Poliana Mihaela Therapy

03/04/2026

Touching the darkness of anger in children!

Why it’s important that children get angry at us and why it’s important we not retaliate BUT CELEBRATE instead.

All children feel anger, if allowed!

So what’s important first is that they are allowed to feel it, because this is a stage in their development where they separate from
parents. That is something to celebrate, we want our children to become strong adults 🥳, separated from us, don’t we😬?

Therefore, naturally, anger will simply be part of their life.

So first and more important thing is that the relationship is safe enough so they can experience this anger in the first place. If that happens, great, CELEBRATE! The first stage of becoming a strong and confident adult it’s done and you did a good job! You created a safe space where difficult feelings can be felt and expressed. Not all children have this luxury!

Then the most important thing is not how to stop it, manage it or control it, BUT how to CONTAIN IT.

CONTAIN is a fancy work for not crumble and not become angry back😁. Is how you receive it without being crushed by it, hurt by it, triggered by it that you are not a good parent, or angry that you are not “respected” enough or overwhelmed by it.

What to do instead? You simply see it as a vey important and NECESSARY part in your child’s development and ALLOW it without making this about ourselves:

You could say something like this:

I see you are angry that….. and you can be angry, but it’s my job to take this decision. I see it’s not one you like, but it’s one that is good for you.

AND THEN STAY THERE. Here is the trick: do not leave the child alone inside you- THEY WILL FEEL IT, do not punish, do not raise your voice, do not beg for your decision to be accepted. You just stay there supportive and calm and empathetic to the child.

No need to engage in all the things the child might say to provoke you such as the you are a bad parent and whatever else they say. These are just words to make you feel what they feel.

You might feel angry inside, and that is ok. The secret is to not respond from your anger. You sit with it, you know it’s a feeling that is necessary to become adults, to separate from one another, you name it and if you need more to process it you can ask support from another another adult (partner, friend, therapist etc.)

Ultimately, a child’s anger needs us to develop the ability to sit with our own anger and not be crushed by it. This is what Melanie Klein means when she says in her child development findings that a child's development depends on navigating intense
unconscious phantasies of destroying their parents and then seeing those parents survive.

This process is central to moving from a primitive, fragmented state of mind to a more mature, integrated one.

Melanie Klein identifies the following stages:
Destructive Phantasies: infants, but not only, if this has not been integrated, adults also experience powerful impulses to attack and "kill" the primary object (the mother's breast or the parent if the child is older) when they feel frustrated and as a result angry.

Parental Survival and Safety: A child's anxiety about their own "destructive urges" is balanced by their uncertainty about the parent's "capacity to survive them". If the parent survives these phantasies attacks without retaliating, without victimising and without trying to stilt the anger, the child begins to feel safe enough to explore the world.

Initially, the child "kills" the parent in phantasy when they are angry, viewing the parent as entirely "bad".

As the child realizes the "bad" parent they attacked and the "good" parent they love are the same person, they feel intense guilt and sadness for their destructive wishes.

Reparation: The realisation that the parent has survived allows the child to move toward reparation—the desire to "re-create" and "restore" the loved object they feared they had destroyed, building in time a new way of interacting with the worlds that is not split in bad and good. They build the capacity to sit with the anger, feel it, contain it and not put it in act.

Klein believed that while parents' actual behavior is important, the child's inner world of guilt and anxiety often stems more from their own impulses than from real threats. When a parent remains a stable, loving presence despite the child's aggression, it helps the child reorganize their internal world and restore the split inside that says all is bad or all is good.

They build an internal understanding about the world that all decisions have advantages and disadvantages, that there is good in the bad and bad in the good, the balance in the concept of Yin and Yang ☯️ .

They learn to make difficult but healthy decisions and follow through, contain their anger instead of suppressing it and not end up in anger management therapy 😅!

When this process is not successfully completed we develop traits such as: victimisation- oppressed anger and directed towards us internally, passive aggressiveness, violence, depression which is suppressed anger, manipulation- unowned anger- all these have at the core anger.

