Emily Duffy Therapy

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Waltham Cross
Emily Duffy Therapy

She/Her
Online Integrative Therapist in the UK
I work with identity e.g. I'm an ENM & LGBTQ+ affirmative therapist.

s*xuality, gender, neurodivergence, chronic illness, and mental health, the relationship with "self", and how you then relate to the outside world and the people around you. I work in an integrative approach meaning I adapt my way of working to your preferences, where possible, in a collaborative way. We will talk about what it is you would like to get out of counselling and look at ways we can do this. My core way of working is offering a safe and non-judgemental space through person centred counselling and it's core conditions, which are to hold you with unconditional positive regard, empathy, and congruence. From here I layer on tools and techniques from other approaches such as gestalt ways of working (metaphors, 'here & now' work, somatic exploration), ways of working from MBCT/SFT/CBT (using mindfulness techniques to explore our ways of thinking, looking at how this can be different, and how this can then impact our behaviour/emotions), and CFT/ACT (looking at our internal narrative, how we can be more compassionate and accepting to ourselves). Depending on what it is you're wanting to explore, how long we work together, and your preferences, will depend on the techniques used in our sessions. If you are considering short term work with myself then we will look at the most pressing issue you would like to focus on, whereas longer term work will allow more breadth of work.

25/02/2026

"Give yourself a gift: the present moment." - Marcus Aurelius ✨️

So often we can get stuck in the fear of what the future has in store for us. This isn't necessarily irrational or disproportionate to what looks likely, but dwelling too much on the future can rob us of the present moments too.

Similarly, getting stuck in “if only” thoughts about the past keeps us trapped. We can’t change what’s behind us, only learn from it and strive to do better now.

I've experienced this with anticipatory grief. The anxieties, expectations, and urge to act kick in, and can be overwhelming, even though the future is still unpredictable. The grief causes us to mourn the loss before it happens. We get tangled in if onlys as if replaying them could alter the outcome we're now dealing with. And we actually end up losing moments we have with the one important to us.

This is a pretty intense example. And there is no "right" way of doing things or navigating these real anxieties. But so much of the "western world" is built on productivity, doing more, hustle, get on with it and we lose the ability to just be with ourselves and those around us in the moment.

(Yes I realise the hypocrisy of this being a post on social media which feeds into the scroll onto the next thing..... but this is what I'm working with 😆)

This means we often react to things, rather than responding. We see so much of this immediacy in social media and media in general now.

Even if it's taking 1 minute try:
✨️ To sit and notice you breath
✨️ Notice the sounds around you
✨️ Look up at the sky
✨️ Look at and feel your skin

Be really be mindful of who you are, where you are, and how you're doing. It can be a short relief from always having to push forward and reconnect with yourself.

Once you figure out where you are, you might have a clearer vision of where you want/need to go.

💚

22/02/2026

No one owes anyone else s*x. Full stop. Ever.

TW this post talks about chronic illness, s*x, and s*xual abuse.

I've been seeing lots of posts in chronic illness groups about how we should still pleasure our partners whether we're in pain or not.....

So I wanted to clear this up for anyone struggling with chronic pain, fatigue, or symptoms which make intimacy difficult.

You don't have to do anything s*xual with anyone, even if they're your partner(s)

If someone pressures you or guilts you into s*xual activity this is coercive behaviour and s*xual abuse.

If someone touches themselves infront of you without your consent this is also s*xual abuse.

If someone continues s*xual acts or touching you without your consent this is s*xual abuse.

There is no "should" because they're a partner, spouse, lover, whatever!

When someone reaches out for help because they're feeling awful that their chronic illness is creating a barrier between intimacy, don't tell them they should just try X

Assess if they actually want that intimacy first.

If they do, then great, work on what manageable intimacy around their symptoms can look like can start.

Women don't owe men s*x

Men don't own women s*x

No one owes anyone else s*x

It all needs consent.

If your partner isn't happy about whether you're able to be intimate then it is for them to decide if they want the relationship or not.

If you're looking to try and find solutions, hopefully you can both meet at a pace that works for both of you.

It can be so frustrating on both sides, it can be upsetting, hurtful, and isolating. But it's not okay to use these emotions against the other person.

Just know, often those with chronic illness want to be intimate, it's just not always possible. And so different ways of intimacy can be explored.

