Knights Counselling

18/08/2025

Copied from post by Lucy Power Trauma expert

I asked ChatGPT (thank you Denise!) for psychologically devastating truths that unsettle even those of us who’ve spent decades inside this field:

What do you think?!

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1. Love is never unconditional in practice.

Every human relationship carries terms and conditions, even if unspoken. Attachment is contingent on behaviour, availability, and capacity. Winnicott’s “good enough mother” is the closest we get — and even that is not unconditional. The fantasy of unconditional love is more stabilising than its reality.

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2. You will betray yourself to survive.

Trauma research shows that children consistently choose attachment over authenticity (Maté, van der Kolk). You will silence your truth, abandon your needs, and contort your personality in order to maintain proximity to caregivers. These betrayals of self do not evaporate — they calcify into personality traits.

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3. Memory cannot be trusted.

Loftus and others proved that memory is not a recording but a reconstruction. Every time you recall, you rewrite. Much of what you believe about your past is part fiction, bent to preserve the self-image you need in order to function.

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4. The psyche feeds on conflict.

Freud, Jung, and later object relations theorists all converged here: the unconscious thrives on tension and paradox. You are not wired for peace; you are wired for struggle. Without it, the psyche creates conflict to avoid psychic death.

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5. Most people don’t want healing.

They want relief. They want a story that explains them. They want symptoms reduced enough to keep living the same life. True healing demands the dismantling of identity structures built on pain — and most people unconsciously refuse because it feels like annihilation.

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6. Your self is multiple, not singular.

IFS (Schwartz), ego state theory, and depth psychology all confirm it: you are not one coherent self but a system of parts. The “I” you think is unified is an illusion, a coalition of shifting fragments negotiating control.

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7. Growth feels like death.

Real transformation requires the nervous system to relinquish survival strategies that once kept you alive. That process is not comfortable, it is terrifying. Clients often resist it precisely because it feels like they are dying — and in one sense, they are.

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8. Your deepest wounds are not just yours.

Epigenetics and intergenerational trauma studies (Yehuda, Schore) prove that trauma is transmitted biologically and relationally. You are living out pain and patterns that are not solely personal but ancestral, systemic, and collective.

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9. Freedom is intolerable for most.

As Erich Fromm showed in Escape from Freedom, true freedom demands responsibility, self-authorship, and existential aloneness. Most people unconsciously prefer dependency, dogma, and external authority to escape the terror of freedom.

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10. You will never be fully healed.

There is no pristine, trauma-free self to return to. The psyche does not reset; it integrates. Healing is not erasure but reconfiguration. You will always carry scars, and the desire to be “finished” is itself a defence against the ongoing work of being human.

11/07/2025

Copied this from a post from Psychology treatments :-

Keep in mind that ‘good enough’ parenting is good enough.

The Attachment Theory: How Childhood Affects Life

The way you were loved as a child is not just a memory.
It’s a blueprint.
A blueprint for how you’ll navigate the world as an adult.

You think you're over the childhood scars, don't you?
You think those early years don't matter anymore.
But the truth is, your earliest relationships are the foundation for every single relationship you’ll ever have—whether you know it or not.

It’s called Attachment Theory, and here’s what you need to understand:
If you were raised by a caregiver who was inconsistent, unavailable, or emotionally distant—guess what?
As an adult, you'll likely struggle with trust.
You’ll doubt people’s intentions. You’ll have difficulty opening up.
And most of all, you’ll feel like you’re always walking on eggshells when it comes to the people you care about.

But it doesn’t end there.
When you grow up without emotional stability in those early years, you carry that with you.
You’ll feel anxious when someone you love pulls away, even if it's for a day. You’ll question their feelings, their loyalty, and their commitment.

And then there’s avoidant attachment—the silent killer of relationships.
The child who learns to fend for themselves, the one who didn’t get the emotional support they needed—becomes an adult who shuts down when emotions get too heavy.
They withdraw.
They build walls so high that no one can get close enough to hurt them. But in doing so, they also push away the people who love them most.

Secure attachment?
It’s rare but not impossible.
A child raised by parents who were consistent, present, and emotionally available will grow into an adult who can trust. They can love without fear. They can communicate and set boundaries. They can be vulnerable, and they’ll thrive in their relationships.

But the attachment wounds of childhood don’t just vanish when you turn 18.
You can carry them into adulthood, affecting how you form friendships, romantic relationships, even how you show up at work.

Healing these wounds takes work. It takes awareness, courage, and a willingness to rewrite the scripts you’ve carried for years.

You don’t have to keep reliving your childhood experiences through every relationship you enter.
The good news?
You can change your attachment style.
It takes time. It takes effort. But it starts with understanding that how you were loved—or not loved—shapes who you are today. And then it’s your job to do the work of changing the narrative.

Because no matter your past, you are worthy of healthy, loving connections.

27/06/2025