03/02/2026
Grief is like an iceberg because most of it is hidden.
Above the surface is what people see:
A few tears, returning to work, making dinner, and basically functioning as far as anyone else can tell.
Below the surface: Waves of sadness that come out of nowhere, guilt, anger, numbness, relief, confusion — sometimes all in one day all at once.
That can be heavy, deep, and mostly invisible to everyone else.
The real weight of grief lives underwater — quiet, constant, and much bigger than it looks. Anger is a very common part of grief, it's the nervous system’s way of saying “This wasn’t supposed to happen.” You might feel angry at doctors, systems, or circumstances, perhaps at other people who “don’t get it”. You might even feel angry with the person who died (especially if things were unresolved). None of that makes you a bad person.
Anger can actually be protective. Sadness says “I’m hurt” Anger says “This mattered and its not okay".
Not judging the anger, but giving it safe outlets can help: Talking honestly with someone who won’t try to fix it, writing your thoughts down, physical release i.e walking or exercising, creative expression through art or poetry.
Grief can be messy, sharp, and loud. That doesn’t mean you’re grieving wrong — it means you’re grieving honestly.
