07/10/2025
Case Study: Loneliness and Failed Relationships
A Woman’s Journey Toward Connection
Background
Sarah, a 42-year-old woman, sought counselling due to persistent feelings of lonelinessand a pattern of unsuccessful relationships. Recently divorced and living alone for the first time in over a decade, she described herself as “socially withdrawn, tired of trying, and unsure who I am without someone.”
She reported that her romantic relationships tended to start passionately but quickly became emotionally exhausting. Each breakup deepened her sense of failure, reinforcing the belief that she was “unlovable” and “too much.” Her loneliness was not limited to romantic loss — she felt disconnected from friends, her family, and even her own needs.
Presenting Issues
• Chronic loneliness and emotional isolation
• Low self-esteem and self-worth tied to relationship validation
• Anxiety about rejection or abandonment
• Difficulty setting and maintaining boundaries
• A tendency to over-invest emotionally in new partners
Therapeutic Goals
1. To build emotional awareness and self-connection.
2. To explore and challenge negative core beliefs about self-worth.
3. To understand relational patterns and attachment dynamics.
4. To develop healthy boundaries and self-soothing techniques.
5. To cultivate fulfilment and purpose beyond romantic relationships.
Therapeutic Approach
The counsellor adopted an integrative approach combining Person-Centred Therapy,
Attachment Theory, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), and Mindfulness and
Compassion-Focused Techniques to nurture emotional regulation and self-acceptance.
Counselling Process
Initially, Sarah struggled to identify her emotions, often intellectualising experiences rather than feeling them. Mindfulness exercises helped her slow down and recognise sensations of sadness, anxiety, and longing. Through journaling and guided reflection, she began to see how her fear of abandonment stemmed from inconsistent care in childhood.
By session six, Sarah recognised that she often sought validation through care-takingroles in relationships — “I make myself indispensable so they won’t leave.” Together, counsellor and client explored this belief, reframing it as a learned strategy for safety rather than proof of weakness.
As therapy progressed, she practiced saying “no” in small, low-risk situations and discovered that boundaries could create emotional safety rather than rejection. Herself-talk softened from “I’m unlovable” to “I am learning to love myself.” Mindfulness-based self-compassion practices supported her between sessions, allowing her to sit with feelings of loneliness without rushing to fill the void with external approval.
Outcome
After four months, Sarah reported feeling calmer, more grounded, and less driven by fear of rejection. While she still desired partnership, her focus had shifted toward building authentic friendships, re-engaging with hobbies, and appreciating solitude as restorative rather than punishing.
She described this change simply: “I’m finally starting to like my own company — and that’s something I never thought possible.”
Reflections
This case highlights the deep link between attachment wounds, loneliness, and the search for validation in relationships. For women with similar experiences, therapy provides a path to reconnect with the self — transforming loneliness from a sign of failure into an invitation for growth and self-acceptance.
Totnes Therapy | www.totnestherapy.com
