Hand in Hand Funerals

08/08/2024

I don't recall when I first started referring to funerals as Farewells.

In fact, when creating my service, I did consider calling it A Fond Farewell. I liked the idea of bidding someone a fond farewell but this name did not quite capture everything I was hoping to offer and so Hand in Hand it was.

Using the term Farewell seemed to happen organically and, in truth, I think I must give credit to the families I supported as, increasingly, the word 'funeral' just didn't seem quite right anymore.
Families told me how they hated funerals and I noticed some didn't even like to say the word.

They recounted their previous experience of funerals and described dark, sombre events with people dressed in black, austere funeral directors in top hats and just the overwhelming sadness of such occasions.

I wanted to give families a completely different experience and show them that, whilst they were processing their grief and sadness at the loss of their loved one, we could create an event that allowed them to express their emotions and honour their person at a gathering that was personal and beautiful and completely different to anything they had experienced before.

As the word 'funeral' seemed to conjure such negative associations and memories, I found myself referring to the Farewell we were creating and watched people visibly relax.

A Farewell was something new to them, it was something that could be light, uplifting, life-affirming, beautiful and even a positive experience.

All in all, it is about creating a safe space, where people can be and feel whatever they need to whilst centering around the person who has died and those who loved and cared about them and I am proud to say, with each family, this is exactly what we achieved.

Together. Hand in hand, side by side, as a team.

Since using the term 'Farewell' with families and in writing, I have noticed others have been inspired to adopt this same term.. florists, celebrants and even other funeral directors (even, shhh, some of the traditional ones for whom a funeral has always been a 'funeral')

And whilst the world of funerals isn't always as welcoming to newcomers as it could be, with some even questioning others' credentials and qualifications and even our right to be here, it has been quite heartening to see that a more gentle use of language has resonated and, as I've always said, if it benefits the families they have supported, I am all for it.💛

07/04/2024

Another piece of magic that came from that very first meeting was when Brian's family described how he had been a regular at his local pub, The Fox Inn, where he was very much loved by all, staff and customers alike 💛
When describing how Brian had enjoyed nipping in to The Fox for a pint of his favourite Tetleys, his family recounted how he had proudly told them that one of the barmaids, an art student, had sketched his portrait.
Brian's son, Steven, described how excited Brian had been telling them this news but that they didn't know the member of staff's name and of course, in their grief, hadn't enquired.
Within 30 minutes of getting home that evening, I had tracked down the artist, Edie, via my lovely friend Ella, who also happens to work at The Fox and by the beauty of technology, I was put in touch.
It turned out Edie is equally as lovely and, in addition to passing on her heartfelt condolences, Edie kept me up to date with the progress of Brian's portrait, sending me this photo..not quite finished but nothing short of incredible! 🥹💛
Edie explained that she had returned to her art studies in Oxford and Brian's portrait will form part of her finals this month, after which she will return to York and present Brian's portrait to his family 🥰
Needless to say, The Fox, the place where Brian was so popular and loved was also the perfect venue for his family and friends to gather after his service.
And I can't express enough my thanks to Ella, Edie, Mandy (Manager of The Fox) and all who made this happen ✨

06/30/2024

"He loved a Kitkat"

As I say, sometimes it is just a word, a sentence, a phrase that stands out and sparks an idea.

During our very first meeting, always accompanied so kindly with (the best) coffee and cake (often homemade 💖) with Brian's family, Steven said how his Dad loved Kitkats and those are the exact words I wrote down, just as they were spoken.

I sometimes wonder what someone would think if they saw my 'funeral arrangement' notepad, which always starts as a blank page, other than the person's name, but soon fills up with words and thoughts and ideas ✨

To anyone else it would look like a page of random words: colour, David Austin roses, afternoon tea, camping, light, singsong, blackbird, eco-friendly, beer..'

All of these and so many more I have jotted down and whilst to others they may look random, to me, because I have spent that time listening to families, I know exactly what they mean and their significance.

And, if I feel it has importance, there is pretty much nothing I won't do to make it happen 💖

And as soon as I heard Steven describe how Brian had always loved a Kitkat, of course they were going to feature.

Not only a sweet treat but a moment of remembrance, memories and mindfulness.

And that is the difference 💛

06/25/2024

A super busy start to the year has left little time to post but that doesn't mean I haven't been thinking constantly of the incredible families I have been supporting and the beautiful Farewells we have created for their loved ones ✨

First was Brian's, a very much loved Father and Grandfather and respected member of his local community.

Not only was it an honour to care for Brian but to once again see how the right level of support allowed his loving family to create a funeral which was unique and personal and incorporated many of the things that Brian loved 💛

Often during the arrangement process a story, a memory or even just a single word will resonate and from there we can build a service.

I loved listening to Brian's family describe how he had taken up learning the accordion in his later life and, initially, his family pondered whether we could play a piece of accordian music in the service. I felt we could do one better and was determined to find an accordian player who could play live at Brian's service and, of course, Louisa Starr knew just the chap!

Ben led Brian's guests into the Chapel accompanied by the accordian and played an additional piece during the service and what a wonderful tribute it was.

I'd also learnt that Brian was an incredibly skilled wood worker and his son, Steven, brought a number of his carvings to the service for others to enjoy. The tunic Brian wore in his workshop was gently folded and placed on his coffin throughout the service, alongside his flowers, prepared beautifully by the same florist Brian had used often during his lifetime and in the colour he loved.

