06/09/2025
*trigger warning//GRIEF//
18 months ago I spoke about grief after losing my wonderful Nan, at the age of 91. I stated I wasn’t an expert thankfully, having not experienced loss everso much. Sadly I’m becoming more of an expert and here’s what I’m learning: It’s s**t.
It isn’t linear.
It isn’t simple.
And the way people grieve is very different and that can be triggering as.
In the last 18 months, I’ve lost two people from my family, the most recent being on Thursday, so this post is pretty raw, (and it may jump all over the place because I don’t have my glasses on and there’s a lot of snot 🙄)
One was old, one not very old.
One we had some warning for—time, however cruel, gave us a window to say goodbye, hold hands, cry, talk, and share the words that matter. Come together as a family.
The other was sudden.
A phone call.
A moment that split everything into before and after.
No warning.
No goodbye.
Just GONE.
The grief hits differently with both.
With one, it’s layered: in sadness and peace, gratitude even, for being able to say the things that needed saying.
With the other—it’s raw, violent, chaotic.
The kind of grief that keeps you up at night because you didn’t get to say “I love you”.
The kind that leaves you replaying moments and re-reading old messages just to feel close again.
I’ve been staring into space a lot, in the mess of it all. Playing our songs.
Reflections, guilt, regrets… but also the warmth of memories, the strength of love, sometimes laughter shines through the heaviness.
And in all of it—here’s what I keep coming back to:
Why do we wait?
Why do we wait until death is near or already here to say the important things?
To forgive.
To connect.
To tell people how much they mean to us.
To spend time and just be with them.
We live like we have time.
And then we don’t.
So here’s what I’m learning, slowly and painfully:
Be more present.
Make the call.
Send the message.
Apologise first.
Love loud.
Say what you need to say—while you still can. Don’t think you have time.
Because the only thing harder than losing someone you love is losing them with words still stuck in your chest.
Cont 👇