29/03/2024
Did you ever lose a part of you? A part of you that made you who you really are, but that somehow, someone stole it from you? Or in my case, squashed it down so I didn't know how to find it again...
You see, as a little girl, I smiled a lot, I loved smiling, and I knew people loved being smiled at. It made me feel good, and it made them feel good, so it was a win-win for all of us.
But being bullied at high school took that away, it made me shy, it made me nervous, it made me scared, scared to be me, scared to stand up for who I really was, and scared to speak out against those who hurt me.
And the truth is that, although I moved on from those days, went on to university and then into my chosen career in the Police Force, something remained squashed; something continued to keep me down; something stopped me from being who I truly am.
Until one day, when one of my senior officers, Insp. Noble, stood in the gap for me. He believed in me, he looked out for me, and something shifted and I realised that I was ready to start looking out for me too.
But you see, by that, I don't mean that I started to put me first, not at all. What I mean is that I realised that the real me was still there, it had never gone away, I just hadn't known how to express it, or what to do with it. The real me, the smiling me, hadn't disappeared, it had just been frightened away, it had simply gone into hiding.
And because of that, I hadn't been able to fulfill my calling - I hadn't truly been able to show up in the world in the way that I'm needed.
Did I get it right straight away? Did everything change overnight? No, of course not, but when it did, I felt my heart sing, and I knew that I was never going to let myself be squashed away again.
More than that, I knew that I was going to stand up for others whose voice has been stifled, smothered, or stolen away. I was going to open the way for them to own themselves again. To believe in themselves again; for self-acceptance to prosper, and for their right to do whatever they are called to do.
I will stay by their side, I will shout their name from the rooftops, I will stand in the gap for them, until the gap no longer exists, and they are changing the lives that they were always called to change.