16/02/2025
When we begin our trauma integration journey, the first thing we begin to notice are all the way we are triggered on a everyday basis by people, situations, environment, ideas, and more.
Triggers reveal our defences that which gets activated when we perceive that we are unable to make connection, connect or perceive a break in connection that we cannot control or manage.
Triggers results in a defensive autonomic reaction.
What that means is that when our brain perceives unsafety it automatically activates two primary defense response in a hierarchical order.
The first defensive response is mobilisation response by activating the sympathetic nervous system. This increases heart rate, causes tunnel vision in eyes, ears perk up, face tenses, mind becomes alert, voice attains high tone, energy is pumped into our limbs. We are ready to fight or flee from the situation.
If this system is not going to ensure safety then immediately the brain activates the immobilisation or freeze response, energy is withdrawn. We will immediately notice a slowing down of heart rate, mind goes foggy, eyes find it difficult to focus, ears may find it difficult to hear, voice becomes feeble or unavailable, and our limbs become immobile. SOmetimes you might notice your face muscles drawn into a smile, eyes in pleading mode, and the entire body in a submissive mode of fawn. This is the dorsal vagal system taking over to help us survive.
Trauma means that our defacto notion of the present is based on a past memory perception of unsafety or loss of connection. So irrespective of what the environment is, your brain will trigger your defenses of mobilisation or immobilisation based on a past sensitivity.
In that moment we can no longer socially engage or connect with that which we are defended to. Not possible. Whatever happens and however you behave in that moment be compassionate towards yourself. Often in most scenarios, when more than one person is involved and all are enacting their trauma, the situation can escalate and become life threatening fast.
I am writing this post specifically for those consciously on this path of trauma integration. So whatever the situation, and however you reacted, whenever you recover awareness, you have to asses the situation and do a reality check.
1. WAS YOUR REACTION PROPORTIONAL TO WHAT HAPPENED.
100 percent of the cases when trauma is reacting it will not be proportional. Even more so, If our defacto state is defence then we will find it difficult to see this.
That is when you need to consult with someone who demonstrates a regulated nervous system, and can mirror connection or being in the social engagement system to help you see and assess risk.
This step of assessment of situation is the first, most important and also, difficult phase of trauma integration journey. It will take you a while to recgnise the dis-proportionality of your reaction whether to other or towards yourself.
2. Once we gain the ability to assess risk in the moment or in hindsight, we need to slowly learn how to inhibit our primitive defence states through various tools of breathing, sensory attention and regulation, etc.
3. Then we need to learn to inhabit the social engegement system of finding the control back in our limbs, making eye contact, speaking our truth, and discerning whether to continue to be there or walk away. Arriving here sometimes takes many many iterations of meeting our defenses again and again.
Hang in there
ON THIS JOURNEY WHAT IS OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE IS
the availability of the safe other - could be a therapist or a friend or elder or parent.
QUALITIES OF THE SAFE OTHER
By safe other I mean someone who has the capability to inhibit their defences no matter what you are sharing. This SAFE OTHER needs to be able to unconditionally mirror and hold empathetic abiding presence and connection with you, and have the discernment to own up when they are unable to.
That means the trauma recovery and integration journey of the SAFE OTHER needs to be miles ahead of you.
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW.
On your journey of trauma recovery, you hold the power to fire your SAFE OTHER AND RECRUIT ANOTHER.
Know that you will go through multiple SAFE OTHERS and that is natural. As you develop the ability to inhibit your defenses, you may also, outgrow your SAFE OTHER. Then realise that it is time to change and seek another SAFE OTHER without defending your decision, and without judging the safe other. 😉 Remember everyone has their own journey to make.
Your TRAUMA INTEGRATION journey must go on at all costs.
Keep yourself surrounded by those who are also, on similar journeys. It is essential.
