Dr. Diego Busiol, Psychoanalyst in Hong Kong

04/12/2025

Are you just venting, or are you changing?

💡 The moment therapy actually starts working

Have you ever felt stuck in a loop of frustration?
Maybe you feel treated unfairly at work, or misunderstood in your relationships.

At the beginning of psychotherapy/psychoanalysis, it’s normal to vent. We list our grievances: the bad boss, the difficult partner, the injustices of life. These feelings are valid.
But venting alone doesn’t bring change.

✨ The Turning Point

Real transformation begins when we stop looking only at what others are doing to us and start looking inward.
It happens when we shift from Complaint to Curiosity.

Instead of asking “Why is this happening to me?”, try asking:

👉 “What do I have to do with what happens to me?”
👉 “Why do I react this way?”
👉 “What drives me to insist on this particular way of behaving?”

📝 A Real Example

I once worked with a talented woman who felt constantly undervalued at work.
For many sessions, she spoke about her unfair boss and the lack of recognition.

The breakthrough didn’t come from changing her boss.
It came when she finally asked herself:

“Why do I crave this specific recognition so badly?
Is it really about this job, or is it touching an older wound?”

That question broke the cycle.
She stopped fighting for validation from people who couldn’t give it, and started understanding her own needs and history.

🧠 The Takeaway

Psychoanalysis isn’t about “fixing” you, and it’s not about blaming you.
It’s about taking responsibility for your own story.

When you start questioning the unconscious patterns you bring to the table, you begin to see how you participate in what happens to you — and that’s exactly where the power to change emerges.

👉 Read the full article on my website: When Change Begins in Psychoanalysis: The Turning Point

https://diegobusiol.com/when-change-begins/

💬 Feel free to comment or share if this resonates.

03/12/2025

Those who fear abandonment haven’t abandoned themselves enough.

❓ Why do we become addicted to people we barely know?
Sometimes, a person enters our life and suddenly we feel “switched on.” We feel coherent, capable, seen. And terrifyingly, we feel that if they left, that clarity would vanish with them.

This is not just “love” or “attachment”. The other person has become a guarantor of our worth; they have a structural function. We are breathing through their lungs.

The fear of being abandoned often stems from a refusal to abandon yourself to your own speech – to risk speaking in the first person and following the thread of what emerges: thoughts, doubts, dreams, questions. Instead, you cling to someone else to tell you who you are. You use them as a mirror, a judge, a guarantor of your reality.

🔇 You silence yourself to keep them close. You edit your words. You become what you think they want.

But as long as you need them to authorize your existence, you will be terrified of losing them.

🔓 So, how do you break the cycle?

It’s not about “loving yourself more” (which is often useless advice). It is about embracing the risk of speaking.

In therapy, the work isn’t to find a better partner, but to learn to say whatever comes to mind, or what you feel, without looking for approval first. To speak without a safety net. To surrender and just speak. 🗣️

When you stop needing an external witness to prove you are “right” or “good,” the fear of abandonment loses its power. You stop needing a crutch, and you finally start standing on your own words.

One can overcome the fear of abandonment (by the other) only by abandoning oneself to the Other – that is, to what emerges in speech: one’s own truth, desire, ultimately the unconscious.

✨ The Other does not abandon.

I wrote more on this mechanism here:
👉

Struggling with fear of abandonment? Discover how psychoanalysis helps reduce dependence on the other and rebuild a stable sense of self.

09/11/2025

Why is everybody speaking of ADHD?

ADHD is the word of the hour.
Feeds packed with checklists, confessions, hacks.
Forums asking “Do I have it?” Reels on repeat.
Some days, it feels like it’s the only "diagnosis" we talk about.
Meanwhile, medical‑psychiatric estimates still say ~3–5%.
❓ Why this gap?

• Why is this label so popular today?
• Why does it resonate so much?
• What factors promote its spread?
• Do we even need it as a label?

I find this both striking and moving.
I hear about it constantly — on social media, among friends, and from patients who think they “have it” and ask what to do.