15/03/2026

13/03/2026

A good enough parent doesn’t need to know it all. They can leave room for learning, exploration and error and trial.

12/03/2026

🐣Why a “GOOD ENOUGH” parent is better than a “PERFECT PARENT”🐥

“Perfection is the enemy of progress.” — Winston Churchill

Some might believe that advising our children to aim for perfection will help them get better at what they are doing. However, perfectionism does not work well with the natural process of growing that children experience every single day of their lives. Growing up involves mistakes, trials and errors, and failure. Children need to become resilient to these experiences, because growth simply cannot happen without them.

A “good enough” parent is often better than a “perfect” one because it allows children to see the human limitations of their parents and build resilience to the idea of mistakes. In turn, this helps them accept their own limitations as human beings.

A parent who constantly strives to be perfect may unintentionally model the expectation that the child must also be perfect. The child may start believing not only that their parent is perfect, but even worse, that they themselves must also be perfect. As adults, they may struggle to recognise their parents’ mistakes and to accept their own. More likely, they may develop a strong inner critical voice telling them they must always do better and that they are not good enough.

Children raised with the impression that their parents are perfect may also develop a strong loyalty to their parents, seeing them as the only ones who truly know how life works. This can make it harder for them to separate, leave home, and build their own lives. The natural process of maturation may become stifled because they remain attached to their parents’ worldview and continue to depend on parental approval even in adulthood.

However, when a parent embraces their own limitations and vulnerability, it can have a very positive impact on a child’s development.

Many adults are afraid to show vulnerability because they believe children need a strong adult to guide them. They fear that admitting mistakes might make the child feel unsafe or unsupported. While it is true that children need strong and reliable adults, embracing our limitations is not the same as surrendering to them.

🐝Surrendering to Vulnerability vs. Embracing Vulnerability🦋

When we embrace our vulnerability, we become stronger because vulnerability does not frighten us anymore, we see it as part of life and something that could connect us instead of separate us.

When we surrender to vulnerability in the presence of a child we allow strong feelings to take over without having a plan. This simply means we are overwhelmed but it does not mean that we embrace vulnerability.

If our child witnessed us in a moment of overwhelm, we could always use the opportunity to set a healthy boundary and offer a role model of self-care. We could say something very simple through which we show them that we are responsible to contain our feelings and that we are in charge.

For example, we might say something simple like:

“I felt overwhelmed earlier on. This is what overwhelm can look like. Remember when you felt something similar? But I will take care of this. I will ask another adult for support. This is not your responsibility.”

In doing this, we show the child that we are responsible for containing our feelings and that we remain in charge of our emotions and in charge of the situation.

By setting this boundary, we also protect the child. Our overwhelm does not spill over onto them in a way that might create anxiety or fear.

When we set boundaries and commit to caring for ourselves, we model something extremely valuable: that asking for support is a strength, not a weakness. We also make it clear that caring for the parent is not the child’s job.

🐞Their job is to play — literally.

The good part is that a good enough parent does not need to be perfect, which I find impossible anyway. By simply being good enough and taking care of ourselves, we offer our children an example of how to care for themselves as well.

No matter how successful they may become in life, they will inevitably experience moments of overwhelm, disappointment, or failure. What truly matters is that they learn how to deal with these experiences without feeling isolated or believing that they should not feel them because they are supposed to be perfect.

Even more important, when a parent is only “good enough” they will not feel the need to pretend they are perfect. As a result, when their child will fail in any way, instead of leaving them alone by saying “You can do this better next time” they might say “When I fail, I sometimes feel like this…” and be with them in that dark place that is called “mistake”. Let’s not forget that trauma grows where nothing connects — in loneliness and isolation.

26/02/2026

The embossed spiral can be used as a tool for grounding by following it with your finger. Could be very soothing following the unfolding spiral in and out, your brain does not need to do anything else, the spiral guides you. Give your brain a break! 💜

22/02/2026

Should therapy be long term or short term? What is therapy? Committing to a therapeutic process could be sometimes daunting or confusing. Terms such as “process”, “therapy” and even “commitment” could be too theoretical that sometimes pushes us even further away from the benefits of therapy.


