Lucy Hoskins Counselling

17/10/2025

25/09/2025

What are you hopeful for? Does that hope fill you with happiness, freedom and positivity or does it make you feel bad about yourself, stuck in a continuous cycle of never feeling good enough?

14/08/2025

To all the young people receiving their college results this week, remember this is one part of your life experience, it does not define who you are.

📌 You are not your results.
📌 Celebrate the wins and acknowledge the disappointment.
📌 Allow yourself to feel whatever you feel and then pause.
📌 Now go forward to be whoever you want to be.

10/06/2025

Its all so easy to judge the behaviour rather than understand what is driving the behaviour. We dont just do things, our behaviour is an outcome, a symptom even and so to change it we need to understand what's behind it.

I've used teachers as an example as I work with a lot of young people and neurodivergent young people who struggle with the school environment. This isn't a blaming post. Teachers are doing their best but we need to acknowledge the impact our draconian school system is having on young people - the rules, the inflexibility, the isolation, the one size fits all approach. It is damaging and we need to do what we can to help young people thrive, not survive.

02/05/2025

Heard about this book from .holistic.psychologist and already a third of the way in. Makes total sense as to why adult daughters can struggle so much with low/no self worth, a lack of sense of self and a general feeling of not good enough. At the root of the often addictive, obsessive, ruthless, angry, rebellious, adaptive behaviour, is a deep need to be accepted, nurtured, protected, loved and seen. A yearning to experience real, unconditional connection with people.

For all those adult daughters who have mother hunger, I see you, you are not alone.

This book will help you name that feeling, that void, that unsatiable thirst for nurturance, guidance and protection. It's a very real thing and something you can grow and learn from so you can experience relationships in a new, healthy way.

Thank you for such a well articulated and validating book.

07/03/2025

So excited to read this book

24/01/2025

This is my "note to self" today. What would yours say? ❤️

21/01/2025

👉 We often think that our behaviour is a consequence of a present situation, but there is more to it than that. What would be helpful to consider is that a situation evokes a feeling which we then unconsciously react to. We aren't just shouting at the waitress for spilling our drink, we are shouting because maybe as a child we felt dumped upon, treated badly, disrespected, had our boundaries crossed, learnt that getting angry was the only way to get our needs met, be heard, feel important. In that moment, we are reacting from our child feelings.

👉 All the time we are reacting to situations from this child place, we will not learn how to respond differently and will continue to behave in the same ways and within the same patterns.

You can change this by doing the following;

➡️ When you feel something, stop ✋️

➡️ Resist the urge to react and instead notice and sit with the feelings that surface

➡️ If you can name the feelings, do. Context is not important but be clear with how you feel. E.g I feel ignored

➡️ Give yourself permission to express how you feel..this might be crying, scribbling on a piece of paper, journalling, screaming, stamping your feet, making notes on your phone, hugging yourself

➡️ Now decide how you would like to respond, if needed, based on your conscious feelings and facts of the current situation. E.g you may say to the waitress, "I feel annoyed about what has happened but I also know it was a mistake and you never intended to do it. Perhaps we can find a resolution that feels understanding of us both"

➡️ Practice practice practice

10/01/2025

When we think about making decisions, our minds go to the future. What goals are we going to work on? What plans will we make and do? What job do we want? What people do we want in our life? Its all about the future and can often be the cause of much anxiety and avoidance. But what are we really avoiding? Are we just avoiding making a choice about our future or could it be that we are also avoiding letting go of our present and past.

Decisions are about endings as much as they are about beginnings. Decisions involve a yes and a no.

So next time you find yourself making a decision, no matter how small it is, consider that your avoidance and overwhelm isnt just about what you are choosing, but also about what you are NOT choosing. You will likely experience grief feelings - anger, sadness, denial. There is space for grieving what's not and no more, alongside welcoming feelings about what is and will be. 

What decisions will you make today?

www.lucyhoskins.co.uk

10/09/2024

We hear the word "boundaries" everywhere, it seems to have become the new buzz word but what does it actually mean to you. What do boundaries look like? Have you broken a boundary and what did it feel like? Maybe you grew up in a home with strict boundaries or perhaps no boundaries at all. Have you learnt that you are not allowed to have boundaries, as you will be viewed as selfish, careless, inconsiderate. This is what we have all grown up with, the overriding belief that we can't say no, we can't make decisions based on our own needs and wellbeing, we can't choose who we want to spend time with and who we don't (family included) etc etc.

Therefore its no suprise that boundaries can have a direct impact on how we view ourselves and our own worthiness, in both negative and positive ways.

Reflect on your own boundaries and consider what boundary you would like to implement in your life. What's stopping you, what might it feel like to state this boundary, what impact would it have on you?

18/06/2024

‘But they’re fine in school…’
This is the reality.