So I went back to basics:

👉 What is ADHD, really? Is it a brain disorder? A new symptom? Or a new name for “old” experiences?
👉 Has it always been there and we’re only now “discovering” it, or is it a distinctly modern phenomenon?
👉 What relief does it offer — and what does it push into shadow about a person’s singular history?
👉 Do we have ADHD — or do we become it? And if one does have/is it, what should they do?

I’ve started a four‑part mini‑series to sit with these questions.

Part I — ADHD: Why It Seems Everywhere — and Why the Label Resonates

https://diegobusiol.com/adhd-why-it-seems-everywhere/

Why ADHD feels ubiquitous: the relief of naming, overlap with common states, and how culture/platforms amplify its appeal—psychoanalytic view.

28/10/2025

How change begins in analysis: from reacting to speaking, from certainty to fertile doubt, from complaint to curiosity. Ways to name the turning point.

26/10/2025

Why does ADHD feel everywhere if only ~3–5% of adults meet criteria (according to most studies)?

Labels can help: naming difficulties reduces shame and creates belonging, so self‑identification increases.

Symptom overlap: inattention, restlessness, and “task paralysis” also appear with anxiety, depression, stress, trauma, and poor sleep.
Social media effects

Exposure effect: checklists, “POV: ADHD brain,” and memes spread because occasional distractibility is common.

Availability bias: the more ADHD content is seen, the more it is noticed in oneself—even when difficulties are mild or situational.

Symptom mimicry: notifications, multitasking, and constant switching drain focus for most people, creating an ADHD‑like feel driven by environment and habits.

Cultural context matters

Rising bar for “normal focus”: always on, rapid switching, tight deadlines.

Moral framing: productivity is treated as virtue; lapses feel like failure or pathology.

Why it resonates: words like focus, procrastination, and time blindness map onto everyday pressures.

Narrative matters
A purely neurobiological story can reduce stigma but also flatten the picture. In a psychoanalytic view, symptoms may express unconscious conflict, needs for recognition, and relational patterns shaped early on. Attention is shaped by history, emotions, relationships, sleep, and context—not only by “a fast brain.”

Beyond the Label
ADHD symptoms are real, yet often the tip of the iceberg. Listening in depth reveals layers:

-emotional (anxiety, anger, inner emptiness),
-relational (search for recognition, fear of abandonment, boundary issues),
-contextual (overstimulation, social expectations, environment).

Stopping at the label risks losing these nuances.

Bottom line
Diagnosis can be a helpful starting point, not the finish line. What matters is the meaning and function of symptoms within a person’s story and environment.

More here: https://diegobusiol.com/conditions-we-treat/adhd/

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21/10/2025

People often come asking for therapy, recounting injustices and disappointments, blaming circumstances. This is understandable; however, analysis truly begins when attention turns to how one is implicated, and the question becomes:

“What do I have to do with this?"
"How am I invested in this situation?”

That shift from complaint to curiosity is often the turning point of an analysis.
I explore why, and share a brief vignette, here:

https://diegobusiol.com/when-change-begins/

Discover when change begins in psychoanalysis, and learn what is the turning point that leads to lasting transformation.

12/10/2025

Feel like everyone expects too much from you? You might be on a Möbius strip—where “external” demands are fueled by your own inner standards and ideals.

A Möbius strip is a loop with a single continuous surface and edge—you twist a strip of paper once and join the ends, and what seems like two sides is actually just one.

In my new article, I explore how this twist keeps us running in the same loop—and how therapy can help make the twist visible so you can step off the cycle.

https://diegobusiol.com/mobius-strip-demands/

Discover how internal and external demands exist on the same loop—like a Möbius strip—trapping you in cycles of pressure, and how to break free.

23/09/2025

Narcissist’ is often used as an insult. Behind difficult behaviors there can be real vulnerability. Here, I try to separate stigma from understanding.

Beyond the label: Understanding narcissism's nuances and how stigma prevents help-seeking in Hong Kong. Explore the complexities.

04/07/2025

Many people recognize themselves in ADHD symptoms—restlessness, inattention, impulsivity, outbursts, daydreaming, or feeling disconnected from the “real” world.

But ADHD isn’t a disease with a single cause (like the flu) or a simple answer. It’s a collection of experiences and symptoms that can look different for each person—and often change over time.

