Sally O'Reilly Psychology & Psychotherapy

11/09/2025

A friend just texted me, and put words on something I couldn't.
I've watched as many of you have, the demise of free speech, the silencing and attempted silencing of concerned citizens, the rise in commitment to victimhood, the rise in our "Ok-ness" with being utterly horrible to each other online.
And in real life.

But cheering an assassination?

We need to take a large step back. We really do.

09/09/2025

A welcome clarity - as a start. More to be done:

"This is not only a legal matter but also a public health concern. Confidentiality is central to therapy, just as solicitor–client privilege or the confessional seal are inviolable. Undermining this trust harms not only individual survivors but confidence in the entire Irish mental health system."

Thank you Irish Association of Humanistic & Integrative Psychotherapy - IAHIP

The Irish Association of Humanistic and Integrative Psychothera**sts (IAHIP) sets and maintains the standards of relevant psychotherapy training and practice in Ireland. We represent humanistic and integrative psychotherapy at national and international levels.

21/08/2025

I'll follow this up with lots of photos of me on the beach ... ( ya no, I won't... )
Brief break from my time off to show you this ( and in doing so hoping to encourage you to put your phone down too or at least admire your surroundings for a while whether at home or away) And then the phone's going away again 👌👌

It was fun chatting to Chrissie from The Irish Independent again!

Why I hate holiday photodumps: Our vacations have become more about fishing for likes than making memories | Irish Independent

The suitcases hadn’t even been unpacked and the smallest child was still shedding sand from various nooks and crannies, but I was already on it.

17/07/2025

Cos every time I see a photo of a child I think to myself "Y'know what's missing here? A big dose of strong lipstick to make her more attractive ... " 🤮

👀

04/06/2025

SO MANY posts about the Leaving Cert and how to support your teen (I even have some of my own on my site if you want to take a peek). Here's a good one written by Guidance Counsellor Brian Mooney and I've screenshotted (sp?) my 2 fave quotes:

https://www.irishtimes.com/ireland/education/2025/06/02/brian-mooneys-leaving-cert-survival-guide-get-seated-30-minutes-before-the-exam-and-dont-wear-a-smartwatch/

04/06/2025

There are intellectual ways of saying things that are true and helpful; and polite ways, and complex ways, and simple ways, witty ways, and plain rude ways...

Today's a 'rude way day' for me, so here it is: and please pardon the language. I mean no offence, I'm sure you know.

And what made me think of it was someone saying to me that they say 'yes' to keep the peace.
It's not the first time I've heard that of course. I've said it myself, to my cost.
When you've said 'Yes', or 'no', or anything for that matter, to 'keep the peace', did it work? And if it did, for how long?

I think it's true to say that, very often, when we try to keep 'the' peace, we destroy our peace.

If we're from a family where there's been addiction, we will know this dynamic particularly well.

I invite to you to consider keeping your own peace. Nurture it. And that might mean listening to yourself more closely. Like - does your gut whimper 'no' when you say 'yes'? Maybe that whimper sounds like a sigh, or feels like a tummy flip or a dread or a tiredness... Maybe your guts screams its way to a panic attack or a headache... Either way, have a listen.

Mind your peace. It's where your health lives and it's where we flourish.

23/05/2025

What a woman. And I love that quote they highlight- "Shame must change sides." 👌👌👏

“I wanted all woman victims of r**e -- not just when they have been drugged, r**e exists at all levels -- I want those women to say: Mrs Pelicot did it, we can do it too. When you’re r**ed there is shame, and it’s not for us to have shame, it’s for them. Shame must change sides.” -- Gisele Pelicot

"Gisele Pelicot told a crowd outside a French courthouse [in December] that she had no regrets about taking her ex-husband and 50 other men to court for ra**ng her repeatedly without her knowledge for years.

'I wanted all of society to be a witness to the debates that took place here. I never regretted making this decision,' she said, according to a translation by The Associated Press. 'I have trust in our capacity to collectively project ourselves toward a future where all, women and men, can live in harmony, with respect and mutual understanding.'

Dominique Pelicot was convicted of drugging his ex-wife's food and drink, ra**ng her for nearly a decade and inviting strangers to assault her unconscious body. He was sentenced to 20 years in prison after a public trial that captured worldwide attention, turned Gisele Pelicot into an icon of strength and brought renewed focus to s*xual violence and consent in France.

The 50 co-defendants were also convicted of r**e, attempted r**e or s*xual assault and sentenced to prison terms ranging between three and 15 years.

