05/08/2023
To all our parents who live this as a daily routine...we see you!
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No one sees the careful prep beforehand, making sure everyone knows what is going to happen, when and where. No one else hears the questions answered several hundred times, Yes we're going there, Yes we might see them, No, you don't have to join in if you don't want to. Yes, you can take your tablet. Yes, if you need to go home we'll leave.
No one sees the bag with snacks, a complete change of clothes, several different types of entertainment and a charging lead. No one notices the way that you are constantly assessing the situation - can we manage another five minutes, or do I need to find an attractive reason to leave right now?
No one realises that it didn't just happen that one child is settled at a table. playing their spaceship game, whilst the other child plays on the climbing frame. They don't notice the multi-tasking skills it takes to respond to the cries of 'Did you see me?' and the questions about fuselage and fuel without getting them muddled up. You develop a default 'interested and attentive' looking face, which works fine until you answer the rocket question with 'Well done!'.
In fact, if another adult does notice the effort they are likely to be dismissive. 'They're fine!' they'll say. 'Relax'. Or there might be a comment about 'helicopter parenting' or how their approach is 'benign neglect'. Or even something about boredom, and how it's good for them not to expect you to play with them all the time. You think to yourself, well yes, it would be nice to have that option. But you don't say it, because how can you?
Now you have to manage another set of needs, as you pretend to the other parents that you aren't paddling desperately below the surface to keep this all going. That this isn't all balanced on a knife edge. You pretend that you're just sipping a cup of coffee and chatting. You wonder if you're the only one who feels like this, if everyone else really is as relaxed as they seem. But you don't ask, because what if they are?
Then there's a quick end when it becomes apparent it's time to leave NOW and you negotiate with the child who doesn't want to go whilst packing up the snacks and the bucket and spade and the drawing tablets and the crisps. You try to postpone the meltdown for long enough to get to away from the others or head it off with promises of ice cream on the way home.
At the end of it all you are exhausted, and what did you do today?
'We just went to the park. Nothing happened'.
Image: Jonny Cohen,
