Aem counselling

22/03/2026

That line people throw at you, “I’ve never seen that side of her”, is a polite way of calling you a liar. It lets them keep their comfortable picture of her and leave you holding the mess alone. They get to sound reasonable. You get to feel crazy for telling the truth.

They didn’t see it because they weren’t the one she chose. They got the version she performs. Smiley, helpful, charming, “devoted”. The woman who knows exactly how to behave when there are witnesses. The one who can switch it on in public and save the ugliness for later. People like that don’t lose control everywhere. They pick their moments and they pick their targets.

You lived with the version that came out when the front door shut. The comments that sounded small but were designed to cut. The mood shifts you could feel in your stomach before anyone spoke. The punishment that didn’t always look like shouting, it looked like silence, guilt, humiliation, being made to feel like a burden for having normal human needs. Then she’d walk into a family event and play the warm, reasonable mum like nothing happened.

That’s why it’s so isolating trying to speak about it. You’re not just dealing with what she did, you’re dealing with her reputation doing the heavy lifting for her. Suddenly you’re the one being analysed. Your tone gets criticised. Your memory gets questioned. You get told you’re sensitive, dramatic, influenced. People start acting like your childhood needs a jury, like you have to present your pain in a way they approve of before it counts.

You don’t need them to have seen it. They saw what she wanted them to see. You lived what you weren’t allowed to talk about. If someone uses their limited access as an excuse to doubt you, they’re not safe. Stop explaining. Stop auditioning for belief. Protect your peace and let them keep their fantasy without you in it.

21/03/2026

Addiction is not a failure of character. It's often an attempt to regulate powerful emotions and feelings.

Addiction is extremely complex.

Often misunderstood.

Addiction is thought to start when we are very young. Often as an attachment disorder.
Some addictions can be genetic/hereditary.

20/03/2026

Thanks to Breakthrough Recovery Chorley Group

19/03/2026

17/03/2026

"For a survivor of trauma, the amygdala has an increase of size and activity. This puts you in a constant state of hypervigilance. It has been conditioned to believe that you are always in danger, so it now perceives stimuli in the environment inaccurately as life-threatening, even though you're safe.

"Your body's stress response systems remain active and alert, and your body is unable to return to a calm state of homeostasis.

"This can be the cause of many of the physical symptoms associated with trauma survivors, such as hormone imbalances, insomnia, chronic pain, fatigue, heart health issues, inflammation, and more." .anonymous

16/03/2026

"Most people consider abandonment in terms of a person physically removing themselves from one's life. Although this is a correct definition, it is not the only type of abandonment that we must become aware of.

"Not being aware that there is such a thing as emotional abandonment can keep people in dysfunctional and/or toxic relationships longer than they deserve to be. Once people become aware of the many ways that one can be abandoned, they can more accurately assess those around them and determine who is worthy of remaining in their lives.

"Now, of course, no one is perfect, and we may at times experience let downs from loved ones who unintentionally hurt us or fail to meet a need or two, this is not abandonment. This post is about intentional abandonment, where there is a continuous lack of care and consideration for how one's behaviors may impact others.

"May you all surround yourself with people who would never intentionally abandon you. And may you become the type of person who never abandons her/him-self." –

14/03/2026

Crisis is super-common after , because of the very nature of trauma: to dysregulate our nervous system and emotions. It's not a defect in our character – it's simply a consequence of being traumatised.

Read more in my blog 'Coping with crisis': https://www.carolynspring.com/blog/coping-with-crisis

13/03/2026

We can't nurture our relationship with ourselves if we keep stuffing or pushing away everything we feel or need. If you love a person or a pet, you pay attention to what they feel & need. You take it seriously, even if it's inconvenient.

Self-love works the same way. It's a verb.

12/03/2026

Anger - quite often we find that when we quit substance or behavioural addictions, we're not the calm, guru- like, mindful person that we imagined. Many of us discover we are easily angered.

This might be manageable though it can be a highway to relapse.

Anger often shows up as a highly visible emotion, yet what we see on the surface is rarely the full story.

In psychology and therapy/counselling, anger is often described as a secondary emotion as it frequently masks other feelings (emotional pain) such as fear, sadness, hurt, or shame.

'The Anger Iceberg '( saved to our photo album ' Anger' in our photos/media folders) is one useful tool to explore what lies beneath the surface.

Equally important is understanding what triggers anger in the first place.

This helpful infographic by shows us that triggers can be understood on different levels:

🔹 Immediate triggers: hunger, stress, poor communication, or fatigue.

🔹 Emotional & interpersonal triggers: feeling disrespected, excluded, or unappreciated.

🔹 Psychological & cognitive triggers: fear of losing control, negative self-talk, or a sense of powerlessness.

🔹 Root-level & learned causes: unresolved trauma, early learned behaviours, or unmet emotional needs.

Recognising our own triggers is one of the the steps to managing our anger in a healthier way.

By becoming curious about what sits underneath the reaction, we can begin to respond with more awareness and less reactivity.

Image credit : infographic by