11/10/2025
Today marks one of many anniversaries. This was my first chemo. Each year I think I remember different things about this day.
I was filled with anxiety, to me that feeling is discomfort in every part of my body. Completely obsessing about the fear of the unknown. Fear of sickness, which I still suffer with today and my body just couldn’t sit still.
I had my Hickman line fitted ( not sure if they use these anymore) and a bone marrow test. Bloods before to check I was strong enough to go ahead, straight in with what they call the Red Devil. It’s weird because all I see in these photos is the taste of it.
From that moment, I didn’t feel like myself for a long time. Puffy eyes, weight gain & just tired all the time. Probably where I get my napping habit from now😂 My body didn’t feel like mine. Nor did my thoughts.
I recently found out, my cancer although aggressive it wasn’t graded as they don’t grade Rhabdomyosarcoma.
The nurses and doctors were amazing, I was truly spoilt with the support and treatment I got.
To my Phoebs, you’ll never understand how much you got me through this. As a younger sister you are my rock. As I get older I realise more and more everyday what my mum & dad went through and still deal with. I admire how they handle their good days and their bad days.
I appreciate everyone who was there for me,dropped a text or came to visit- even if I was in and out of sleep half way through conversation. I believe the ones that stayed and the ones I have gained in my life further down the line are the ones I needed for the longer journey.
If you know something going through this, just be there for them in whatever capacity you can🩷💚
