15/03/2026
I don't think I've ever made a secret of the fact that Mother's Day has always felt difficult for me.
My mother left my father when I was 15, I was left with my father when she moved out. From that day on I believed that she didn't love me, that I was invisible to her.
Over the years, the only time mum ever contacted me was when she needed transport somewhere and on birthdays/Christmas. She seemed to have a thriving relationship with my older sister. I was the one calling her, popping in, arranging to meet up, desperate for some kind of relationship. She was never cruel, never unkind, never harsh but also never there.
Around 10 years ago I decided that I would stop contact and told my mum I didn't want to see her. She turned up on my doorstep having ignored the message. This resulted in a confrontation that ended with me broken on the kitchen floor and mum angry and bewildered. I do not recommend.
This also started my quest to change myself, to resolve the hurt, to reclaim my own power. I began to research how to heal from unhealthy parents child relationships. How to let go of the years of disappointment, how to reparent my inner child.
Eventually I learned that people can only do what they know, that my mum did the best she could and that no matter how much you might wish, people only change when they really want to.
I needed to learn to love myself enough that it would no longer matter what other people did.
I have come a very long way from where I was 10 years ago. This is the first year I can ever remember that Mother's Day has not been upsetting. I do not feel sad, angry or ashamed ( because when you don't enjoy celebrating Mother's day, you must be a horrible child).
I am content that the way it is, just is and I have no desire to change anything. That's when you know that you are no longer running the story, the past no longer shapes the future and you have let go.
I am still learning to love myself and I no longer blame my mother for everything that has happened over the last 40 years. I accept and love her as she is and I thank her for helping to create the woman I am today.
Mum and me on my wedding day in 2010