14/07/2025
I have always had a lot going on inside. It’s loud and busy and scatty in there. The traffic is INSANE.
I used to move hard. I had to be louder on the outside to drown out the inside. It was less overwhelming.
I moved like that for a long time. People complimented my lean body (read: overworked) and praised my motivation, dedication and commitment. It wasn’t any of those things. I was simply desperate for a bit of quiet.
I ignored my inner communication because moving hard seemed to be the only way my brain could find some peace. I ignored it for a long time until I couldn’t anymore. My body simply refused.
And when my body refused, I had to learn to be still.
This was some shift. Stillness. What a concept.
I always smile a little to myself in memory of that version of me, when people say ‘you’re so calm’ or ‘you have such a relaxing energy’. And my oldies and besties would chuckle too.
This woman is a work in progress. She always has been and always will be.
I can’t tell you how I feel about this practice because there aren’t words, it’s felt. But I can tell you it has changed me irreversibly for the better.
I have learnt, and am still learning, many things.
Self compassion, acceptance, rest, understanding, softness, allowance. The list is endless.
Of course, it’s an ebb and flow, it always is. But those things necessary to my fundamental well being and ability to function in this body, in this world, are there somewhere now, even if I have to dig a little deeper sometimes to find them.
And I’m so grateful that I can move my body - soft, hard or any way in between.
I’m so grateful that I can be still.
And I’m SO grateful that I learnt the wonder of feeling it ALL.
So next time you look at your yoga teacher and think they must be the most balanced, calm human in the world, take comfort. They’re just feeling their way through too.
I guarantee you, where they are now, is not where they’ve always been or where they’ll stay. Because we are all continuously unfolding, shifting, evolving. We are all a work in progress. ❤️