Rajeshwari Luther

17/09/2025

Control is not love: How to Tell the Difference Between Caring and Controlling

In the early stages of a relationship, control rarely appears toxic. It often looks like someone checking in, asking where you are, who you're with, or what you're wearing. Such activity may feel like attention or concern, but caring and controlling are entirely different. Here’s how to spot the difference before love becomes suffocating.

1. Jealousy is not a sign of love

We have been conditioned to believe that jealousy is a romantic emotion. People often assume that jealousy is a sign of caring. But true love does not come with paranoia and suspicion. If your partner is always asking where you are, gets mad when you talk to others, or tries to control who you see, that's insecurity, not love. A healthy partner does not have to compete for your attention. They trust you, and they do not penalise you for living your life.

2. Relationship "Rules" Should Not Feel Like Cages

Agreements like exclusivity, respecting time, and boundaries are common. But when these turn into rules you didn’t agree to—such as needing permission to go out, being told what to wear, or being forced to share passwords—that’s no longer about respect. It’s surveillance disguised as love. Rules that limit freedom protect egos, not relationships.

3. Guilt is a tool and not a sign of affection

Controlling partners often use guilt to manipulate others into doing what they want. Phrases like “I guess I’m not a priority” or “If you loved me, you wouldn’t go out” are designed to make you feel unworthy for doing reasonable things. If you always feel forced to choose between your happiness and their approval, you’re not in a relationship—you’re in an emotional trap.

4. Real boundaries come from you, not them

A healthy boundary is something you set for yourself, such as saying, "I need some alone time after work," or "Please don't go through my phone." Controlling people take that concept and turn it against you. They'll respond with, "My boundary is you not going out without me," or "My boundary is you not talking to your ex." That is not a boundary. That is control. Nobody else gets to tell you how to live life under the guise of "respect."

5. Caring feels supportive, not restrictive

What is the easiest way to distinguish between real care and restrictive behaviour? Real care lifts you up. It boosts your confidence. You still feel like yourself, and you don't have to change to make the other person comfortable. You may not be receiving the care you need if you feel anxious, watched, or constantly cautious. You are being controlled.

Love should never cost you your freedom, peace, or identity. If someone who claims to love you tries to control, isolate, or guilt you, that's not love—it's control. You do not owe anyone your silence or submission to keep a relationship.

Click www.hopetrustindia.com for an online appointment with a relationship counsellor.

15/09/2025

Anxiety can manifest in various ways—like tossing and turning at night, having a whirlwind of thoughts, or feeling a general sense of discomfort. The never-ending pressures from work, home, and everyday life really amplify the situation.

Given that many stressors are simply part of life, what are your go-to strategies for managing them?

Learn simple, effective strategies for managing anxiety and stress daily. Begin your journey to calm—take control of your well-being now!

11/09/2025

Our lives in India are chaotic due to our goals, families, and frequent changes. When things are bad, it's easy to write them off as "a bad phase" or "stress". People tell us to be strong, think positive thoughts, and take a walk.

What if it's not that? What if the cloud doesn't go away?

If this sounds like you, know that you're not alone and that these things don't mean you're weak. They indicate that you may need assistance.

You might only need to click to get help now. Let's talk about depression and whether or not online therapy can help treat it.

https://t.ly/HzTRh

Explore how online therapy is transforming depression treatment in today’s digital age. Discover expert insights and compassionate care from Hope Trust.

05/09/2025

Detachment is not about building barriers around your emotions. The aim is to break free from the connections that pull you into the emotional chaos of others. You'll totally notice how much lighter you feel after just one week of using it!

The goal isn't to stop being invested but to invest in a more meaningful way. Embracing a sense of detachment empowers you to uplift others while maintaining your resilience, transforming empathy into genuine strength.

Discover how to practice healthy emotional detachment without becoming cold or distant. Learn to support others while protecting your own mental and emotional well-being. Hope Trust shares expert insights on boundaries, compassion, and self-care.

03/09/2025

Forgiveness: A Gift We Give Ourselves

We often think of forgiveness as something we grant to others. Someone wrongs us, and in time, if we are generous enough, we let them off the hook. But the truth is, forgiveness is never just for the other person; it is just as much, if not more, for ourselves.

