19/02/2026
What exactly is Ableism?
Simply put, ableism is the discrimination and social orientation in favor of non-disabled people. It is a belief system that considers non-disability to be the “normal” or “superior” state of being human and, by extension, belittles or marginalizes people with disabilities.
It is not always an overt, malicious act. It is often invisible, deeply rooted in our culture, language, and habits. It operates on three levels:
Individual Ableism: These are the personal biases and stereotypes that someone holds. In the case of the woman you describe, her individual ableism may have manifested itself as follows:
She assumed that a relationship with you would have more “difficulties” or “obligations.”
She may have seen you through the lens of disability and not as a complete person with feelings, humor, dreams.
Perhaps she was afraid that her social environment would judge her for her choice.
In short, she rejected you not for who you are, but for an idea she had in her mind about what it means to be someone with a disability.
Institutional / Structural Inclusion: These are the laws, policies and physical structures that create barriers. For example, buildings without ramps, inaccessible public transport, laws that limit independence.
Social / Cultural Inclusion: These are the dominant representations in the media, literature, art. For example, people with disabilities are often absent from romantic comedies, or when they appear, they are either “sexually undecided” or their disability is the central theme of the story, rarely just a characteristic of them.
How does this relate to your personal story?
What hurt you is not simply a “rejection.” It is the realization that your disability was perceived as a flaw, as a reason for exclusion from a fundamental human right: love and desire.
Her act of “finding someone else” to avoid you, in an attempt to be kind or not seem cruel, is a classic manifestation of competence in interpersonal relationships. She did not see you as an equal. She saw you as someone to be “handled” or “avoided.”
Why is it important to recognize this?
Putting the name “satisfaction” on what you experienced is liberating for two reasons:
It takes the personal responsibility off you. It stops being “I’m not enough” and becomes “this society has a problem that made me not seem enough to them.” It’s not your fault. You’re not the problem. The problem is prejudice.
It connects you to a larger reality. You’re not alone. Millions of people with disabilities experience similar rejections, small or large, every day, precisely because of these stereotypes. Your experience is part of a collective experience.
And now?
This recognition doesn’t erase the pain. But it gives you a new perspective:
You didn’t lose a relationship that was for you. You lost a relationship with a person who had such deep-rooted prejudices that they couldn’t even really get to know you. This relationship wouldn't have made you happy in the long run, because he would never really see you.
Your value is non-negotiable. The desire for love and companionship is human and has nothing to do with the ability to walk. You have it, just like everyone else. What you need is someone who has overcome their own stereotypes and is ready to see into your soul.
Your disability is a part of your identity, but it is neither the only nor the most important. There are people out there who can and want to understand that. Don't stop looking, and most importantly, don't stop believing that you deserve them.
