Behaviour Coach HK

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Hong Kong
Wan Chai
Behaviour Coach HK

Helping families move from daily power struggles to mutual understanding and progress — without relying on punishments, bribes, or yelling.

Certified Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) Provider | Based in Hong Kong

"Kids do well if they can."

21/05/2025

CPS (Collaborative & Proactive Solutions) in a Nutshell!

25/04/2025

"I hate it. It’s boring." 😒📚

That’s how a lot of kids respond when asked about something they’re struggling with.

But that’s not the whole story.
And if we want to solve the problem, we need to understand it better. 🧩

In CPS, we use a simple but powerful tool called Reflective Listening 🔁🧠
It’s about listening without judgement and gently asking the child to say more. 👂❤️

We mirror what they’ve said, and follow up with clarifying phrases like:

💬 “How so?”
💬 “What do you mean?”
💬 “Can you say more about that?”
💬 “I don't quite understand.”

👨‍👩‍👧 Example conversation:

Parent: I’ve noticed you’ve been having trouble getting started on your English book report. What’s up?

Child: I hate it. It’s so boring. 😩

Parent: You hate it and think it’s boring. How so?

Child: Writing sucks. ✍️💢

Parent: Writing sucks? What do you mean?

Child: I don’t get it.

Parent: You don’t get it. Can you say more about that?

Child: I don’t get how to write the sentences.

Parent: You don’t get how to write the sentences. Can you say more?

Child: I don’t know how to start the first paragraph. 📄

💡 See how each question brings us a step closer to the real concern?
Instead of arguing, correcting, or lecturing — we’re listening. 👂🧘‍♀️

That’s how collaboration begins. 🤝✨

10/04/2025

Why am I always arguing with my child?!

At the heart of most conflicts is this:�👉 One person's concerns are being ignored, while the other's expectations are being imposed.
Think about the last argument you had with your child.�Did you know what your child’s concerns were?�Did you understand what made it hard for them to meet your expectation?
Now imagine if you had a way to find out what those concerns are — and solve the problem in a way that’s both realistic and respectful of everyone’s needs.�That’s exactly what the Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) model helps us do.

🧠 Let’s look at a real-life example:
Mum was adamant that John eat a nutritious breakfast before school — a glass of milk and a slice of toast with jam. After all, how could he possibly focus on an empty stomach?
But John would avoid breakfast at all costs:�🔹 Distracted by toys�🔹 Running away�🔹 Even tried flushing his food down the toilet
Mum tried everything — rewards, punishments, encouraging words, loud voices, even a point system. Nothing worked. In fact, it made things worse.

💡 Here’s what Mum didn’t know:�John was getting stomach cramps from the milk, making his school days miserable. But John had difficulty communicating — he didn’t have the skills to say, “Milk hurts my stomach.”�All he knew was: Breakfast = Pain.

🛠 How the CPS Model Helps
The CPS approach teaches parents to:�✅ Identify and understand their child’s concerns�✅ Express their own concerns clearly�✅ Work together on solutions that are realistic and mutually satisfactory
When both parties feel heard and respected, conflict fades away.
Because here’s the truth:�Kids (and people) do well if they can.

📩 Want to learn how CPS can help reduce conflict in your home?
Let’s talk.

15/01/2024

Effective (& Not so effective strategies) for solving problems with your child.
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Traditional Strategy – Plan A
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In Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS), we recognize there are various game plans to go about solving a problem that has cropped up. Plan A is the old-school way where adults identify a problem and decide what’s going to happen to rectify the problem. Now the child is not involved in generating solutions nor have their points of view been considered. It looks something like this: 🤔
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Vegetable Mandate:
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Concerning Behaviour: Child refuses to eat vegetables and dreads mealtime.
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Plan A Approach:
Parents assume that it’s the type salad leaves the child hates and opt for a different more expensive variety for the child. Surely this would do the trick! Now, this solution is one sided and doesn’t consider the child’s concerns. In fact we don’t even know what the child’s concerns are yet! Mum and Dad force compliance with some form of punishment hoping to “motivate” the child.
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Ineffectiveness:
Child resists, and mealtime becomes a battleground. This solution is also largely based on the assumption that the child is “unmotivated” and “just being difficult” hence the need for a punishment to force compliance.
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Where Plan A Falls Short:
Now, while intentions are coming from a good place, Plan A fails to address what is getting in the way (or what’s making it hard) for the child to meet the parents expectation. In this case, eating his vegetables. Forced solutions (Plan A) often creates conflict resulting in concerning behaviours and deteriorating relationships.
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Meet Plan B: Teamwork for the Win!
Plan B is all about teamwork, and finding realistic solutions that address the concerns of both parents and child. Lets illustrate what this looks like : Parents notice that child is having difficulty finishing their vegetables during dinner time. Parents are concerned that child is not getting enough fibre in diet which could result in health complications down the line. After a thought provoking discussion with child to find out their concerns, parents identified that the child isn’t opposed to eating vegetables. Only the salad dressing which the vegetables are often saturated in.
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Having both concerns on the table. Parents (getting enough fibre in diet) and kids concern (too much salad dressing). They generated a solution that was realistic and addressed both concerns.
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This one was an easy solve. Child suggested that parents put salad dressing on the side in the future which Mum was more that happy to do.
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Problem solved. No more chaos at dinner time.
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01/01/2024