Is there anything else you'd add to this? 💚

I talk about intimacy and ways of talking about it more in my blog post "Chronic Illness in Relationships"

18/02/2026

New blog post - What is good enough? - out now! 💚

This post explores:

What we consider good enough to be, how it can impact our life and self percetion, and how we can challenge the belief of "I'm not good enough"

Check it out via my links or directly here - https://www.emilyduffytherapy.co.uk/post/what-is-good-enough

Let me know what you think in the comments ✨️

12/02/2026

Had my hair cut for the first time in over a year 🫣

Getting my hair cut always falls down my priorities, it can be hard to remember or have the energy with chronic illnesses and just life itself. I also just forget how long it's been as well as how good it feels after 😅

But it can also feel quite confronting to sit infront of a mirror for an hour or so. It can highlight that inner critic around our appearances and how we feel.
"I'm too heavy"
"I'm not pretty enough"
"I wish my body works"

Alongside the talking that we do too.

It can be like shining a spotlight on yourself. It's actually something that some therapists do in self worth work to grt used to looking at yourself, confronting that inner critic, and to start to look at any neutral or positive elements you can notice.

It makes sense why some people refer to, and feel, that their hairdressers/barbers are therapists! (Though please remember there is a difference, it may be therapeutic and supportive but this is not therapy - has to be said to clarify 😆)

Thank you for being so amazing and putting me at ease ✨️ (also to clarify, not an ad but I do highly recommend them if you're in Cheshunt 💚)

10/02/2026

Letter writing can be such a powerful tool 💚💌

It can be used in so many different ways too. It's kind of like journaling but with a prompt.

It is an uncensored space to explore different prompts.

You could write a letter to your past self, your current self, or your future self.
It could be a letter to someone in your life, to explore what comes up for you and potentially what you then want to go on to comminicate.
It can be from your body, your emotions, someone else and exploring a different perspective.

In the 4th slide I've incuded an example of part of a short letter I wrote to my body in my training with The Fat Counsellors ( and ) which was really interesting to see what came out when talking to my past body!!

I've found it so useful in dynamics where I'm not sure what I want to communicate or how too. To have a space to allow anything to come out is so useful as you can then pick out the bits you actually want to say (if anything).

You don't have to keep the letter either. You can turn it into a ritual of letting go by ripping it up or burning it. You could hand it over to your therapist to hold for you (if they accepted).

If you do decide to do this I would recommend doing it in a quiet confidential space. And then to allow space for yourself afterwards to sit with what came up for you and have some self-care to decompress as it can be heavy!

Have you tried letter writing before? ✨️

If you want to learn more about your relationship with your body, body neutrality, and working with clients in bigger bodys do check out The Fat Counsellors training - www.thefatcounsellors.co.uk

08/02/2026

I can't believe it's been 2 years since I released my CPD on working with non-monogamous clients 🥳

There is still research to suggest that clients are fearful of disclosing their non-monogamous relationships in therapy due to fear of judgement and stigma. As well as research suggesting therapists DO judge those in non-monogamous relationships and actually suggest they conform to monogamy 😒

Non-monogamy is just as valid as monogamy 💚

No relationship type is more superior than another! Abuse, cheating. Coercive behaviour, breakups, etc. can happen in any type of relationship.

Here are a couple of slides around different types of non-monogamous relationships and then a slightly deeper dive into terms related to polyamory specifically 🫶

If you'd like to know more about non-monogamy check out my blog, guide, or CPD course on my site - www.emilyduffytherapy.co.uk/courses

06/02/2026

Urgh, this is chronic illness 🫠

I have had a big week this week. And I managed it and made it through. I was so ready to do some work on my CPD course, I'm really enjoying writing it, and then boom! Life.

Had some really amazing news + the ceiling starts dripping overnight + a bad nights sleep = no work, rest, and a migraine flare 🙄

It's so typical isn't it?! And yes, there are definitely worse things (I mean, look at the world right now, I am very aware how privileged I am), but it is still so frustrating to have to change plans due to chronic health flares.

I am still so glad it's hit today when I have no client work and it's just my own deadlines that are being impacted. It has had no real life impact anywhere but on my body. But damn. Life!

I am taking my dogs lead today; nap, eat, maybe play some games if I can tolerate it, and then probably nap some more 🐶

Today has felt like a day of " I can't"..... but.... I can look after myself.

How're you all holding up? 💚

02/02/2026

Therapy isn't here to "fix you" 💚

I'm sure so many of us are feeling a many number of these feelings and emotions on a daily basis with all thats going on in the world. It can feel like we're so connected via technology but feeling so disconnected as humanity.

It can also seem like we don't have time, energy, or permission to sit with these difficult emotions anymore. Society wants us productive and doing, not feeling. And so it can lead us to think we're broken and need fixing when we experience these emotions.

Therapy helps you explore them, why are you feeling them? Where have they come from? Are they relative to what's going on, or left over from past events, or both? Are they rational? What are they telling you? Etc.