Sometimes, what feels like “just how I am” or “just how my brain works” is really a way (often unconscious) of coping with stress, avoiding uncomfortable feelings, or dealing with overwhelm.

Restlessness, distraction, or impulsivity may have once protected you—even if now they sometimes create problems.

💡 It’s not just about attention:
• Difficulty concentrating isn’t just a “technical” problem—it can be a way of avoiding inner emptiness, anxiety, anger, or sadness.
• Relationships—especially early ones—shape how these patterns show up. Seeking approval, struggling with boundaries, or feeling “never enough” can all play a role.
• Sometimes, the body “speaks” too: restlessness, tension, or the urge to keep moving can be ways of expressing discomfort or unmet needs.

ADHD isn’t a virus you “catch.” It’s also not a fixed condition or a life sentence.
These symptoms often overlap with anxiety, depression, trauma, or past difficulties—and can shift depending on your environment, from school to work, from quiet moments to busy days.

So, don’t just focus on the label.

Psychoanalysis offers a space to explore what these experiences truly mean and do for you—beyond the label. It’s about understanding yourself more deeply and giving voice to what’s unspoken.

Want to know more?
✨ Read my ADHD FAQ: https://diegobusiol.com/conditions-we-treat/adhd/

14/02/2025

Traditional Chinese values, business culture, fast-paced life, and psychoanalysis.

I shared my experiences and reflections with colleagues at the Ljubljana School of Psychoanalysis. Join the conversation and share your thoughts:

0:05 Introduction: Encountering Hong Kong's Otherness
5:20 The Absent Psychoanalysis: An Unexpected Research Journey
11:37 Key differences between Psychoanalysis and any other orientations
14:02 Psychoanalytic Listening and Hong Kong Culture
17:18 Obstacles and Opportunities for Psychoanalysis
22:22 Psychoanalysis was never brought to Hong Kong
25:48 The practical and goal-oriented attitude of Hong Kong
29:35 My Clinical Experiences in Hong Kong
32:35 Psychoanalysis in China: A Complex History
47:45 The Persistence of Traditional Values and Their Impact on Symptoms
51:20 The Contemporary Symptom: Between Tradition and Modernity
54:52 Psychoanalysis in the Hypermodern Context

In this talk, I share my personal perspective from practicing psychoanalysis in Hong Kong for over 15 years. As a psychoanalyst and author of "Psychoanalysis...

07/10/2024

🔍 Explore some of the reasons behind the widespread discussion of impostor syndrome in today's society.

1 SOCIETAL PRESSURE - The "Be Anything" Paradox

🌟 Society sends us double messages: "You can be anything!" But the hidden caveat is "as long as you're rich, famous, and productive." This paradox suggests freedom while constraining authentic self-expression, creating a breeding ground for impostor feelings.

🏆 Furthermore, the "meritocracy myth" - the belief that success is purely based on individual merit and abilities - further intensifies feelings of inadequacy by ignoring systemic factors and privileges (Imposter feelings are prevalent among women and minorities).

2 SOCIAL MEDIA IMPACT - The Amplifying Effect

📱 Impostor syndrome has surged in recent years, particularly since becoming a topic on social media. This could be a mass identification effect, but social media also intensifies our tendency to compare ourselves to others' curated lives. The "highlight reel" effect creates a distorted view of reality, fueling FOMO and amplifying feelings of inadequacy.

3 A SYMPTOM OF OUR TIMES - A Reflection of Current Social Discourse and Ideals

🧠 Impostor syndrome is part of a broader trend including anxiety, narcissism, ADHD, burnout and eating disorders - symptoms of an ego struggling with contradictory demands. It reflects the tension between societal expectations and personal authenticity. This contrasts with historical, repression-based symptoms and highlights our evolving societal discourse.

💡 Two paradoxes: a) this society tells you that you're free to be anything you want, but in reality there are many pressures to which the ego feels it cannot respond; b) in our self-absorbed, ego-centric society, we struggle to define our true selves.

🌱 Interestingly, when managed well, impostor syndrome can lead to greater self-awareness and humility, driving continuous self-improvement.

💬 Share your thoughts in the comments