we all have:
• Protective parts (both proactive and reactive) whose job is to keep us safe
• Tender exiles who carry old hurt or vulnerability
• And our core Self, our calm, curious, connected presence

When two people - and two sets of protectors meet - we tend to get more protection not less! When even one person can pause, unblend, and Self can lead even a little the whole system can have a chance to settle and connection becomes possible.

You might hear different language across the extra models we’re looking at as we’re going through this year together :
• In RLT, protectors are more or less grouped as the Adaptive Child, exiles as the Wounded Child, and Self as the Wise Adult
• In Polyvagal terms, Self is somewhat closely aligned with ventral vagal safety and connection, while protectors often operate from fight, flight (sympathetic) freeze (a combo of both), or shutdown (dorsal). Fix and fawn possibly dorsal but have sympathetic activation in both!

Different maps. Same nervous system reality.

This brings us to what IFIO (Intimacy from the Inside out ) calls The Dance of the Protectors (and RLT calls Stance Stance Dance).

Every relationship has its own choreography. Under stress, tiredness, or old wounds, we fall into familiar steps without meaning to. Two protectors meet across the kitchen, in the car, or mid-WhatsApp thread and suddenly we’re back in the same familiar loop. They’re just protectors doing their best to keep us safe, colliding with someone else’s protectors doing exactly the same.

The aim isn’t to stop the dance.
It’s to notice the rhythm, name the parts, and pause long enough for Self to come be present and get to know the protectors and exiles. That may change the tempo.

Tomorrow’s video is the start of this exploration.

Someone does something (in this case, Lou is enthusiastic and interrupting). My nervous system responds with alarm - a tender exile is woken. So a protector rushes in.

(In this video example .. Self comes in and is present to notice, validate, and slow things down a bit!)

The dance - without Self being present - could continue - my system could do something protective back - in this case withdraw - which can then activate Lou’s system in return. Her tender ones react and then one of her protectors could come in - they could do a whole host of things like try harder, chase angrily or withdraw ..

And just like that, the dance begins.

More to come 😊