03/09/2023
1. Allow Their Emotions
Don't try to tell them to "stop crying", or "you will be fine, don't worry!". These don't help to reduce anxiety, but they do dismiss the child's feelings, which can add to their upset. Instead say "you're feeling worried/sad, would you like to talk about it?". Allowing your child to express their emotions (which may also manifest as anger, whining and shouting, as well as sadness) is the healthiest response here.
2. Ease the Drop-Off
School drop off can be stressful for new starters. The hustle and bustle, lots of bigger children, younger siblings and hundreds of parents can be overwhelming. Arranging with the school for your child to enter the classroom before the main rush begins, or arriving 10 minutes after everybody has left can make a huge difference. Similarly, sometimes drop-off is better if somebody else does it, allowing your child to say goodbye to you in the safety of home. They may be calmer when dropped off at school by a partner or friend.
3. Keep Your Own Anxieties in Check
The time when your child starts school is a highly emotional stage for any parent. Try to not add to what your child is feeling by keeping your own nerves and sadness at bay. Anxiety is catching. If you're really worried about your child, there is a high chance they will sense this and it will undermine their confidence. Try your hardest to stay calm and collected. Lots of deep breaths, positive affirmations and working through your own feelings, so that you can be a pillar of strength and confidence in your child.
4. Take off the Pressure at Home
Now isn't the time to push your child to tidy their room or their toys, or to pick up on every little misdemeanour. Cut them some slack. Relax your boundaries a little and let things slip for a couple of weeks while they settle in. Turn a blind eye to rudeness for a little while and allow home to be a place where your child is safe to relax. For the first couple of months after starting (or returning) to school, it's common for behaviour at home to be tricky. This is your child's way of discharging after a day of holding everything in at school. It's a great compliment to your parenting skills! It means they feel totally safe to be authentic with you!
5. Be Their Champion
Starting school can push many parents out of their comfort zones, because it often means you have to initiate conversations that you'd rather not have. This can be even harder for introverted parents. If your child is not being treated fairly, be that by staff or other children, they need you to stand up for them and be their champion. They need to know that you *always* have their back, however uncomfortable the conversation or meeting you may have to have is.
6. Give Them Practical Tools
Separation can be really hard for some children. Giving them a tangible, physical, way to connect with you throughout the day can be really helpful. For instance, you could create matching friendship bracelets, or even just coloured wool/yarn tied simply. When you tie them on yourself and your child say "this bracelet connects us. Throughout the day when you are sad and miss me, you can touch it and know that a little piece of me is with you and I will do the same".
7. Give it Time
School starts can be tricky for several weeks. It's a big transition for little people. Often it's not until the October half-term that most children become more settled.
For more settling at school tips check out my ‘The Starting School Book’:
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