06/04/2026
I ended the night last night sobbing. And I mean a proper big ‘ugly cry’…
You see I had had a run of not getting enough sleep over a few nights - & 2 dogs waking me to take them ‘up the garden’ 4 or 5 times at night that weekend. So I was really tired. I’d had a sociable and beautiful Easter weekend staying with family but I often find that sort of thing, no matter how lovely, a wee bit draining. Plus I’d had a busy week on the run up to Easter and had probably over stretched myself a wee bit. Between reiki clients, hosting 4 circles and platform work and a big garden transformation. It would be true to say I was running on a low energetic tank.
And on top of all that I felt a dear friend had crossed a line & spoken to me out of turn, and had treated me without absolutely any care or consideration for my feelings and I was feeling very upset and angry and let down about that.
In short, I was feeling tired and upset and emotionally raw when I went to bed…and then I got a message from my first husband.
Now Vladick, my husband, was called home to glory in 2007 and has been in touch in some really profound and uncanny ways which are too elaborate to go into here. And perhaps it was no coincidence that he sent a message last night - because we’d only just been watching home videos of him (and my parents and old family friends all in spirit) just that afternoon. Back when he was young and handsome and very much alive.
And ‘his’ song was Snow Patrol’s Chasing Cars….which might seem like a romantic song between husband and wife. But it was actually a song he shared with our wee white Jack Russell dog. And he and she used to go for afternoon naps together. And he’d play that album as they lay in bed and slept.
“If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?”
That specific song has even been sung to me by mediums and last night, as I got into bed, a revised live version was sent to me by a medium.
Coincidence? Not a chance.
And I had an ugly cry, with big fat tears of raw thanks that he had made his ongoing love and support for me so very clear. Just at a moment when I was really needing it. And that’s the beautiful, and hard thing, about love.
Bodies might come to an end. But Love doesn’t die. It just changes form.
And if you knew, as I knew last night, that those who have loved you are still around you, supporting and caring and wrapping their arms around you, then you, like me, would be thankful beyond measure.
Because it’s not just in the big, unmistakable moments like a message from a medium or personal signs, like songs being sent, that feel just too well timed to ignore. It’s there all the time… in ways we don’t always notice because we are too caught up in the messiness of our minds and in the business of life.
There is something - call it spirit, love, God, the unseen, whatever feels true to you - that holds us, even when we feel like we’re falling apart. In fact, especially then.
When we are tired, overwhelmed, raw… when we feel hurt or alone or misunderstood… we are not left to carry it all by ourselves. There is a support that doesn’t disappear, even when we can’t feel it. There’s a Love that is always there.
And, in the moments when we invariably fall apart, we can remember:
That we are held.
That we are guided.
That we are loved far more deeply than we can ever fully understand.
Not just by those who once walked beside us in love…but by a Love and by a mystery very much bigger than we will ever fully comprehend.
And that each of us will end our journey where we began - in the heart’s deep mystery.
Reunited with that Love.
Sending love
Ali x
P.S I’ve had a great sleep now