Have a Heart Wolverhampton

06/10/2025

🔥 Have A Heart Fantasy League – Week 7 Update! 🔥

Another week, another emotional rollercoaster in the Have A Heart Fantasy League — tears, triumphs, and transfers that make no sense whatsoever.

📉 Black Country Ay We might’ve been shouting “Ay We top yet?” last week… not anymore, lads. The only thing dropping faster than their points is the temperature in Dudley.

⚽ Attacking Ants are swarming their way up the table like they’ve found a spilt pint of sugar. Someone put them in the VAR room, they’re buzzing! 🐜

💅 Harry Saint Germain still strutting around like they’ve signed Mbappé on loan. Calm down mate, it’s only Bowen.

😬 Mount Bains are climbing and sliding faster than a broken escalator at Merry Hill. Consistency is for other people.

🐺 Wolfie is howling their way back into relevance — finally remembering that FPL exists. Fair play.

💥 Halloumi Hitmen are sizzling this week — putting the “grill” in thrill. Someone’s clearly had their salad tossed the right way. 🧀

😎 Goated continue to prove they’ve never heard of modesty. The name still checks out though — fair play, you’re cooking. 🐐

🍺 Kofi’s Athletic FC Scratchings for Tea continue their Midlands tapas tour — a pint, a pork scratching, and 2 points. Iconic.

🎸 Beatles Boys shouting “Help!” as they drop down the table like Lennon’s glasses.

💼 Tax & Tzatziki still balancing the books and the kebabs — keeping it feta than most.

😤 Old Carthusians proving that ancient history can still hurt feelings in modern fantasy football.

💣 Dawn’s Dynamite quietly creeping up like a lit fuse — you’ve been warned.

⚖️ Betterthanfishing – only just. But judging by your score, I’d say fishing’s making a comeback 🎣

🏆 Meanwhile, Bratch Rovers and Vanderers are battling it out mid-table like two blokes fighting over the last sausage roll at Greggs.

In summary: no one’s safe, everyone’s delusional, and half the league still doesn’t understand how bonus points work. See you next week for more chaos, captain fails, and cries of “WHY DIDN’T I TRIPLE CAPTAIN HIM?!”

30/09/2025

🚨 HAVE A HEART FANTASY FOOTBALL – WEEK 6 UPDATE 🚨

Well well well… after the chaos of Week 5, the dust has barely settled and Week 6 has already served up enough drama to keep VAR busy until Christmas.

👉 Black Country Ay We clearly took last week’s motivation speech from Peaky Blinders a bit too literally – climbing the table like Arthur Shelby on too many espressos.
👉 Bratch Rovers proving they’re more reliable than a dodgy Aldi sat-nav, still hanging around like that one mate who won’t leave the pub at closing.
👉 Harry Saint Germain – classy name, PSG vibes, but still more West Brom than Mbappé. Respect the effort though.
👉 Jota 18 are moving like a dodgy WiFi connection – sometimes on fire, sometimes buffering. This week? Looking sharp.

Meanwhile…
⚽ Scratchings for Tea had everyone fooled into thinking they were Sunday league pub snacks FC… but nah, they’re still hanging around the mix like a bag of pork scratchings you can’t put down.
⚽ Kofi’s Athletic FC tried to sneak two names onto the list this week like VAR wouldn’t notice. Nice try lads, but we saw it 👀.
⚽ Wolfie still lurking like a pound shop Diego Costa – you don’t know if he’s about to score or bite you.

Shout out to Halloumi Hitmen – they’re squeaky on the outside, fiery in the middle, and no one really knows what to do with them.
And Tax & Tzatziki continue their campaign to prove accountants can, in fact, play football… so long as they’ve got a dip with it.

The chasing pack – Betterthanfishing, Beatles Boys, Dawn’s Dynamite – still dreaming of glory but, let’s be honest, might just end up with a sympathy pint and a kebab on the way home.

All in all – the table’s tighter than Wolves trying to defend a one-goal lead. Bring on Week 7.

🔥 Who’s going to bottle it?
🔥 Who’s the dark horse?
🔥 And most importantly – has anyone actually seen Old Carthusians win a game since 1872?

Drop your predictions below ⬇️ and don’t forget – it’s not about winning, it’s about having a heart… and maybe just a bit about bragging rights in the group chat 💬⚽

29/09/2025

25/09/2025

⚽ WEEK 5 BANtasy League Update ⚽

Another week, another load of chaos. Here’s who’s flying and who’s flopping:

🔥 On the up:
• Vanderers finally stopped wandering round Asda and actually found the pitch – big climb this week.
• Bratch Rovers have gone from background noise to proper contenders – someone’s been on the Lucozade.
• Mount Bains keep on climbing like a bloke three pints deep scaling the kebab shop counter.
• Cols Cloggers quietly kicking shins and climbing the table – proper old school football.

😬 On the slide:
• Wolfie went from top dog to sad pup, howling at the wrong end of the table. 🐕
• Scratchings for Tea got a bit too comfortable at the buffet – slipped down while others pinched their points.
• Attacking Ants – last week buzzing, this week squashed under someone’s shoe.
• Betterthanfishing …bold claim, but judging by the drop, the fishing rods might need dusting off. 🎣

🤷 The Steadies:
• Harry Saint Germain and Black Country Ay We still strutting at the top like they own the place.
• Dawn’s Dynamite still threatening to explode but hasn’t lit the fuse yet.
• Everyone else? Hovering around mid-table pretending it’s “all part of the plan.”

