Siobhan Graham Psychotherapy

29/12/2025

For me this year has been one of loss, survival, and learning how to carry grief.

As it comes to a close, it feels important to pause and acknowledge the people who showed up in quiet, meaningful ways — those who listened, supported, encouraged, and reminded me who I was when things felt uncertain.

I’m not asking anything of the year ahead — just taking it as it comes. Sometimes it’s enough to simply mark the end of a difficult year and allow space for what might come next.

Closing this year with gratitude, reflection, and kindness towards the days ahead 🤍

25/12/2025

23/12/2025

As the year comes to a close, take a moment to acknowledge how you’re feeling — whatever that may be — and remind yourself that you are enough, just as you are.

Allow yourself time to rest, to slow down, and to be gentle with yourself. It’s okay if this time of year feels difficult, lonely, or overwhelming — your feelings are real and they matter.

And in the midst of everything, let’s remember the things we all truly need: time, rest, peace, comfort, and joy. I hope you find moments of self-compassion, understanding, and care in the weeks ahead.

Artwork: LucyClaireIllustration

19/12/2025

Implementing boundaries over the festive period can be challenging.
We often feel pressure to stick to traditions, avoid disagreements, and ‘keep the peace’.
It’s important to remember that you matter.
Setting healthy boundaries is an empowering way to protect your well-being and feel more in control during this busy season.

via Counselling Directory

16/12/2025

As Christmas approaches, it’s worth remembering that it doesn’t feel merry and bright for everyone. Sharing this for anyone who might need it ...

21/11/2025

New Blog!

Understanding and Overcoming Bullying: A Guide for Teens

Bullying can make you believe some really untrue things about yourself. But here's the thing - those thoughts aren't facts.

This guide uses CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) to help you:
🧠 Recognise and challenge unhelpful thinking patterns
💪 Take back control with practical strategies
🤝 Know when and how to ask for help

Whether you're dealing with exclusion, cyberbullying, or that "subtle" stuff that gets dismissed as banter - this is for you.

https://www.siobhangraham.com/understanding-and-overcoming-bullying-a-guide-for-teens/

Share with someone who needs it, and remember you deserve to feel safe, valued and heard 💜

***de

14/11/2025

Why We Struggle with Our Feelings 🧠 💓

I’ve just finished .brackett brilliant book Dealing with Feeling and it got me thinking about why so many of us find emotions difficult to manage.

Most of us weren’t taught how. Many of us grew up hearing “don’t cry,” “calm down,” or “you’re too sensitive.” We learned to suppress rather than understand what we feel.

Why we have emotions:

Emotions exist to give us information. Fear alerts us to danger. Anger tells us our boundaries have been crossed. Sadness signals loss. Joy shows us what matters. They’re not problems to fix – they’re data to decode.

What is emotional regulation?

It’s not about controlling or eliminating emotions. It’s recognising what you feel, understanding why, and responding in ways that serve you rather than sabotage you.

Why we can’t deal with our feelings:

We confuse feelings with facts. When we feel anxious, we believe something terrible will happen. When we feel rejected, we assume we’re unlovable. We mistake the emotion for reality instead of information.

We also lack vocabulary. Many of us can only name a handful of emotions – happy, sad, angry, fine. Without precise words, we can’t process what’s happening inside us.

Strategies to quiet mind and body:

✨ Name it to tame it – simply labelling an emotion reduces its intensity.

✨ Breathe before you react – three slow breaths create space to choose your response.

✨ Ask what this feeling needs – anger may need boundaries, sadness acknowledgment, anxiety reassurance.

Practice makes permanent:

The more you pause to name and understand your emotions, the more automatic it becomes. Each time you choose to respond rather than react, you strengthen your capacity for emotional regulation.

The goal isn’t to feel good all the time. It’s to feel all your feelings and know what to do with them.

Repost: Julia Samuel

03/01/2025

For many, January is a hard, cold month…

When everyone is setting new goals, laying down righteous ground rules and striving to become a better version of themselves, some of us are fighting to find our feet each day...

