Oasis Psychology

29/05/2026

A recent conversation in reflective practice stayed with me.

We discussed a young person, due to start work experience. Despite the team’s best effort, when the morning arrived he said he couldn’t go, the reason, because he had the wrong shirt. Efforts to find the right shirt, did not shift him, he still didn’t feel able to go. So we explored what was going on. On the surface, it looked like a practical problem. A missing item. An excuse, even. But when I supported the team to reflect and be curious, they realised that the shirt wasn’t really the issue.

The “wrong shirt” was a way of communicating something too hard to verbalise: I’m scared. This feels too much. I don’t know if I can do this.

So often, young people tell us what they are feeling through behaviour, avoidance, or barriers of their won making. If we only focus on the surface problem, we can miss the distress underneath.

In this situation, the young person was at risk of being set up to fail, expected to step into something that felt too difficult, without the support he needed to help him feel safe enough to try.

Our discussion focused on the importance of stepping back. Not pushing harder. Not treating it as non-compliance. But getting alongside him, understanding what was happening beneath the words, and meeting him where he was emotionally.

Sometimes “I don’t have the right shirt” really means:

I don’t feel ready.
I’m anxious about failing.
I need someone to notice that this is bigger than it looks.

This short discussion showed the real importance of reflective practice to meet young people’s needs. If your team is interested in having these types of conversations, please get in touch.

26/05/2026

I had a really interesting supervision session with and from Dorset Wellbeing last week. We discussed a child with complex needs that they are supporting back into education. We considered the multi-disciplinary, systemic approach they are using to build relationships not only with the child, but with family members and professionals. Really allowing for the development of felt safety and security.

Whilst there is still much work to do, progress can be seen through the increased confidence in both child and parent.

This model of working fits really well with the ethos and values of Oasis Psychology, where we focus on an integrated whole-system approach to supporting children with attachment needs and developmental trauma. it is a privilege to be part of this work.

If you are interested in support to work more systemically across the system with children, please get in touch.

22/05/2026

I’ve recently started running at the beach on a Wednesday evening. Whilst the running is still hard work (I’m not sure it will ever get easier) the views of the sand and sea counteract this and I always feel a deep sense of calm once I’ve completed my 5K.

This is one of a few changes I've made to my life recently, to ensure I am looking after myself. So many of us work in a world where we hold other people’s trauma. We hear sad stories and we sit with painful emotions, yet our own self-care is frequently neglected.

Vicarious trauma is a genuine thing and professionals supporting care-experienced children, whilst some of the most resilient people I have ever met, need to ensure they have time to process their emotions too. This allows for better quality support for the children we work with.

So what are you doing to look after yourself this week? How are you creating little moments of self-care?

19/05/2026

The subject of Intergenerational Trauma came up in Reflective Practice again today. A young teen with a child, trying to navigate parenthood unsupported by family, whilst still being a child herself.

When your own experiences of parenting have been neglectful, abusive, or role reversed (e.g. child as carer) how can you possibly know how to parent yourself.

And so the cycle begins. The children who were abused and neglected by their parents struggle with the enormity of caring for a baby, when their own care needs haven’t been met. Their survival instinct is activated and unhelpful attachment behaviours kick in. They either prioritise of their own needs over their babies, or overcompensate to provide everything they can for their babies, whilst neglecting their own needs, ultimately preventing them from being able to care effectively. Either way, the pattern of attachment insecurity and trauma persists.

This sad cycle of trauma happens far too frequently and at present, we don’t have the resources or investment to break the pattern. So whilst we may not always be able to prevent this cycle, a reflective space to consider need and find opportunities to get alongside families, goes a long way to showing them an alternative way of parenting. It can create a safe space to allow them to do things differently.

15/05/2026

5 Reasons Why Care Experienced Children Can Push You Away When They Need You Most

Parents, carers and professionals I work with express that this can be one of the most confusing parts of supporting children with trauma and attachment needs. The moments they reject comfort, connection, or help are often the moments they need it most.

When a child withdraws, or pushes adults away, our instinct may be to withdraw too. But often, these are the moments when children need us most. This makes more sense when we think about a child's behaviour whilst holding their attachment need and early trauma in mind.

Here are 5 reasons this can happen:

1. A child’s early attachment experiences shape how they seek comfort
Some children have learned that adults are not always emotionally available, predictable, or safe. Even when they need comfort, they may instinctively push others away.

2. Trauma can make closeness feel threatening
For children who have experienced abuse, neglect, or frightening relationships, being emotionally close to someone can trigger fear as well as need. This can create that confusing “come here / go away” dynamic.

3. They may be protecting themselves from rejection
If a child expects to be misunderstood, dismissed, or let down, pushing adults away first can feel like a way to stay in control and avoid hurt.

4. Stress can trigger survival responses
When a child feels overwhelmed, their nervous system may move into fight, flight, freeze, or shutdown. What looks like withdrawal or rudeness may actually be a trauma response.

5. They may be testing whether the relationship can hold difficult emotions
Sometimes behaviour is the question: Will you still care for me even when I am angry, scared, or hard to reach?

Understanding behaviour through an attachment and trauma responsive lens helps us to look beyond the behaviour and consider what is driving it. This topic frequently arises in reflective practice and supervision, allowing us to make sense of what is happening in the relationship, stay curious, and respond in ways that support the child rather than simply react to the behaviour.

12/05/2026

I’m on a podcast!

This is a big deal for me, someone who a year ago was scared to even create a social media post. Who really didn’t think she had anything to say to the world!

