01/12/2025
REALLY IMPORTANT Repost
from Pete Wharmby, Autistic Author
How to have a Happy Autistic Christmas
Or...
How to *not* make Christmas a horrible time for your autistic friends and family.
1. Don't force us to smile all the time. Some of us might be very happy, but it doesn't show on our faces. Our emotion and expression don't always match.
2. Do let us escape if we need to, even if it's in the middle of Christmas lunch. It might be an important meal, but if I know I can get up and decompress in a quiet room whenever, I feel far less stressed.
3. Don't make us join in family games if we don't want to. A busy family Christmas can be hell for social anxiety, and being forced to play Twister won't help that.
4. Do take an interest in our presents, especially if they're related to our special interests. I know I always wanted to talk about my new stuff as a child, and it's a real act of love to sit and listen.
5. Don't make a big deal out of seeing an autistic family member, especially if they've been hiding upstairs or something. That whole "hello stranger, look who's *finally* joining us" thing is bloody awful.
6. Do allow us to wear headphones or ear defenders or earplugs if we want to.
It might not fit your Christmas aesthetic, but it's bordering on cruel not to let us dampen the noise for our sound sensitivity.
7. Don't make us wear scratchy Christmas jumpers if we don't want to. The tactile overwhelm that wool causes (plus long sleeves and a tight neckline) is so bad for me personally that I feel I'm going to scream.
8. Do invite us to stuff, even if we might refuse.
It's one thing declining an invitation, and a whole other horrid thing to never even be asked. We're not all hermit introverts (I mean, I am but we're not all the same).
9. Don't get upset if we don't react 'appropriately' to Christmas treats. Those rules of how people ought to behave don't make sense to a lot of autistic people and so we may not do what you expect. We're not trying to upset you, we're probably overwhelmed.
10. Do set out clear schedules and itineraries. It's really helpful to know exactly when things are going to happen, both on a weekly level and also within Christmas Day itself. Otherwise it feels scarily random as our normal routine has vanished.
11. Don't forget to make sure all the Christmas presents that need it (games consoles etc) have been switched on and updated in advance - nothing worse than not being able to use your new stuff as a kid! Not really an autistic thing - more a PSA.
12. Do allow us to have food we enjoy. Autistic people's sensory sensitivity extends to taste and texture, hence why we may seem 'fussy' (urgh). Being force fed food at Christmas is hardly in the spirit of the season.
13. Don't tell us off for stimming. Christmas day is stressful and if we want to fiddle with stuff at the dinner table or tap or sing or *anything* then give us a break, it really helps our stress levels.
14. Do let us be quiet. The stress of Christmas might make a lot of autistic people non-speaking, even if we're not all the time, and being nagged to speak up and say hello to grannie etc can force us down the fast-track to overwhelm.
15. Don't make us make physical contact against our will. Being forced to hug and kiss is a nightmare for a lot of autistic people due to sensory sensitivity and the fact such touch feels too intimate.
16. Do help us get organised if you can. My executive function is absolutely terrible and I find the organising of Christmas to be impossible. If you're in a position to help someone like me then it'd be very kind and lovely.
17. Don't chop and change activities all the time - give autistic guests and family warning time so we can adjust. It very often takes a while for us to change our focus.
18. Do give us clear instructions. If you expect us to make or clear the table, for example, tell us. Many of us really struggle with overthinking these unwritten rules and social expectations.
19. Don't talk to us like we're children, especially if we have a new diagnosis and we're adults (but also if we're children). It's wild how often a new dx leads to people treating us differently - especially more distant relatives.
20. Do have a lovely time and just be as inclusive, compassionate as possible, and reserve judgement always.
Why might autistic people struggle with the Christmas season?
