22/07/2025
This gave me a wee chuckle this morning 🤭
https://www.facebook.com/share/p/19Ew2QYeGt/?mibextid=wwXIfr
If the menopause were a medical emergency when I started with symptoms:
Nurse: Good evening Dr, we have a 47 year old female, admitted last night with severe menopause. We’ve put her under sedation for her own sanity.
Dr: Oh, God, not another one. How are her levels?
Nurse: anger, anxiety, confusion are off the charts.
Dr: Flap check?
Nurse: No hope I’m afraid, extremely slack.
Dr: Weight gain?
Nurse: Rapid and unresponsive to diet and exercise
Dr: Tolerance levels for di*****ds?
Nurse: No tolerance detected at all, I’m afraid.
Dr: Pelvic Floor?
Nurse: Being dragged around behind her in an Aldi carrier bag.
Dr:Aldi?
Nurse: Yes, I know we’ve had an influx of Waitrose recently but at least this was a bag for life with lemons on it.
Dr: How ironic when she can’t squeeze her own, temperature?
Nurse: Volcanic and sweating profusely.
Dr: Breast check?
Nurse: At the Spaniels ears stage, we lifted up each armpit to check her t**s and can confirm they are being sweated off.
Dr: Confidence?
Nurse: Rock bottom s**t.
Dr: internal vaginal moisture levels?
Nurse: A camel just strolled out onto the ward.
Dr: S*x drive?
Nurse: Her husband has a right arm like Popeye and a hungry look.
Dr: Hair growth?
Nurse: Hard to tell which end is which.
Dr: Start this poor woman on an immediate dose of HRT, testosterone, anti-depressants, vaginal oestrogen, lovely skin care products, fabulous make up, a prescription to a clothes shop where clothes will actually fu***ng fit and flatter her, and a weeks holiday with her friends whenever she bloody well feels like it. Stat.
If only….
Copyright Middle age madness
Pic of me wearing shorts because I actually, finally want to ❤️
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