It invites you to feel them, what goes on for you when you feel X? Is it comfortable or uncomfortable? Do you have a physiological reaction? Or sensations?

It let's you stay curious and move through it rather than resisting it thinking it's "wrong".

It looks at how you want to move forward from it, when you're ready to.

It explores the core belief if you've been stuck with that emotion for so long ("I'm worthless" "I'm bitter")

It reminds you that joy, happiness, curiosity, freedom, excitement, thrill, etc. Can exist alongside in parallel and that's okay and important too.

It doesn't mean these uncomfortable emotions and feelings will disappear, that's just not possible, we're human, we feel! But we can learn how to navigate them and listen to them, especially when our world is full of such chaos, division, bigotry, fearmongering, disconnect, hurt, loss, abuse, and atrocities.

** this post is focusing on the uncomfortable but please remember there are spaces and glimmers out there to bring anyone of those more comforting emotions, connection, and good in the world too **

Feelings aren't failure, they're messages 💚

31/01/2026

My actual thought process 🫠

Chronic illness math is trying to weigh up whether a plan/task/activity is worth doing.

but unfortunately the numbers never weigh up so you can't truly know the outcome....

I really want to go to the cinema

But I'm feeling a little run down

If I go will it send me in a flare or will I be okay with symptom managment

And will the flare last a day or a week or more?

Maybe I should stay home and rest?

But I've not done something for myself in a while and getting out the house can make me feel good.....

Do you experience this? 💚

30/01/2026

What's your relationship with your body and food like? ✨️

TW - talk of food/diets, weight, body shapes.

I have always been in a battle with my body, whether it's to lose weight, to move more, to not be in pain, to battle how I look to fit being feminine, to battle my acne.... there has always been something deemed "wrong".

And then we add in food. My relationship with food is so conflicting. I've tried so many diets in my younger life (that don't work long term!) and just end up feeling so deflated and angry at myself.

Then there's how society tells us we "should" look and how we "should" eat....

There's so much pressure on us ALL the time, but there doesn't have to be.

Ironically, my chronic illnesses kicked in at a time when I was my slimmest and since then I am my biggest. This process is what made me challenge my narratives and actually start to be kind to myself, my body, and my relationship with food.

My soul feels full after completing Unraveling Body Shame: Anti-Fat Bias in the Therapy room training with the wonderful and 💚

It was such an amazing course! It has boosted my own journey in unravelling that shame and bias as well as affirming my work with clients. It was just what I needed at this time in my life 🥰

Check it out - https://www.thefatcounsellors.co.uk/

**not an ad, just a great experience**

29/01/2026

I only learned the full quote recently! 🙈

I have always been someone who feels a bit like a sponge. I tend to pick things up well and have a broad knowledge, but I've never felt like a "specialist" or "expert" in any of those areas.

I remember in the therapy training learning about how some integrative therapists can be called "eclectic" as they use a multitude of approaches to fit the client. I remember being cinflicted because to me that sounds great! But it was seen as a negative thing, too broad and "unstructured".

And often in private practice the idea that you need a niche in order to he successful or an expert or hone your skills is pushed quite a lot too.

So, I had a day recently talking to my partner about it. I was feeling excited about all the things I want to learn, how it could help in different areas of my business, but then I suddenly felt quite defeatest of "but does this make me a Jack of all trades" thinking it was a bad thing. Like I can't just stick to one thing and be amazing at it!

Then they told me the full quote, "jack of all trades, master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one.” and it was an "oh, s**t!" moment.

I have put myself down in life because I felt I did too much, spread myself thin, had base knowledge in different things but would never be seen as "expert"..... but actually that's okay and sometimes that can work out to be the best thing in that situation.

And if I actually look at things in a grounded way I know this. I don't want to reduce myself down to one or two things and specialise in them. I can let go of that pressure, expectation, and "should" feeling.

Again, as with all things I post about, diversity is needed! We need experts, we need specialists, but we also need people who know enough to bring things all together in a holistic way too 💚

What's your take on this quote? ✨️

28/01/2026

It feels evermore relevant to share this again.....

Of course therapy is political!

I don't know how therapy can't be when politicians make a point to scapegoat vulnerable and marginalised folks and when they debate peoples rights and existence!

I am q***r, chronically ill, ambi, and suspected ND and most of my clients are GSRD, ND, and chronically ill too. When we're in that room together, our experiences of the world are in there too.

It goes back to my blog post I wrote recently about intersectionality. How we are treated and experience the world matters and shapes who we are and how we move in the world - politics has an impact on this!

What do you think? 💚

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Waltham Cross

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+447508387585

Website

https://www.emilyduffytherapy.co.uk/

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