Gisele Pelicot called the trial 'a very difficult ordeal' and shared a message of support for others who have experienced r**e and s*xual assault. 'I want you to know that we share the same fight,' she said." -- via PBS NewsHour

Gisele's daughter Caroline Darian has just released a memoir about her and her mother's experience and how they helped give voice to many women who had been silenced -- "I'll Never Call Him Dad Again" at https://bookshop.org/a/8011/9781464257957 (Bookshop) and https://amzn.to/4jikYpX (Amazon)

For several powerful memoirs by young women who survived and spoke out after s*xual assault, we highly recommend "Know My Name: A Memoir" (https://www.amightygirl.com/know-my-name), "Notes on a Silencing: A Memoir" (https://www.amightygirl.com/notes-on-a-silencing), and "I Have The Right To" (https://www.amightygirl.com/i-have-the-right-to), recommended for older teens and adults

For fictional stories that address r**e and s*xual violence and offer a helpful way to spark conversations with young adult readers around s*xual assault, we recommend "Speak" for ages 14 and up (https://www.amightygirl.com/speak), "Girl Made of Stars" for ages 14 and up (https://www.amightygirl.com/girl-made-of-stars), and "The Way I Used To Be" for ages 15 and up (https://www.amightygirl.com/the-way-i-used-to-be)

To start teaching children -- girls and boys alike -- from a young age about the need to respect others and their personal boundaries, we recommend "Let's Talk About Body Boundaries, Consent, and Respect" for ages 4 to 7 (https://www.amightygirl.com/body-boundaries) and "My Body! What I Say Goes!" for ages 3 to 6 (https://www.amightygirl.com/my-body)

For older kids, check out the excellent "Consent (for Kids!)" for ages 6 to 10 at https://www.amightygirl.com/consent-for-kids

There is also a helpful guide for teens on topics such as consent and coercion, "Real Talk About S*x and Consent: What Every Teen Needs to Know," for ages 13 and up at https://www.amightygirl.com/real-talk-about-s*x-and-consent

And if you know a teen girl struggling after s*xual abuse or trauma, “The S*xual Trauma Workbook for Teen Girls: A Guide to Recovery from S*xual Assault and Abuse” may help at https://www.amightygirl.com/s*xual-trauma-workbook-girls

Thanks to BWSS Battered Women's Support Services for sharing this image!

17/04/2025

An important read not just for parents of teens, but men and women of all ages:

**n **nhub **nass*xeducator *xeducation *xEd

Quote: Meanwhile, a 2024 Government survey of 3,000 UK adults of both s*xes found that while 74% agreed it can be r**e even if a victim doesn’t fight back, only 53% of Gen Z said the same. And just 42% understood that marriage doesn’t imply permanent consent — compared to 87% of over-65s.

Is it ok to choke my partner? How can I do it safely? Is it ok to say no to being choked? These are the questions Martin Griffiths, a trauma surgeon at Barts Health NHS Trust, hears regularly from young people. Speaking at the Times Crime and Justice Summit this week, Griffiths warned that s*xual [....

27/03/2025

Here's the shareable link - and sorry again about the last one. Facebook keeps changing! 🤷‍♀️

I've been asked a few times since it aired if I've met kids like Jamie. Truth? I have, yes.

26/03/2025

Have you watched Adolescence yet?
I've been asked a few times since it aired if I've met kids like Jamie. Truth? I have, yes.

A lot of kids are like Jamie. I hear a lot of people saying "kid's a psychopath/ sociopath/ evil...". I get that, I know why they're saying it. But for me, Jamie was also a victim. And in many ways a very ordinary child. The bigger victim in this show was childhood. An effective metaphor. An uncomfortable watch.

So who is the real villain? There is a toxicity out there that our kids are plugged into, transforming their brains, minds, attitudes, gradually, almost imperceptibly, by stealth. Boys are being trained to objectify girls from a young age. And their own self esteem is being linked to power (over people and things, not the good, internal, nourishing self-assured power). No. Tate and Mc Gregor type power. Grim.

"Adolescence"'s writer portrayed this so well - dropping crumbs for us to chew on, like the boy telling his psychologist that he believes he's ugly. He loathes himself. He's 13, and ashamed that he's a virgin. That his dad was ashamed of him for not being great at sport. Another crumb when he begs the psychologist to tell him whether she likes him.

Years ago I wrote a piece about "raising good men", another about "p**n not being what it used to be". Another, well, several, about not blaming teenagers, that we need to take responsibility. Another about p**n use in teen boys. (I used to write a lot.... it was self-care, I was worried, and it helped me to write). I would get DMs telling me to 'dial down the feminism', that I was over reacting, s*xist - the usual stuff from the usual types.

I wasn't the only one sounding alarm bells, not by a long shot. And I'm still worried. But now we see more of it in plain sight. Violence against women has become normal, almost a rite of passage, something to expect, and something WE must take responsibility to avoid... A ra**st recently announced he wants to run for the presidency - and people are there to support him. WTF. As in seriously, WTF. Meanwhile, a man who has clear disdain for women was elected to the presidency of one of the most powerful countries on our planet.

What message does this send girls and women? We're getting a lot of dodgy messages these days and being told to shut up about it.

