Helen Hoyte - Somatic Psychotherapist & Neurodivergent Specialist

Helen Hoyte - Somatic Psychotherapist & Neurodivergent Specialist Somatic Psychotherapist & ND Specialist. Integrative, psychotherapeutic counsellor, coach & clinical supervisor.

Embodied, trauma-aware and neurodivergent-affirming. Offering reflective, nervous-system-aware supervision for counsellors & coaches.

07/05/2026

Couldn't agree more

🌌 Stages of ADHD RealisationRealising you have ADHD as an adult isn’t one neat “aha!” moment — it’s a slow unfolding. A ...
07/05/2026

🌌 Stages of ADHD Realisation
Realising you have ADHD as an adult isn’t one neat “aha!” moment — it’s a slow unfolding. A process of peeling back the layers and beginning to see yourself through a kinder, more accurate lens.
For many of us (myself included), it’s a journey that brings both relief and grief — a kind of emotional unravelling as we begin to meet parts of ourselves we didn’t fully understand before.
This process isn’t linear. You might take a few steps forward, then circle back. You might uncover new layers of shame, embarrassment, or frustration — but those moments often become openings for greater self-compassion and healing. Each realisation deepens your understanding and softens the way you see yourself.
Here are some of the stages people often move through (sometimes more than once) when recognising their ADHD:
🌪 1. The Confusion Stage
It often begins with frustration and self-blame.
You notice patterns — struggling to focus, losing things, running late (again), or feeling like your emotions are always a bit too much. You might wonder why everything feels harder for you than it seems to be for others.
At this point, many of us label ourselves as “lazy,” “inconsistent,” or “too sensitive,” not realising that our brains have simply been wired differently all along.
💡 2. The Discovery Stage
Then comes that spark of curiosity — a video, a post, or a conversation that hits a little too close to home.
Suddenly, ADHD starts making sense of decades’ worth of confusion: the hyperfocus, the chaos, the overwhelm, the creative bursts followed by burnout.
You start connecting dots, and for the first time, you feel a wave of recognition — maybe even hope.
🧩 3. The Recognition Stage
This is when the pieces really start falling into place.
You begin to notice how ADHD touches every corner of your life — from relationships to work, from self-esteem to energy levels. Childhood memories start to take on new meaning.
It’s a bittersweet stage: relief at finally having an explanation, and sadness for all the years you spent thinking it was just you.
💬 4. The Acceptance Stage
Acceptance doesn’t mean you’ve “got it all figured out” — it means you stop fighting your brain.
You begin to see that structure, reminders, and movement aren’t weaknesses — they’re supports. You understand that your brain thrives with systems, creativity, and flexibility.
You start offering yourself the grace you’ve always given others — and maybe even begin to like the parts of yourself you used to hide.
🌱 5. The Growth Stage
Eventually, you start building a life that fits you.
You learn what helps you thrive, what drains you, and what brings out your unique strengths — like empathy, creativity, and deep curiosity.
You stop trying to be “less ADHD” and instead begin to live with intention, on your own terms.
💛 In the End
The ADHD realisation journey isn’t about fixing yourself — it’s about understanding yourself.
It’s about turning self-criticism into self-compassion, and confusion into clarity.
You were never broken. You were just trying to navigate a world that wasn’t built for your kind of mind.
💬 Which stage of ADHD realisation do you relate to most right now?




We’re often told that success comes from consistency.Show up every day. Keep going. Stick with it.But for people with AD...
07/05/2026

We’re often told that success comes from consistency.
Show up every day. Keep going. Stick with it.
But for people with ADHD, consistency can feel impossible — no matter how hard you try.
It’s not a lack of motivation, discipline, or willpower.
It’s the impact of living with a brain that struggles to regulate focus, energy, and emotion.
Until your ADHD is well-managed and properly supported, consistency will always feel just out of reach — and with it, the success you’re working so hard for.
The truth is: consistency isn’t the starting point for success when you have ADHD.
It’s the result of understanding your brain, building the right strategies, and creating systems that actually work for you.
When ADHD is managed effectively, success stops feeling like a constant chase — and starts becoming something sustainable. 💛





