14/11/2025
Jenny asked me for help with her daughter Eva.
“I don’t know what to do” she said. “It doesn’t matter what I say, all I get is a No.”
Shall we go to the park? NO
Would you like to read a story? NO
How about making a cake? NO
Jenny found it hard to understand – because the suggestions were for Eva! It’s not like she was giving her castor oil or insisting that she clean the bathroom.
No is a way that some children protect themselves. The suggestion introduces uncertainty, and uncertainty makes them feel anxious – so they bring out their shield. NO!
And that is the Automatic No.
The Automatic No can be used without even hearing the suggestion, because it’s the enquiry which causes the distress, not the content. It doesn’t really matter what the suggestion is, because it makes them feel too anxious to think. It comes up so quickly that it’s like a reflex. Some children even say No in their sleep.
That’s what this webinar is about. It’s not just about managing meltdowns or reducing demands. It’s about understanding the Automatic No and why it’s so important for demand avoidant children.
The thing is, the Automatic No works well. It protects the child from uncertainty and anxiety. But it comes at a cost, and that cost is new experiences and learning.
The cost is that they can’t do things they want to do, because their need to protect themselves is too strong.
So how can we help our children when they are stuck behind an automatic No? When they can’t say yes to anything - and because of that everyone is stuck?
Because change is possible - even when it feels impossible.
Yes it’s recorded. Lunchtime on Thursday November 27th.
https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/helping-your-demand-avoidant-child-with-change-tickets-1964030267400?aff=fb2