25/10/2025
I don't know who this is for on my page but something that's been on my mind this week & quite prevalent in my work at the moment.
When a young person self-harms, please don’t panic.
I work with young people every week, and I see the same thing happen again and again — the second someone discloses self-harm, adults freeze, exhibit discomfort , sometimes even start to withdraw from the relationship, or start trying to control everything that they can.
Doors get locked or not allowed to be... Scissors vanish.... Everyone’s on edge... Phones get monitored....bathroom time is limited....
Of course, we have to stay risk aware. We need to keep an eye out for escalation and make sure they’re safe.
But being risk aware isn’t the same as being fearful or judgmental.
Most of the time, what they need is calm.
They need to know they haven’t broken your trust, they’re not in trouble, and you can handle what they’ve told you.
So:
❌ Don’t ask to see their injuries
❌ Don’t start hiding everything sharp.
❌ Don’t go silent or make them feel like a risk assessment in human form.
❌ Don’t ask why they did it
❌ Don’t make it a BIG thing
✅ Do check in gently & validate them.
✅ Do keep things normal.
✅ Do remind them that you still see them, not just the harm.
✅ Do give advice on keeping injuries clean
✅ Do offer them their own first aid kit
And if this is beyond your capacity — if you’re out of your depth, unsure what to do next, or it’s starting to impact you — signpost.
Let someone trained in crisis or clinical support step in. That’s not failing the young person; that’s protecting both of you.
It’s not about ignoring it or "encouraging" it , it’s about responding with steadiness and validation, not fear.
Being risk aware means you’re calm, consistent, and watching for change.
Being fearful means you’re reacting to your own discomfort that comes up within you.
They don’t need more panic in their world. They need your chill.
