22/08/2025
Ash had always been described as “strong-willed” and “resilient.” People thought those words meant Ash could handle anything. In truth, they didn’t see the effort it took to move through the world every day.
Imagine waking up with a phone battery that only charges to 40%. That’s how Ash’s energy worked. Social interaction, bright lights, unexpected noise, sudden changes - each one drained the battery a little more. Every day. Until the battery was depleted and was barely functional. And unlike others, Ash’s battery took far longer to recharge.
This was autistic burnout. Not just tiredness, but a deep exhaustion that affected Ash’s mind, body, and emotions. Burnout meant slower thinking, less tolerance for conflict, and a desperate need to protect what little energy remained.
One afternoon, a disagreement began at work. Raised voices, sharp words, people demanding quick responses. Ash felt their chest tighten. Every question felt like a loud knock on a locked door in their head - answers existed, but they couldn’t reach them fast enough.
Ash knew from experience that staying would mean meltdown or shutdown: tears, panic, or silence, all of which would make the situation worse. So, Ash did what was safest. They walked away.
To Ash, it was survival. To others, it looked like avoidance, weakness, or disrespect. People said, “You just storm off. You don’t care. You can’t face things.”
But they didn’t understand. Walking away wasn’t about not caring. It was about conserving what little was left of Ash’s energy, keeping themselves from falling apart, and preventing the conflict from escalating. It was the only tool left in the toolbox when burnout was already consuming everything else.
The hardest part was not the burnout itself, but the judgment that followed. The world often punishes people who step back instead of fighting. Yet for Ash - and many autistic people - choosing distance is not defeat. It’s protection. It’s wisdom. It’s survival.
And maybe, if more people understood autistic burnout, they would see that walking away isn’t giving up on the conversation. It’s simply pressing pause until it can be had safely, without destroying the person who needs to have it 💚
