19/12/2025
The difference between a difficult moment and a manageable one is often smaller than we think.
Over the past few weeks, Iâve been reflecting a lot on regulation â not just in my clinical work, but in my own parenting too. There are moments when I respond in the way Iâd like to, and plenty where I donât. What I keep coming back to is this: a brief pause, a breath, or a few seconds of space can completely change how a moment unfolds.
When we talk about regulation, weâre really talking about the nervous system. When weâre overwhelmed or stressed, our nervous system shifts into protection mode â we react quickly, think less clearly, and find it harder to stay calm or flexible. When weâre more regulated, the system settles. Our thinking opens up, our tone softens, and weâre better able to respond rather than react.
For children, their nervous systems are still developing, and they rely heavily on the adults around them to help them regulate. A calm, steady adult nervous system sends a powerful message of safety. Over time, children borrow this regulation â through tone of voice, facial expression, body language, and predictable responses â and gradually learn to do it for themselves.
Regulation isnât built in big, dramatic moments. Itâs shaped through small, repeated, imperfect practices â at home, in real life, under pressure.
So often, what we need are simple tools we can use in the moment. Each of the exercises mentioned above can be used briefly, right when things start to escalate, to help settle the nervous system. They bring you back into the present moment, rather than getting pulled further into emotion or unhelpful thought patterns. These same practices can also be used for longer, more intentional periods, and when practised regularly over time, they help strengthen the brain pathways that support more stable, resilient regulation.
Try these exercises to see which one works best for you.
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CoRegulation
NervousSystemRegulation
BehaviourIsCommunication
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