You see, December is a month of giving, and some of us, come January, are completely and utterly spent.

A month of remembering everyone, and remembering absolutely everything.

A month of including everyone and of reaching out to each and every person we have ever known.

A month of reaching breaking point every day trying to have fun, to be the ultimate hostess, to be the perfect guest.

A month of stretching ourselves financially, emotionally and of letting our boundaries be breached by many... in the spirit of the season.

And then January hits and bam... before we can even begin the arduous task of clearing away the festivities, we are expected to jump on the ‘new year, new you’ bandwagon and transform ourselves entirely.

For some of us this is just too much.

January is the darkest and most depressing month of the year and for many sensitive souls, the barrage of ‘advice’ on how we ‘should’ be living, is just too much.

So perhaps this is a safe place to say that maybe it’s okay to take a week or two to recover and to just be kind to ourselves before demanding better.

And for those of us who really do fall low in the darkest month of the year. For those of us who have given too much and to whom the future looks bleak - perhaps this is the right place to say - you are absolutely fine the way you are. Just stay.

Take some time to breathe.

Take some time to not think about anything much at all except breathing in and breathing out.

Take some time to build back up, not tear your yourself down.

For many, this month is a mountain that looks unclimbable.

Be kind, my friends. Always.

Repost: Donna Ashworth
Art: Jennifer Elson

27/11/2024

"Today was a Difficult Day," said Pooh.

There was a pause.

"Do you want to talk about it?" asked Piglet.

"No," said Pooh after a bit. "No, I don't think I do."

"That's okay," said Piglet, and he came and sat beside his friend.

"What are you doing?" asked Pooh.

"Nothing, really," said Piglet. "Only, I know what Difficult Days are like. I quite often don't feel like talking about it on my Difficult Days either.

"But goodness," continued Piglet, "Difficult Days are so much easier when you know you've got someone there for you. And I'll always be here for you, Pooh."

And as Pooh sat there, working through in his head his Difficult Day, while the solid, reliable Piglet sat next to him quietly, swinging his little legs...he thought that his best friend had never been more right."
Winnie the Pooh ~ A.A. Milne

Sending positive vibes to those having a Difficult Day today. I hope you have your own Piglet to sit beside you.

14/09/2024

The Importance of Being Held

The average length of a hug between two people is 3 seconds. But research has discovered when a hug lasts 20 seconds, there is a therapeutic effect on the body and mind - a sincere embrace produces a hormone called "oxytocin" (known as the love hormone). Oxytocin has many benefits to our physical and mental health. It helps us to relax, to feel safe and to calm our fears and anxiety.

A famous quote by psychotherapist Virginia Satir goes, “We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” Whether those exact numbers have been scientifically proven remains to be seen, but there is a great deal of scientific evidence related to the importance of hugs and physical contact. Here are some reasons why we should hug::

1. STIMULATES OXYTOCIN
Oxytocin is a neurotransmitter that acts on the limbic system (the brain’s emotional centre), promoting feelings of contentment and reducing anxiety and stress. It is the hormone responsible for us all being here today. It is released during childbirth, making our mothers forget about all of the excruciating pain they endured expelling us from their bodies and making them want to still love and spend time with us. New research from the University of California suggests that it has a similarly civilising effect on human males, making them more affectionate and better at forming relationships and social bonding. When we hug someone, oxytocin is released into our bodies by our pituitary gland, lowering both our heart rates and our cortisol levels. Cortisol is the hormone responsible for stress, high blood pressure, and heart disease.

2. CULTIVATES PATIENCE
Connections are fostered when people take the time to appreciate and acknowledge one another. A hug is one of the easiest ways to show appreciation and acknowledgement of another person. The world is a busy, hustle-bustle place and we’re constantly rushing to the next task. By slowing down and taking a moment to offer sincere hugs throughout the day, we’re benefiting ourselves, others, and cultivating better patience within ourselves.

3. PREVENTS DISEASE
Affection has a direct response on the reduction of stress which prevents many diseases. The Touch Research Institute at the University of Miami School of Medicine says it has carried out more than 100 studies into touch and found evidence of significant effects, including faster growth in premature babies, reduced pain, decreased autoimmune disease symptoms, lowered glucose levels in children with diabetes, and improved immune systems in people with cancer.