Should I be teaching my kid lagging skills? 🤔
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Frustration tolerance, emotion regulation, problem-solving, and communication are some skills that kids with concerning behaviours often lag in. 🧠 Now, while it's perfectly logical to assume that if one lacks a skill, we should teach them this skill directly, unfortunately, there is no magic button for direct skill teaching. 🚫 However, Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) is a great way to enhance those skills and find solutions to the triggers of concerning behaviour. 🌟
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One key takeaway is that parents don't need to become experts in every lagging skill. 🚀 Let's say a child is lagging in organizational skills, doing homework a nightly battle. The CPS process doesn't demand parents become organizational gurus. It involves the child in generating solutions that consider both parental and personal concerns, fostering collaboration and proactive problem-solving instead. 🤝
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CPS is not just about addressing lagging skills; it's a journey that indirectly hones essential life skills for both parents and children. 🌈 It's a shared effort toward understanding, empathy, and finding solutions that work for everyone. Real-life challenges become opportunities for growth and connection. 🌱

25/12/2023

Are we teaching our kids to be late by solely emphasizing coping strategies? 🤔 The common focus often revolves around instructing children on what to do when frustration hits. While invaluable, the emphasis could shift towards teaching kids how to be early in recognizing and preventing the triggers of their frustration. 🕰️👦
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Calming corners, designed to help children step away and collect themselves, can be immensely useful. Learning how to take a moment and step away when things become overwhelming is invaluable. However, if a child is frequently taking breaks throughout the day (10 - 15 breaks a day), the strategy lacks sustainability and productivity in the long run. 🚫🔄 Redirecting our efforts towards collaboratively identifying and addressing the root causes of frustration proves more beneficial than relying solely on reactive measures. 🤝🔍
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Our language matters. De-escalation, while crucial, shouldn't monopolize our attention; prevention is key. It's about changing our timing, adopting a proactive approach, and embracing preventive measures. By doing so, we remove the heat of the moment, providing us with far more options, as calmer heads prevail. 🌬️🤯
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This shift is comparable to preparing for a potentially cancelled flight. If you have an important appointment that you MUST attend, perhaps also researching alternative travel arrangements in advance and thinking through what to do IF the flight gets cancelled allows for thoughtful decision-making rather than reactive emotional responses at the gate. 🛫🤔
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Let's equip kids with a proactive mindset, fostering resilience through early intervention. This not only empowers them to navigate challenges but also ensures that in moments of difficulty, a cool-headed approach opens a wider range of options. 🌟👧🧠

11/12/2023

🌟 Will Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) Help Me Get Expectations for My Child Met?🌟
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People often ask me if Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) is a good way to get their child to meet their expectations. In CPS we go one step further and help you get your concerns met instead! What exactly is the difference between getting your expectations met and your concerns met?
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Take this example, Mum expects that her son Johnathan attends remedial after school math classes. This expectation stems from the concern that if Johnathan doesn’t achieve a passing grade in math, it will greatly hinder his university choices.
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However, the issue here is that Johnathan is having severe difficulty meeting this expectation and has concerns of his own. This disagreement has caused immense conflict at home in the form of shouting matches and various objects being thrown around the house, sometimes even at Mum.
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Now, while the remedial after school math class is a great solution for addressing Mum’s concerns, it doesn’t consider Johnathan’s concerns, points of view or lagging skills. We adults often jump at the opportunity to solve a problem all on our own! Often without truly understanding the others concerns.
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Perhaps Johnathan isn’t receiving the care and attention that he needs from this remedial after school math class. Maybe he’s so far behind that he needs individualised attention. We wont know for sure until we involve Johnathan in the conversation and find out what’s really getting in the way.
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One great way to arrive at mutually satisfactory solutions, where Mum and Johnathan’s concerns are both addressed is through, collaborative problem solving. It is entirely possible that a potential solution that does consider everyone’s concerns might not have anything to do with the initial expectation. Though, does it still matter if everyone’s concerns are being met?
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Probably not 😉

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Wan Chai

Telephone

+85297414656

Website

http://behaviourcoach.hk/

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