ADHD is not a moral failure.It’s a nervous system pattern.For years, many adults with ADHD were told:• “You just need to...
07/05/2026

ADHD is not a moral failure.
It’s a nervous system pattern.
For years, many adults with ADHD were told:
• “You just need to try harder.”
• “You’re inconsistent.”
• “You lack discipline.”
• “You’re too sensitive.”
What if none of that was true?
ADHD isn’t about intelligence.
It isn’t about character.
It isn’t about willpower.
It’s about regulation.
It’s about:
• Dopamine variability
• Interest-based attention
• Nervous system sensitivity
• Emotional intensity
• Rejection sensitivity
• Capacity fluctuations
When your brain is interest-driven, motivation doesn’t switch on because something is important.
It switches on because something is stimulating, urgent, novel or meaningful.
That isn’t laziness.
That’s wiring.
Understanding ADHD through a nervous system lens changes everything.
Instead of asking:
“Why can’t I just do it?”
We begin asking:
“What would make this task neurologically accessible?”
That’s where empowerment begins.
Not with shame.
But with understanding.
This is the work we care deeply about at The Cog & The Cosmos.
Curious minds.
Real conversations.
Practical tools.
—
If this feels familiar, you’re not broken.
You may simply be wired differently.
🌌 Helen & Chris
The Cog & The Cosmos

What is Cog & The Cosmos?Cog & The Cosmos is a space for exploring the mind, identity, and human experience.Human beings...
07/05/2026

What is Cog & The Cosmos?
Cog & The Cosmos is a space for exploring the mind, identity, and human experience.
Human beings are complex.
We think.
We feel.
We react.
We build stories about who we are and how the world works.
But most of us rarely pause to examine those stories.
At Cog & The Cosmos, Helen and Chris explore the questions that sit beneath everyday life:
• Why do we think the way we do?
• How does identity develop?
• What shapes our emotional responses?
• Why do certain experiences change us?
Both of us live with ADHD, which has given us a deep interest in how attention, emotion and the nervous system work.
But this project is about something bigger than ADHD.
It’s about curiosity.
Curiosity about the mind.
Curiosity about behaviour.
Curiosity about what it means to be human.
Through posts, conversations, workshops and our upcoming podcast, we’ll explore psychology, identity and the lived experience of navigating the world as thinking, feeling human beings.
If you enjoy asking thoughtful questions about life, the mind and human behaviour, you’re in the right place.
🌌 Helen & Chris
The Cog & The Cosmos

Understanding the mind changes how we experience life.Many of the struggles people face are not simply about events or c...
07/05/2026

Understanding the mind changes how we experience life.
Many of the struggles people face are not simply about events or circumstances.
They are about how we interpret those experiences.
Our thoughts, beliefs, memories and nervous system responses shape how we see the world.
They influence:
• how we relate to others
• how we see ourselves
• how we respond to challenges
• what we believe is possible
When we begin to understand how the mind works, something powerful happens.
We gain perspective.
Instead of assuming that our reactions define us, we can begin to explore where they come from.
Curiosity replaces judgement.
This is the spirit behind Cog & The Cosmos.
Exploring psychology.
Exploring identity.
Exploring the deeper patterns of human behaviour.
Because understanding the mind is one of the most powerful tools we have for understanding ourselves.
🌌 Helen & Chris
The Cog & The Cosmos

The Questions That Shape UsSome of the most important questions in life are rarely asked.Questions like:Why do certain e...
07/05/2026

The Questions That Shape Us
Some of the most important questions in life are rarely asked.
Questions like:
Why do certain experiences shape us so deeply?
How does identity develop over time?
Why do people respond to the same situation in completely different ways?
What makes someone feel truly understood?
And how much of who we are today was shaped by experiences we barely noticed at the time?
At Cog & The Cosmos, we’re interested in exploring the deeper layers of human experience.
Psychology, identity, behaviour and meaning.
Helen and Chris both bring lived experience of ADHD, alongside professional experience working with people exploring their own emotional lives.
But the conversation goes far beyond diagnosis or labels.
It’s about understanding the complexity of being human.
If you’re someone who enjoys exploring ideas about the mind, behaviour and identity, we’re glad you’re here.
🌌 Helen & Chris
The Cog & The Cosmos

