18petals - Child Behavior, Psychology and Parenting

29/05/2025

26/05/2025

There’s a difference between being included and being truly seen. A difference between being allowed and being welcomed.

When a child is merely tolerated, it shows. They become smaller—quieter, more hesitant.

They stop taking risks. They start looking sideways before acting. They internalize the idea that their way of playing, of being, isn’t quite right.

This happens fast. A sigh. A correction. A glance exchanged between adults. The kind of body language kids read fluently.

But when a child is honored, they expand.

You see it in the way they fill the space with their whole selves. In the intensity of their play, the delight in their voice, the focus in their movements.

They don’t have to ask, “Is this okay?”—they already know they belong.

Honoring a child’s way of being doesn’t mean ignoring harm or throwing away boundaries. It means holding space for difference without assuming it needs to be fixed.

Because play isn’t just an activity—it’s an expression of identity. And when we get that part wrong, we don’t just limit play. We limit the child.

22/05/2025

Just because you weren’t the responsive parent you wanted to be today, does not mean that you can’t try and be more responsive tomorrow.” J. Milburn

I have parents contact me, all the time, just devastated that they keep making the same mistakes, even though they keep trying. It’s discouraging for them as they seem to see this parenting approach as a pursuit of perfection. It is not at all. It is about reflection and connection. It is about giving ourselves as much grace as we give our children. Truly modelling grace for our children. Instead of telling yourself “I need to calm down!” Tell yourself “I need to give myself grace.” If you were to shout at your child to calm down, would you expect them to? Well then why do we expect ourselves to feel calmed by our screaming inner critic?

What I initially believed, was that the goal was to have a nervous system that was regulated most of time. What I discovered was the goal is actually to have a flexible nervous system, because our nervous system is meant to fluctuate. Having autonomic awareness allows us to build our nervous system flexibility and emotional intelligence.

Also, co-regulation is one of the best ways to build nervous system flexibility. So if a child receives lots of opportunities for co-regulation from a young age, they are more likely to have nervous system flexibility, throughout their lives. Whereas, if we did not experience effective co-regulation, from birth, we may find we have to teach ourselves those skills later in life.

Understand your nervous system and your child’s with the Emotionally Overwhelmed Workshop Series.

Link in bio or on the Website: responsiveparentinginspirations.com⁣⁣