Week 6 incoming… expect more shockers, more excuses, and more VAR conspiracies. Bring it on. 😂⚽

16/09/2025

🚨 HAVE A HEART FANTASY LEAGUE WEEK 3 → WEEK 4 UPDATE 🚨

What a week, folks. Some of you are flying, some of you are flopping harder than Antony’s stepovers. Here are the best bits:

👑 Harry Saint Germain still top. PSG in name, PSG in vibes. Just waiting for the inevitable bottle-job in week 6.

🍻 Black Country Ay We holding on near the summit – powered by scratchings and Banks’s mild, clearly. Might need VAR to check for performance-enhancing pork fat.

🐺 Wolfie storming up into the top 3 – clearly captained the right lad for once. Careful, mate, nosebleed territory up there.

🐜 Attacking Ants – unfortunately stepped on this week, someone call pest control.

🧑‍💻 Camteke steady in mid-table, like that mate who always finishes 8th in FPL but talks like a tactical genius.

🍻 Vanderers dropping down quicker than a pint in the Black Country. From glory talk to mid-table walk in 7 days flat.

🧑‍💻 Bratch Rovers making moves like a dodgy transfer deadline day. Someone’s hacked the matrix here.

🎯 Bextra Points still lurking around the middle – bit like Spurs: decent, but no one’s actually scared.

🧀 Halloumi Hitmen – squeaky by name, squeaky by nature. Still getting fried every weekend.

🎸 Beatles Boys falling down the charts faster than “Yellow Submarine” karaoke night. From Abbey Road to League Two.

🐐 goated … turned goat into lamb chop. Dropped like a stone. Messi’s not watching this.

🥗 Tax & Tzatziki – steady in mid-table, dripping in Greek yoghurt but short on goals.

💥 Dawns Dynamite — new team exploding onto the scene. Week 5 could be boom or bust, but at least you’re not Velezwolves52… basement forever, mate.

⸻

In summary:
• Top boys strutting,
• Mid-table sweating,
• Bottom dwellers… start planning next season already.

🤣 Who’s your early shout for Bottlejob of the Season?

01/09/2025

01/09/2025

Week 3 update and the league table is moving madder than VAR on a Monday night. 🤯⚽

🐺 Wolfie went from king of the jungle (1st) to being chased back into the pack (5th) – looks like someone swapped their Red Bull for Ovaltine.

🎩 Harry Saint Germain pulled off the biggest glow-up of the season so far – from 7th to top of the pile. Paris might have Messi, but this Harry’s cooking something different.

⚫ Black Country Ay We went from 9th to 2nd, clearly fuelled by pork scratchings and pure stubbornness.

🐟 Meanwhile, Betterthanfishing… apparently not. From 2nd to 11th, looks like the fish got away this week. 🎣

🥓 Scratchings for Tea are hanging around the top, clearly a diet that works. Keto managers take notes.

⚡ Cols Cloggers must’ve found a cheat code – 14th to 9th in one week. Who needs Mbappé when you’ve got… clogs?

🎶 Beatles Boys went from “Here Comes the Sun” (15th) to “Help!” (18th).

📉 As for Kofi’s Athletic… mate, how do you manage to get worse? 18th to 22nd – relegation form. Someone check if Kofi even logged in.

And Tax & Tzatziki still lingering at the bottom – proving once again that you can’t dodge either death, taxes, or Greek yoghurt.

Moral of the story: week 3 was chaos, and the only thing consistent is that nobody’s consistent.

26/08/2025

WEEK 2 ROUNDUP – THE BANANA SKIN WEEK 🍌⚽️

Well, well, well… Week 2 has shaken things right up! New faces, old flops, and a table that looks more like a game of snakes and ladders.

🐺 Wolfie is top of the pile – clearly channeling his inner Pep, while the rest of us are still trying to work out how to set our lineups properly.

🎣 Betterthanfishing – brand new to the league and already sitting pretty at 2nd. Honestly lads, some of you have been here since day one and still can’t get past someone who’s only just logged in. Embarrassing.

🍵 Scratchings for Tea climbs to 3rd – proof that beer snacks and fantasy football do mix.

Meanwhile…
• Attacking Ants are finally attacking something other than the buffet table (5th).
• Harry Saint Germain doing their best PSG impression – expensive but not quite top 3.
• Black Country Ay We scraping into the top half. Ay we good? Well… not yet.

🚨 NEW RECRUITS 🚨
Welcome to Jota 18, Bratch Rovers, Kofi’s Athletic FC, and Tax & Tzatziki – you’ve arrived just in time to make the rest of us look bad.

Down at the bottom…
🥒 Tax & Tzatziki clearly still marinating, while Old Carthusians are proving that history doesn’t win you points in 2025.
And Bextra Points? Still searching for… well… extra points.

Special shoutout to Beatles Boys who are currently doing a convincing impression of Ringo trying to play striker. 🎸

It’s only Week 2, lads and lasses – plenty of time for glory, plenty of time for humiliation, and definitely plenty of time for someone to forget their transfers.

Who’s your early pick for Biggest Bottler of the Season™?