4. STIMULATES THYMUS GLAND
Hugs strengthen the immune system. The gentle pressure on the sternum and the emotional charge this creates activates the Solar Plexus Chakra. This stimulates the thymus gland, which regulates and balances the body’s production of white blood cells, which keep you healthy and disease free.

5. COMMUNICATION WITHOUT SAYING A WORD
Almost 70 percent of communication is nonverbal. The interpretation of body language can be based on a single gesture and hugging is an excellent method of expressing yourself nonverbally to another human being or animal.

6. SELF-ESTEEM
Hugging boosts self-esteem, especially in children. The tactile sense is all-important in infants. A baby recognises its parents initially by touch. From the time we’re born our family’s touch shows us that we’re loved and special. The associations of self-worth and tactile sensations from our early years are still imbedded in our nervous system as adults. The cuddles we received from our family while growing up remain imprinted at a cellular level, and hugs remind us at a somatic level of that. Hugs, therefore, connect us to our ability to self love.

7. STIMULATES DOPAMINE
Everything everyone does involves protecting and triggering dopamine flow. Low dopamine levels play a role in the neurodegenerative disease Parkinson’s as well as mood disorders such as depression. Dopamine is responsible for giving us that feel-good feeling, and it’s also responsible for motivation! Hugs stimulate brains to release dopamine, the pleasure hormone. Dopamine sensors are the areas that many stimulating drugs such as co***ne and methamphetamine target. The presence of a certain kinds of dopamine receptors are also associated with sensation-seeking.

8. STIMULATES SEROTONIN
Reaching out and hugging releases endorphins and serotonin into the blood vessels and the released endorphins and serotonin cause pleasure and negate pain and sadness and decrease the chances of getting heart problems, helps fight excess weight and prolongs life. Even the cuddling of pets has a soothing effect that reduces the stress levels. Hugging for an extended time lifts one’s serotonin levels, elevating mood and creating happiness.

9. PARASYMPATHETIC BALANCE
Hugs balance out the nervous system. The skin contains a network of tiny, egg-shaped pressure centres called Pacinian corpuscles that can sense touch and which are in contact with the brain through the vagus nerve. The galvanic skin response of someone receiving and giving a hug shows a change in skin conductance. The effect in moisture and electricity in the skin suggests a more balanced state in the nervous system – parasympathetic.

Art: Dorina Costras
Adapted from a post by Sacred Dreams

14/09/2024

It’s been 63 years since su***de was decriminalised in Great Britain. But so many of us still use the term ‘commit su***de’.

Why does it matter? Language that links su***de and crime can increase stigma and prevent people struggling with suicidal thoughts from speaking out.

If we choose language like ‘died by su***de’ or ‘took their own life’ we allow space for open conversations and compassion. Let’s choose our words carefully.

***dePreventionDay ***dePrevention ***de

27/08/2024

Lovely poem by Becky Hemsley for all those who are not 'fine' ...

Today I said “I’m fine”, not once
But five times altogether
When people asked “how are you?”
Then made small talk of the weather

And so I hid behind my mask
The one I’d worn a while
I set in place my bravest face
And dressed it with a smile

And that was how the day went
All “I’m fine” and talk of rain
Until somebody asked me how I was
Then asked again

They asked if I was truly fine
And I said I was not
And they said they were sorry
That they couldn’t do a lot

But then they sat beside me
Whilst I spoke the truth at last
They listened and they held me
As the tears slipped through my mask

And where before, I’d felt I should
Maintain this brave façade,
I realised there was much to gain
By letting down my guard

See, though my load was still the same
It now was not as heavy
‘Cause sitting and offloading it
Had helped a bit already

Today they asked “how are you?”
And I told them I was fine
‘Til someone saw behind the mask
And asked me one more time

And though they may have felt
That there was little they could do
They’ll never know how much it meant
To tell someone the truth

Artwork: Gustav Klimt