14/10/2023
TW: Su***de
“On 6 January 2019, my younger brother, who was eighteen, died by su***de. Life as I knew it has not been the same since then.
At 8.45 pm on what I can only describe as a regular evening at home, the doorbell rang, and before I could process what was happening, my father, Rajeev Thakran, ran out of the house.
I only vaguely heard what he mumbled on his way out. I called him a few seconds later on his mobile, and all I heard was a cry.
I remember being gripped by a fear that I could never put into words.
Until that moment, I had never imagined that my father could cry. All he said was, “Raghav is gone.”
Raghav has been quite mature for his age since I can remember. He was an extremely sensitive soul and would always take time to open up. But once he did, he was a joy to be around.
Raghav was my confidant and my ally in the truest sense. He rooted the loudest for me and believed in the dreams I had.
I often ask myself – did I miss something? Could I have helped? I don’t have the answers. And I doubt I will find them.
I thought I knew him. I thought If he ever had a problem, I would be the first person he contacted. I misread him.
My idea about the relationship I shared with him changed after his su***de, and I now feel that perhaps I didn’t know him as well as I thought I did. That is what stings.
Immediately after the su***de, I spent many months feeling incredibly guilty. Even now, I am unsure I want the feeling to disappear.
I had to seek medical intervention and take prescribed medicines to function normally again.
It’s a very crippling feeling – losing a loved one to su***de.
Raghav’s su***de brought Mom, Dad, and me closer.
We wallowed in our collective loss and found solace in each other.
To those who are left behind, life is never the same again.
My way of dealing with the pain was also to immerse myself in work – petitioning the government to set up a 24/7 su***de helpline.
What if Raghav had tried one of those numbers just before the su***de? Maybe if he had spoken to someone, he would have changed his mind.
It’s over for Raghav, and nothing I do or say will ever get him back, but I can try and help others who might be in a similar situation.”
-- Raashi Thakran, Raghav’s sister.
Read more: https://www.thebetterindia.com/.../su***de-raashi.../amp/