Brian's family truly did all they could to honour him, his achievements and show their love for him and it was a privilege to walk alongside them as they did so 💖

04/03/2024

Just incredible! 🤯

I had the easy job..Pete and his team at Heworth Plaice have worked tirelessly for two whole months to convert eggs into pounds and this total is another huge leap towards purchasing two Cuddle Beds for St Leonard's Hospice, something which will bring invaluable comfort to families for decades to come 💝

Thank you to each and every one of you who donated and, especially to Pete and all those involved..you are all amazing! 🙌🏼✨

Peter Abram

03/14/2024

As someone who entered the world of funerals with the dream and determination of not only providing a better experience for those who had lost someone but also to improve the care given to the person who had died, to ensure they were cared for in the gentlest, kindest and most loving way possible, just as we would expect in life.. I find the stories coming out of Hull beyond distressing and utterly beyond comprehension.

I can't even contemplate what all of those affected must be feeling and going through right now.

Thankfully, my very dear friend and CEO of The Good Funeral Guide, Fran Hall, has managed to put into words what so many of us are feeling and I echo each and every one of them.

https://www.goodfuneralguide.co.uk/2024/03/where-trust-is-not-enough/?fbclid=IwAR2cgIIy3FxNWA80BEQ9L5k7Xax8bzS7qr73Xjjn6LJnmr_WggiVRzk2W1U

The care of those who have died is a sacred task, one that is usually entrusted to funeral staff when we employ a funeral director to help with organising a funeral.  

02/07/2024

Our first haul of 500 Cadbury's Creme Eggs delivered to last night, ready to be battered and sold on to raise money for the 💛

With special heartfelt thanks to those who have generously donated so far:


Lisa Chapman
Sian Alexander
Bodil Tse
Chris Sargon
Molly Holmes and Mum
Amy Woodward

And of course, special thanks to the superstar that is Peter Abram who had them queueing around the shop last night, waiting to buy and try 🙌🏼🥰

We are still looking for more donations as Pete is selling these up until Easter with all proceeds going towards buying two cuddle beds for , so please keep them coming 🙏🏼

02/03/2024

This photo of Darcey Draper helping to carry her Dad's coffin yesterday honestly fills my heart 💛

Not only because it shows that this act of love was important to her but because it shows that, with the right support, anyone can carry a person's coffin.

It isn't only men who can carry, nor is it only for the burly or the trained and experienced.

The only things that you need to be able to carry a loved one's coffin are: the desire, the encouragement and the right support and guidance.💗

There have been a number of high profile funerals recently which show just what is possible..

All of the personal choices made by HRH Prince Phillip who planned his own funeral, the live music and singing and dancing at Shane MacGowan's funeral and now, 17 year old Darcey, carrying her Father's coffin on her shoulder.

Showing that, indeed, times are changing, as are people's expectations ✨

02/02/2024

It was an early start for Pete and I as we went on BBC Radio York's Breakfast Show to talk about The Cuddle Bed Fund 💛

And I finally got to try a deep fried battered creme egg and can confirm they are WOW! 🤯

So far we have had around 500 creme eggs donated with still more to come in but Pete and I are determined to sell as many as possible and really hope to raise over £1,000 for the Fund.

So, please, keep your donations coming in (I am happy to collect) and also make your way to Heworth Plaice Fish & Chip shop from Monday 5th February to try your own piece of crispy, gooey, chocolatey deliciousness! 😋

And thank you to Georgey and the team for making us so welcome 💗

01/21/2024

My contribution to get the ball rolling 💛

144 creme eggs which equates to over £200 for Nick's Cuddle Bed Fund.

With several other pledges already offered.💝

Thank you so much everyone but please keep them coming 🙏🏼✨

Peter Abram Heworth Plaice Louise Ryan Michelle Louise Smith

01/18/2024

Absolutely thrilled to team up with Peter at Heworth Plaice Fish & Chips, who has very kindly agreed to the return of his super popular deep fried creme eggs with all proceeds being donated to Nick's Cuddle Bed Fund 🥰

Peter previously sold these in 2018 to raise funds for SANDS, selling over 600 battered creme eggs!

They were so popular, customers have asked every year since if he would be doing them again but time (and needing an extra fryer) meant that he hasn't.. until now!

A quick email and Peter was immediately on board for this wonderful cause ✨

Deep Fried Cadbury Creme Eggs will be on sale from February 5th from Heworth Plaice 😋

Please treat yourself (apparently they taste like profiteroles!) and/or if you would like to donate any creme eggs, please take them directly to Peter at Heworth Plaice, YO31 0AA or I am happy to collect and deliver them for you 💞

Please also share this post Yorkies!

Thank you Peter for being such a legend! 🫶🏼

Heworth Plaice Peter Abram

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-england-york-north-yorkshire-67685695?at_link_origin=BBC_Yorkshire&at_format=link&at_link_type=web_link&at_link_id=A9A2AE7E-98DA-11EE-B643-8530AAF30DC0&at_medium=social&at_campaign=Social_Flow&at_campaign_type=owned&at_bbc_team=editorial&at_ptr_name=facebook_page&fbclid=IwAR2jhCqeXFUv3Zj176ngt2TFFy34WsjV_VHWteQMSFtHloYzoV7bhU5ESZs