I see politicians saying every schoolchild needs to see Adolescence and I've been asked about that too. My answer? Ya, sure , show it to them. But that's not enough. The grown-ups are the ones who need to watch this. We need to t a l k to teenagers about p**n, violence. We need to keep an eye on their social media use and t a l k about it with them. I'd prefer if the politicians discussed adults, parents, teachers , themselves watching this show. This is not a burden or the fault of teenagers. This is on us. We need to step up.

How?
1: Limit childrens' phone use and ensure they get enough sleep.(yes, there'll be some resistance)
2: Encourage conversations about what they do online, what they see who they meet, what's fun, what feels off (yes, there'll be some resistance...)
3: Remember that privacy and secrecy are different things (again resistance)
4: Do your best not to fertilise shame.
5: Spend time together and encourage non phone-related face-to-face activities (yep, resistance)
6: Lead my example - what's your own phone use? Your own p**n use? Are you watching p**n that's degrading to violent? Is your partner perhaps watching it and you're turning a blind eye because 'that's what men' do? (they don't all do it, I know). Has that become normalised in your home?
7: Inform yourself about what your kids are seeing and accessing. This will not be pleasant. Because now more than EVER p**n reeeeeally ain't what it used to be.

This is a problem that hasn't gone away. Can we reign it in? I don't know, we have failed in many ways. Our kids are being corrupted, no doubt. It's hard to confront the reality that makes Adolescence both compelling and terrifying. Confront it though, we must. There's still hope.

(It's also the first time I saw a psychologist portrayed on TV that didn't make me want to gauge my own eyes out , so that was nice!)

https://www.facebook.com/NetflixSouthAfrica/videos/1332504151350791

11/03/2025

Oooh - this looks interesting - “We are not getting sicker – we are attributing more to sickness,” the consultant neurologist Suzanne O’Sullivan writes in her exceptional new book The Age of Diagnosis.

(and it's on Audible, just checked!)

https://www.newstatesman.com/culture/books/book-of-the-day/2025/03/our-overdiagnosis-epidemic

How a marked rise in the treatment of certain conditions – physical and mental – is harming, not protecting, public health.

08/03/2025

Yesterday a guy explained to me that most women would be up for crying r**e if they thought the guy they just had s*x with had money.

Sure what did I think was going on with Conor McG? She charmed the judge and jury, that's for sure, he said. He personally knows a guy that's in prison for ra**ng a woman (odd brag) and that guy has a family, a good job, he's educated - are we supposed to believe he'd do that? C'mon Sally, he said. C'mon now. He wagged his finger at me. Shaking his head.

Prisons are full of innocent men, he said. It's a disgrace. So sad.

What do you suppose she'd been doing with him all the other times they had s*x he asked me? I don't know which case he's talking about. I can barely hear him over the sound the blood is making in my skull.

I can hear my heart beating... breaking... I thought he was a nice man.

Erm... she was probably having s*x - good s*x hopefully I said.
EXACTLY he said. Triumphant. His point was proven. She'd no problem with the s*x until she decided she'd get some money off him, or ruin his name for some unknown reason. It's terrible he said, lowering his voice, how many women are out to get men into trouble. They're just a bit... y'know... he was twirling the air around his forehead... peering at me over his glasses. Expecting me to agree. Or maybe not caring, I don't know.

In another life he'd try to get me burned at the stake I thought. Jeepers. In a more recent other life may he'd try to have me locked up for being hysterical...

I didn't know whether to quote the stats to him about how few r**es are reported (estimated 10%), how few of them go to court (14%), and how few of THEM result in conviction... (increasing from dismal 8% in 2008 - to dismal 11% in 2018)

To be honest, I didn't know if I was even safe ... I turned and walked away from him. Heard enough. He was still talking. "And it's Women's Day tomorrow!" he called after me.

I could almost hear his eye's rolling.

Can you guess the question he shouted after me as I disappeared around the corner, vowing to never strike up a conversation with his again? (answers boys and girls in comment section - I'm sure you'll all get it right)

So ya, Happy International Women's Day

BUT BUT BUT and also:

I spent much of today on the feminist Walk of Cork and I TOTALLY recommend it! It's fascinating - (and shameful and enraging and sad) - but great! I was delighted to listen Maggie O'Neill, JP Quinn, Clodagh Finn, Conach Gibson-Feinblum, Naomi Masheti, Sheila Connolly and finally Mary Crilly of S*xual Violence Centre Cork speak so movingly of where we were, how far we've come, how much farther is left to go. Progress feels incremental at times. Especially after 'conversations' like the one I had yesterday. But hopefully, future generations of women will feel more valued. And will feel, and be, safe.

A Feminist Walk of Cork focuses on celebrating the contribution of women to art, culture, society and the city; exploring the role of women in addressing s*xual and social inequalities, and building fairer, safer communities. The walk, which is the first in a series of walks, writes women into the s...