Ruth Steggles The Fresh Air Coach

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Ruth Steggles The Fresh Air Coach

Fresh Air Fridays founder, expert in wellbeing. Works with parents who have a child with an ED. I work with parents who have a child with an eating disorder.

I help them to find clarity and confidence to support their child's recovery in a way that works for them and their family. Starting life as an engineer, I became a teacher and then built a large direct-selling business. It was a huge shock when our daughter developed an eating disorder. After I supported her recovery I wrote a book about our experience, trained as a coach, and founded a wellbeing organisation 'Fresh Air Fridays'. I am fascinated by what makes individuals thrive. I and am on a mission to help parents and children navigate eating disorders in a more helpful positive way, so that they can all lead a life they love.

16/03/2025

Are you worried that your child isn’t eating properly? If so check out my short Youtube videos that can give you some pointers.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcerBgLWWwG8WppnloV2C7A

15/03/2025

Whether an eating disorder creeps in on your family slowly or suddenly, it is disorientating. For me along with the wave of how, why, and what have we done wrong came the vital question of what do I need to do?

Knowledge can come from many sources, and I am pleased to say there are far more options than when our daughter was ill. Though still not enough, there are more professionals with an understanding of eating disorders along with websites, books, Facebook groups and a few courses. I recommend finding what resonates with you.

Knowledge and understanding help us to cope better with the situation, and there are vital skills that we need to help support our child’s recovery.

If you are struggling to know where to start then DM me and let’s chat.

14/03/2025

If you have a child with an eating disorder (ED), it is perfectly normal to get angry and frustrated. I used to believe that if I meditated long enough or did enough self-care, I wouldn’t feel these feelings that I could stop them before they arrived. It shocked and disappointed me when I studied Lisa Feldman-Barrett’s research on the brain, which suggests our feelings have been produced before we can be aware of them. This means that trying to stop these feelings or make ourselves bad and wrong for feeling them is nonsense. What matters is what we do with them.

Feelings are a great signpost; they tell us about what we need. If we listen to them, they can be helpful in the moment. When I am frustrated, I can recognise that I am tired or I have been trying to do this thing too long, which is very useful. My meditation and self-care have helped me to learn to listen to my feelings and emotions; they don’t stop them from arising.

The ideas and tools that parents get in The Recovery Cwtch don’t immediately help them change the situation they are in, but they do help them to cope with their experience better so they are better able to support their child’s recovery.

If you are struggling with your child’s ED, DM me or check out my website here. https://ruthsteggles.co.uk/

13/03/2025

When our daughter was diagnosed with an eating disorder, I desperately wanted professional help. I wanted someone to tell us what we needed to do so we could be assured she would get better.

The challenge back then and now is that even though there are good practitioners out there, they can be difficult to find, and there aren’t enough of them.

Top that off with the reality that someone in the extremes of an eating disorder may not be ready to engage in therapy, and you find yourself in a perfect storm.

So what can you do?

As a parent, you can actually make a huge difference if you personally get the right skills and support. Visit my blog here to find out more - https://ruthsteggles.substack.com/

12/03/2025

I am not great at being told what to do. Not that many of us are.

Coaching is not about telling you what to do; it is about exploring together and opening doors for you to peek through and see if they lead you where you want to go. Your journey is unique to you, and there are numerous routes you can take. Some of them are well-trodden, and a coaching session may help you choose one of those. Other people (and a couple of clients spring to mind as I say this) will want to go in a direction that no one else has chosen.

There is no right or wrong, and you always have to choose. My job is to give you a map and a compass and teach you how to use them so that you explore in a way that fills your life with the experiences you want.

If you feel stuck, confused or ready for your next adventure, get in touch.

11/03/2025

There is a difference between pain and suffering. I have recently done some healing around my childhood relationships. I talked to my daughter about it, and she asked if I could now remember more happy times. I discovered that I could get in touch with more feelings overall. I described how I had been missing her over the weekend and felt sad about it. It was almost a joy to be with that sadness; it was a feeling that expressed my deep love for her. It wasn’t suffering, though there was a freedom to it that allowed me to simply be with the experience.

