24/12/2025
I've been thinking recently about some of the spiritual deconstruction I've done over the last few years. I find revisiting things helps me straighten the thoughts out, and thought I would share some here.
I started my spiritual journey in the late 90's and discovered New Age. I started learning about crystals and crystal healing in my early 20's. I was recovering from my first abusive relationship and I was desperate for hope. This left me vulnerable to some ideas that have not done me any favours later in life.
One of these ideas that I took on wholeheartedly was that if you did "the work" life would be plain sailing. If I "raised my vibration" I would attract only good things and there would be no more struggle in life.
In my early 30's, after my second abusive relationship, the Law of Attraction came around and I was skeptical, but still held this embedded belief that if I could only get the right combination of beliefs and actions life would stop sucking.
It wasn't until my 40's when the words of a very wise but also very very grounded person helped me finally realise that this was all a complete lie.
She said, yes, we learn and grow, but life continues to throw crap at you, because, life happens.
And so now I am working to dig out this belief that I am a failure because once again, life happened. Being perfect, in a way that other people set the criteria for, is not a way to protect yourself from life sucking at times. No matter how many mantras you chant, yoga poses you make, healings you have, life still happens. What you can do is work on understanding yourself, work on your trauma (genuinely I think every single person carries trauma), and learn to love and hold compassion for yourself. This is the best most of us can do. And the way to do that is so very individual that no-one can tell you what it looks like.
Love yourself, hold compassion for yourself, you're doing your best while life is happening.