A massive thank you to for giving me the opportunity to share my journey through private practice so far. For the space to talk about developing a service that fits with my values and allows me to work systemically with my client group. For a chance to discuss my work with .

Thank you too to for giving me the confidence to put myself out there in the first place!

I’d love for you to have a listen. If my bravery allows just one other person to be brave, or to change their practice, that would be well worth it.

Consultancy and systemic change in private practice with Dr Laura BennetWelcome to the Business of Psychology podcast. Today I’m joined by Dr Laura Bennett, a clinical psychologist with over 20 years of experience supporting children, young people, and their families through some of life’s most ...

08/05/2026

I often see the phrase “it’s not just trauma” used in discussions about children’s behaviour, particularly when we’re rightly considering neurodiversity alongside early attachment disruption and developmental trauma.

However, in my eyes, this minimises the devastating, long-lasting impact of early trauma experiences on children’s lives.

Developmental trauma affects brain development, nervous systems, relationships and identity. It shapes how children experience the world and how safe they feel within it. When we minimise this impact, we not only risk misunderstanding behaviour and missing what children are really communicating, but we dismiss the true horror of the experiences they have had.

Taking time to stop and reflect can be challenging. To truly understand the impact for a child we need to put ourselves in their shoes, to feel the hurt, pain and fear they hold and to recognise the huge damage that being hurt by the person who is supposed to love you can bring. How the fear that children carry constantly and the damage to their brains really can affect them in a way that mirrors neurodiversity and that this is no less important.

Taking time to reflect in this way, validates their experiences and allows us to provide the support they need. Where do you get your reflective practice support from?

05/05/2026

When Attunement Comes Easily, and When It Doesn’t

Attuning with young children who have not experienced early trauma can feel relatively straightforward. Their emotions are often clearly expressed through facial expressions, body language, and behaviour. Their needs are visible and the responses we offer feel intuitive.

However, attunement becomes far more complex for children who have experienced developmental trauma.

When early caregiving has been associated with pain, rejection, or inconsistency, children adapt in order to survive. Emotional expressions may be muted or confusing. Signals can feel contradictory or difficult to interpret. Needs may be communicated indirectly, or not at all.

The scowl that means “I like you.”
The shrug that means “yes, please.”

Without an understanding of trauma, these signals can easily be misread, leading to missed opportunities for connection.

Why Indirect Work Matters

This is one of the reasons I place such importance on indirect work with parents, carers and professionals.

Supporting adults to slow down, observe, and reflect on how children express their needs can fundamentally change relationships. When we move away from focusing solely on behaviour and instead attend to the meaning behind it, we create the conditions for attachment security to develop.

Small moments matter. Noticing fleeting glances, subtle shifts in posture, or brief expressions of joy can offer powerful insight into what a child needs in that moment.

Reflective Practice as a Tool for Attunement

In my reflective practice sessions, we spend a lot of time exploring attunement.

We think together about moments of connection, however fleeting, and consider how these can be nurtured and held in mind during more challenging times. Reflective spaces allow professionals to move away from reaction and into curiosity, strengthening relationships and reducing burnout.

This focus on attunement also underpins the Video Interaction Guidance (VIG) interventions my team and I provide. By helping adults notice and build on moments of positive connection, VIG supports the development of attachment security and confidence in caregiving relationships.

Slowing Down to See What Matters

Attunement is not about getting it right all the time. It is about being present, open, and willing to notice.

In my experience, parents and carer who are supported to take the time to really see children, especially those whose signals are hardest to read, have the most success in building opportunities for positive relationships, trust, and connection.

Reflective question:
What subtle signal from a child have you noticed recently that changed how you understood their behaviour?

01/05/2026

Therapeutic parenting is often misunderstood.

It isn’t permissive.
It isn’t about lowering expectations.
And it certainly isn’t about “letting children get away with it.”

Therapeutic parenting recognises that all behaviour is communication, especially for children who have experienced early trauma, who may not feel safe enough to communicate their needs verbally.

When a child is dysregulated, traditional discipline strategies often escalate rather than resolve situations. Therapeutic parenting, which focuses on empathising and understanding the needs of a child whilst ensuring boundaries remain clear, shifts the focus from control to connection. From consequence to containment.

Boundaries still exist. Expectations still matter.
But they are delivered with an understanding of overstimulated nervous systems, attachment needs, and survival responses.

It’s not about being soft.
It’s about being safe and building connected, relationships which really matter.

28/04/2026

When you are care-experienced, food matters. Many of the children and young people I work with have experienced periods in their life where food was unavailable, when they didn’t know where the next meal was coming from. As a result, availability of food becomes intrinsically linked to feelings of safety and security.

Yet, for young people in mainstream secondary school, negotiating school canteen systems can be a trauma in itself. Large open areas, high numbers of students milling around without structure, systems and rules that don’t make sense, not knowing if they have enough money to buy what they want. All of this can feel overwhelming and unmanageable. Frightening even. We then wonder why children return to class after lunch less regulated and unable to learn.

When supporting care-experienced children, we often forget that day to day activities the rest of us don’t even think about, can increase arousal systems to the point that they enter ‘survival mode’. A period in the day, considered to be restful by most, becomes stressful and scary.

When education staff have opportunities to stop, reflect and empathise with young people, it can allow the focus to shift to the things that really matter, safety and security throughout the whole school day. When a child feels contained and safe, their capacity for learning grows.

If you work in education, does your school provide reflective practice opportunities?