25/01/2026
We don't have to enable our children to intimidate us or feeling as if this is acceptable because atleast the police aren't at my door... I've copied and pasted Winning Wellness comment below.. as this is his field of speciality and the results he's achieving, I honestly couldn't be prouder.. if this post or comment you feel can help you.. please don't hesitate to get in touch with Win 🙏✨️
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Thank you Spiritually Being for the tag...
I've read some comments and hear your call,
I want to start by saying this:
- You are not failing, and you are not weak for feeling frightened or exhausted.
- You’re carrying a lot, and it takes real courage to say “I can’t do this alone anymore.” That in itself tells me you’re a deeply caring and attentive mum.
- You’re also not “stuck with this until he moves out” either.
- This is a moment of intervention, not defeat. And the fact that he can show up consistently for work with his dad tells us something important, 'there is capacity focus and responsibility there when expectations are clear and the relationship feels grounded in some sort of reward or achievement.' 🤔
What you’re describing is not just “bad behaviour” or laziness. Behaviour is communication, especially in adolescents who don’t yet have the language, regulation, or self-trust to say what’s actually going on inside them. When young people feel overwhelmed, ashamed, misunderstood, or powerless, it often comes out sideways as defiance, chaos, dominance, or withdrawal. That doesn’t make it acceptable, but it does make it meaningful.
I speak from personal experience whrn i say; A 17-year-old who feels constantly behind academically, labelled, or struggling with things like dyslexia often carries a quiet but corrosive sense of failure and i have personally lived with that failureas a younginner city teen. Over time, that can harden into anger, apathy, or a need to control the environment just to feel some sense of agency (or self-rule). The mess, the rows, the territorial behaviour — these are often signs of a nervous system stuck in fight-or-flight, not a young man who has “given up on life.”
It’s also important to say this clearly: feeling scared in your own home 'matters.' You deserve safety and support too. You are allowed to take your experience seriously without minimising it or feeling guilty for naming it.
What tends to help in situations like this is a shift away from power struggles and toward boundaries that are calm, consistent, and non-negotiable — not shouted, not argued, not endlessly explained. Boundaries are not punishments; they are the structure that helps an overwhelmed nervous system settle. Young people and children need this even today than ever before. Alongside that, relational support is key: someone outside the family who can work with him without the emotional charge that naturally exists at home.
I do support clients locally — youth mentoring, neurodiversity-informed services, and family support pathways — and you don’t have to wait until things completely fall apart to access them. A mentor, coach, or therapeutic support who understands adolescent development, learning differences, and emotional regulation can make a profound difference. Often young people will open up far more readily to a neutral adult than to a parent they’re already entangled with emotionally.
Please be gentle with yourself. You’re navigating an incredibly complex season with very little backup, and you’re still showing up, still looking for answers. That’s good parenting and brave.
You and your son both deserve support — not blame, not labels, and not to be left to cope alone. As mentioned I work with the whole family to find a space where new boundaries (for you) and new practices/habits (for him) can be developed.
Please feel free to connect with me if you would like my help.
Warmly Win
Hi everyone, I’m posting this anonymously as I’m at my absolute wits' end. I’m a single mum of three and my eldest who’s 17 has become a total nightmare to live with.
It’s been going on for years and I honestly don't know what to do anymore 🤦♀️
He’s currently at Exeter or South Devon College (I won’t say which) but it’s a disaster. He’s not doing the coursework, no revision, and I’m 99% sure he’s going to get kicked off the course.
He’s borderline dyslexic, so I know things are tough, but he’s just got zero interest in anything. He was a nightmare during his GCSEs too, disrespectful to teachers and just a general nuisance.
At home, it’s even worse. I’m actually starting to feel scared of him. Everything I say turns into a massive row, and it feels like he’s just trying to "mark his territory" and dominate the house.
The state of his room is a joke. Normally wet towels rotting on the carpet, piles of dirty clothes and rubbish everywhere, dirty mugs and tissues scattered all over the place!
He leaves the bathroom like a swamp and doesn't even have the decency to aim for the toilet. 🙄
He works part-time for his dad, but that’s the only thing he actually does. Has anyone else dealt with a teenager like this in the area? Is there any local support or am I just stuck with this until he moves out? I’m exhausted. 😖
