21/03/2021
Today I turn 40. Life has been kind, I’ve been blessed with a loving family, great friends, and a wonderful wife. We share three unique little humans, who, with one wide eyed ‘are you ok Daddy?’, manage to quell any upset caused by their regular bouts of scribbling on walls and late-night tantrums.
I’ve had success as a chef and hospitality professional, recently stretching myself beyond the kitchen to take a leading role in the creation of a family of restaurants that will be a part of the regeneration of a historic community here in the North East.
On the 10th September last year I was on a Teams call. I knew what was coming but still somehow hoped that it wasn’t. Papers were shuffled and the voice turned to a script and my whole head started to tingle. It felt like an electric shock buzzing up my spine and across my scalp. I was being made redundant. I felt hollowed out, half relieved that I’d been put out of my misery, half aware that my challenges were only just starting.
I managed to drum up private chef bookings through November, December and January. One by one they were cancelled as the COVID restrictions started to bite. My business isn’t eligible for government support and telling Sarah that another glimmer of income was gone felt something close to shameful.
One afternoon in January, I was standing in front of the stove at home, surrounded by the makings of a venison stew when I realised that I had absolutely no desire to cook. I’d never felt like that before. It felt like defeat, like I had let the people that I love down.
Family and close friends rallied round as they always do and a new voice asked me a simple question - who do you want to turn up as each day? It made me realise that, long before Covid, I’d lost connection with my craft. Cooking has always been my passion, providing the space for me to express myself creatively and emotionally, but this space had gradually been eroded by the weight of my own expectations. So I started to cook again, just a few meals at home with the kids, but it’s been so uplifting to feel the fun and positivity coming back to the kitchen. I’m loving it, sharing it with the family and on social media too.
So here I am, embracing my 40s. And today there’s only one thing I want to eat – a perfectly grilled rib eye steak, triple cooked chips, béarnaise sauce, a simple green salad and a good bottle of red wine. I feel genuinely excited again, about my food and the decade to come. It’s not a bad starting point for the next chapter…