These 4 online sessions will help you explore in a safe environment, ways in which therapy could benefit you while learning self-care tools and experience various therapeutic approaches led by a therapist.


In these online sessions you will have the opportunity to:
Develop a better understanding of your needs and explore how therapy could meet you in those needs
Learn about different types of therapy - individual, couple, family, etc.
Learn about various therapeutic approaches: talk therapy, dream work, somatic therapy, EFT, EMDR, etc.
Learn a few simple exercises to introduce you to the experience of therapy
Learn simple and easy ways to apply reflective practice that will help you in your relationships

These sessions are for everyone who:
- Is interested in developing their wellbeing and learn about their mental health
- Has contemplated starting therapy but never had a session
- Tried therapy before either for a few sessions or long term and would like to explore new therapeutic approaches and techniques



Where: ONLINE
When: Wednesday 12pm-1pm / Fridays 7pm-8pm
How long: 4 sessions of 1 hour long each
Cost: 30€/session – 120€ in total

Poliana Aniculaesei
Fully accredited IACP Therapist working with individuals, couples, families and children. Poliana’s approach is based in Gestalt Therapy, incorporating Trauma Therapy, EMDR, Family Constellations, dream work and body work.

22/02/2026

This 8 week personal development group aims to support inner growth and offer therapeutic tools that develop our ability to be present with ourselves and with others.

Through grounding practices, creative exploration, and shared reflection, participants are supported to develop a deeper understanding of themselves and how they relate to others.

The group provides a safe and welcoming environment where we meet in the here and now

This group can help you to:

· Discover your personal strengths and learn how to use them more effectively
· Develop greater self-awareness and as a result healthier boundaries
· Improve relationships through authentic contact
· Slow down, feel more grounded, and live with greater ease and self-support
No previous therapy or group experience is needed.
This course can be used as CPD for mental health professionals and certificate will be issued.

When: Saturdays 12pm - 2pm
How long: 8 weeks starting from 14th of March until 2nd of May, 2026
Address: Lower Mount Street, Dublin 2
Cost: € per session / 480€ in total
60€ paid in advance, nonrefundable deducted from the total amount. Payment can be done in two installments. All sessions will be paid including if you are missing as your place is protected. This will be a closed group.

Therapists:

Tanja Tomic
Fully accredited IACP Therapist
With a background in psychology and psychotherapy, Tanja works in a relational way focusing on how early developmental experiences influence our present self.

Poliana Aniculaesei
Fully accredited IACP Therapist working with individuals, couples, families and children. Poliana’s approach is based in Gestalt Therapy, incorporating Trauma Therapy, EMDR, Family Constellations, dream work and body work.

22/02/2026

These 4 online sessions offer a safe environment where parents can explore understanding their children better while receiving support from a Family Therapist and other parents.

Learn ways to support your child through challenges such as tantrums, fears and lack of confidence tailored to the child’s age.

In this confidential space we will focus on developing a deeper connection with your child while supporting yourself in the process.
In these sessions you will learn about:

· What dependency really is and its connection with independency

· Ways to develop a secure attachment style and co-regulation

· Orders of Love and how they can balance our family- including with adult children

· Develop independency while supporting empathy and assertiveness

· Learn about your child’s needs based on the stages of development

· Exploring the concept of a “good enough parent”

These sessions are tailored to the ages of your child/children.

This is suitable for parents with children of any age, including adult children (over 18).

Questions and answers section- ask a Family Therapist any questions you might have.


When: Wednesdays -11am or Fridays -8pm
Where: Online/ Zoom
How long: 4 sessions of 1 hour long each
Cost: 30€/session. All sessions are paid in advance or in two instalments.

Therapist: Poliana is a fully accredited IACP Therapist with an MA in Assessment and Therapy with Couples, Families and Children. She is also trained in Gestalt Therapy, Trauma Therapy, EMDR and is supporting families and children (including neurodivergent) since 2010. She worked in schools and crèches settings with teachers and parents, running groups and individual sessions.

17/02/2026

We do come with a manual!

11/02/2026