15/05/2026
I used to think moving abroad would just open my life up.
I graduated with friendships, community, and a full life. I had belonging, familiarity, and the easy kind of connection that comes from being known for a long time. Then life took me in a new direction. New country, new opportunities, new version of me.
What I didn’t realise was that I was also leaving behind a whole social ecosystem I had taken for granted.
Suddenly I had no friends and no built-in belonging. I had to start from scratch in a place where everyone already seemed to have their own groups, their own routines, their own people. I tried the local pubs and bars. I tried language school. I tried parties, meetups, and work friendships. I tried travelling more. Doing more. Being more available. Being more impressive.
But a lot of it didn’t stick.
Not because people were bad, and not because I was doing everything wrong. But because I was looking for connection in places that couldn’t really hold it. Bars were often about dating. Work colleagues were kind, but already had their own lives. Travel gave me movement, but not roots. And the more I packed into my holidays, the more I realised I was chasing aliveness instead of building anything that could last.
I burnt out.
And burnout has a way of stripping the performance down. It makes you stop and ask harder questions. It makes you realise that doing more, travelling more, and filling your time more was never the same thing as feeling connected.
Real connection takes time. It takes honesty. It takes showing up without performing. It takes people who can meet you in the middle of your actual life, not just your highlight reel.
Things I’m noticing now: real connection doesn’t come from packing life fuller. It comes from making space for what is real enough to last.