Why does criticism feel so intense for many people with ADHD?Many adults with ADHD describe something that can feel conf...
07/05/2026

Why does criticism feel so intense for many people with ADHD?
Many adults with ADHD describe something that can feel confusing and overwhelming.
A small piece of feedback can feel enormous.
A delayed reply to a message can trigger spiralling thoughts.
A neutral facial expression can suddenly feel like rejection.
This experience is often described as Rejection Sensitivity.
It isn’t about being dramatic or “too emotional”.
For many people with ADHD, the nervous system is highly responsive to social cues. The brain is constantly scanning for signs of acceptance, belonging and safety.
When something feels like criticism or rejection, the emotional response can be immediate and powerful.
People often say things like:
• “I know I’m overreacting but I can’t switch it off.”
• “It feels physical, like a punch in the stomach.”
• “My mood changes instantly.”
Understanding this through a nervous system lens can be incredibly helpful.
The aim isn’t to remove sensitivity completely.
Sensitivity is often connected to empathy, awareness and emotional depth.
The work is learning how to regulate the nervous system response, widen emotional capacity, and develop a more compassionate internal dialogue when these reactions happen.
When people understand what is happening in their nervous system, the question often changes from:
“Why am I like this?”
to
“What might help me feel safer in this moment?”
And that shift opens the door to real change.
🌌 Helen & Chris
The Cog & The Cosmos

How the Nervous System Shapes Human ExperienceEvery human being experiences the world through a nervous system.Long befo...
07/05/2026

How the Nervous System Shapes Human Experience
Every human being experiences the world through a nervous system.
Long before we analyse situations or form opinions, the body is already scanning the environment and asking a simple question:
“Am I safe?”
If the nervous system senses safety, we are more likely to feel curious, open and connected to others.
But if the nervous system senses threat or overwhelm, our experience of the world can shift dramatically.
We might become anxious.
Defensive.
Withdrawn.
Reactive.
What we often interpret as personality or behaviour can sometimes be better understood as a nervous system responding to perceived safety or danger.
When we begin to understand the nervous system, many aspects of human behaviour start to make more sense.
Not just in ourselves — but in each other.
And that understanding can open the door to deeper curiosity about what it really means to be human.
The Cog & The Cosmos 🌌

Why Psychological Safety MattersCuriosity sits at the heart of human growth.It’s what allows us to explore ideas, questi...
07/05/2026

Why Psychological Safety Matters
Curiosity sits at the heart of human growth.
It’s what allows us to explore ideas, question assumptions and understand both ourselves and other people more deeply.
But curiosity doesn’t thrive everywhere.
It depends on a sense of psychological safety.
When people feel safe, their minds tend to open. They are more able to reflect, listen and consider different perspectives.
When people feel threatened, judged or overwhelmed, the opposite often happens.
The mind shifts into protection.
We may become defensive, withdrawn or fixed in our thinking.
What looks like resistance or closed-mindedness can sometimes be a nervous system responding to a lack of safety.
Understanding this can change how we approach conversations, relationships and even our own internal dialogue.
Because curiosity is not just about intelligence or openness.
It is often about whether we feel safe enough to explore.
The Cog & The Cosmos

Why Psychological Safety MattersCuriosity is one of the most natural parts of being human.We ask questions.We explore id...
07/05/2026

Why Psychological Safety Matters
Curiosity is one of the most natural parts of being human.
We ask questions.
We explore ideas.
We try to understand ourselves and each other.
But curiosity doesn’t exist in isolation.
It depends on something deeper:
a sense of safety.
When we feel safe, our minds tend to open.
We become more willing to listen.
To reflect.
To consider different perspectives.
But when we feel threatened, judged, or overwhelmed, something shifts.
Curiosity often closes.
The mind moves into protection instead of exploration.
We defend.
We withdraw.
We become certain rather than curious.
Understanding this can change how we approach conversations — and how we understand ourselves.
Because sometimes the most important question isn’t:
“Am I right?”
But:
“Do I feel safe enough to stay curious?”
The Cog & The Cosmos



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