I frequently work with my coaching clients around their emotional experiences. They are a great signpost to what they need in their life. If you are struggling with how you feel or how you are not feeling, then DM me let’s chat.

10/03/2025

I completely understand that when your child is seriously ill, what you most want is to make them better. With mental ill health (which an eating disorder is), we can’t simply reset someone's brain as a doctor may do with a broken bone. It is something that the person suffering can choose to address over time.

However, you can make a massive difference by exploring how you treat yourself, what you say to yourself and how you think. As a parent, you shape a significant amount of the environment in which your child is recovering. There is massive value in being self-compassionate just for you, and research shows that it benefits your children, too.

Read more on this in my latest article over on Substack here; https://open.substack.com/pub/ruthsteggles/p/self-criticism-and-self-compassion?r=1p1qqm&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

09/03/2025

If your child has an eating disorder, you are not to blame. I used to lie awake at night worrying about what I had done wrong, but I now know it was not my fault, and it certainly isn’t yours.

If you want a bit of help and advice to know what to do, check out my Youtube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcerBgLWWwG8WppnloV2C7A

08/03/2025

When our daughter had an eating disorder, to begin with, I was mostly in survival mode. I was reacting rather than responding, and I often felt lost.

One of the big things that parents get in The Recovery Cwtch is space to reflect on what is happening, what they are doing well, and what things they may want to change. Taking time and being aware means they have choices and become more effective.

If you are feeling caught up in the challenges of having an eating disorder in your family, then DM me and let’s chat.

07/03/2025

‘Will this make me fat?’

That no-win conversation that you will recognise if your child has an eating disorder. It feels harmless to give them the reassurance they think they want, but it doesn’t help and feeds their thought process. Meanwhile, every ounce of your body wants to scream, ‘just eat it!’ as you see your child diminishing before your eyes.

I fell into the reassurance trap time and time again. What happened was it made our daughter more anxious and more needy. If I argued with the eating disorder, that didn’t help either; it simply became more embedded.

In The Recovery Cwtch, I help parents navigate this kind of dilemma so they can be supportive of their child and help them do what is needed for recovery, all in a compassionate way. It may be challenging, but it doesn’t have to be a war.
DM me if you want to know more

06/03/2025

When your child has an eating disorder it is important to learn as much as you can about how to support them. Recovery needs to fit into your family in a way that works for you. My regular newsletter is designed to help you support recovery in a way that works for your family. You can check it out here: https://ruthsteggles.substack.com/

05/03/2025

I am a firm believer in hope. Recovery from an eating disorder is always possible, whatever age or stage you are at. Early intervention makes it more straightforward, but if that didn’t happen, I am still convinced it is possible.

It wasn’t until I started studying for my Master’s degree that I understood the science of hope. I always thought it was a thing or a belief that hovered around. My husband may have described it as ‘airy fairy’. I have learnt that it has components and a structure we can influence.

If you are very interested I am happy to direct you to research papers, or you might want to read the book pictured below. But what matters is this little summary:

To have hope, we need a goal (I bet you can think of one, and if you can’t, let’s talk).

To be hopeful, you need to have some ‘Willpower’ - a desire to reach that goal
And

You need ‘Waypower’ to know how you might reach that goal.

You don’t need to know it all, but you need to know what your first steps might look like and take action in that direction.

When our daughter was first ill with an eating disorder, I certainly had a goal and willpower. What I lacked was Waypower. I became more hopeful as I learnt about things that could make a difference. That made it easier for all of us. As I learnt more, I could hold the hope for our daughter.

I now know that hope isn’t some floaty thing; it can be very practical. You and your family need hope for your child’s recovery. In The Recovery Cwtch, I help those parents who need it find their goals and Willpower, but more than anything, I help them with their Waypower so they can keep hope alive and support recovery.

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Taff's Well

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http://www.freshairfridays.co.uk/, https://www.subscribepage.com/when-someone-you-love-has-an-eating-disorder-opt-in

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