Carrying resentment is like holding fire in our hands, hoping it burns the one who hurt us. But it doesn’t. It burns us, slowly and quietly, until we realise that our weight belongs more to us than to them. To forgive doesn’t mean to erase what happened or to excuse it. It means choosing not to let it control us anymore.

In forgiving, we create room for peace, growth, and joy. We stop replaying the old scene and allow new ones to unfold. In this sense, forgiveness is an act of freedom. We unshackle ourselves from the past so that life can move again.

And perhaps the most profound truth is this: forgiveness isn’t about pretending we weren’t hurt. It’s about deciding that our future deserves more than being built on pain.

Have you ever realised that holding onto anger hurts you more than the one who wronged you?

Click www.hopetrustindia.com for an online appointment with a therapist!



Image: 'The Return of the Prodigal Son', 1669 by Rembrandt

03/09/2025

“Do you know what the hardest part of getting older is?”
“What?”
“It’s becoming invisible. When you’re young, you’re still somebody: attractive, fun, charismatic, strong… at the very least, noticeable. But then all that fades. And suddenly you’re ‘that old man in a worn-out jacket’ or ‘that grandma in a beret and an old sweater.’ It feels like you don’t even exist anymore. Like you’ve turned transparent.”

“But you know what? I noticed you the second you walked into the room…”

That line comes from a well-known British TV series. Sadly, it rings true.

Too often, the only thing people see in an older person is their age. No one says, “she used to be a language teacher,” or “he was an engineer.” Instead, it’s: “she’s over 80,” or “he must be pushing ninety.” Over the years, the number of people who actually know your story—who you were, what you loved, what you were good at—shrinks. Friends pass away. Some can’t leave the house anymore. They move so slowly that the only trip outside might be to grab a loaf of bread from the corner store.

Meanwhile, kids are wrapped up in their own pace and struggles. Sometimes they call. Even more rarely, they stop by. The building has new neighbours—young parents with strollers, dads juggling grocery bags. Nobody even knows the name of the elderly lady on the second floor. The corner store has new clerks. No familiar faces left. At best, people know your apartment number and your approximate age. What’s behind those doors? Nobody cares. And that’s how emptiness sets in.

We wonder why Mom calls with “trivial” things ten times a day. Why does Dad repeat the same question again and again? The truth is, they’re just afraid of being forgotten. They want to be noticed. To be heard. Even if it’s only over the phone, ageing isn’t just about adding years—it’s about invisibility. It’s about loneliness. It’s about the deep need to still matter to someone.

Please don’t wait until it’s too late. Call. Stop by. Ask how their day went. For you, it’s a minute. For them, it’s the whole world. Sometimes, a simple “I remember you” is enough to make someone feel alive again—seen, valued, not forgotten.

Click www.hopetrustindia.com for an online appointment with a therapist!

28/08/2025

Perfection, or what appears to be it, does not imply permanence. A bad relationship can sometimes be caused by the complexities of human nature, development, and life itself, rather than a lack of love.

Good relationships can fail due to the complexities of human nature, growth, and life itself, rather than a lack of love.

Explore why even "perfect" relationships can break down. Learn the hidden reasons good relationships fail and how emotional needs, communication, and self-awareness play a vital role. Hope Trust offers insights and support.

23/08/2025

The reason we engage in small talk so frequently is that it's socially safe, helps maintain peace, and prevents us from feeling vulnerable or uncomfortable in deeper conversations.

How then can we get out of this?

When you have meaningful conversations, you make friends, build business relationships, and learn more about each other.

Discover 30 insightful questions that go beyond the usual "How are you?" to encourage deeper connections and thoughtful conversations. Perfect for building empathy and understanding in your community.

22/08/2025

Some people are very good at keeping up a "nice" front, but their actions show that things are different.

Psychology shows that being "nice" and being good are not the same thing. Being nice can be a performance. Goodness is a part of who you are. It shows up when there is nothing to gain and no one is watching, and it shows in how a person treats other people.

So, how do you tell the difference between the two?

Discover the 7 subtle signs that someone may not be as genuine as they appear. Learn how to identify hidden traits that reveal true intentions. Read more on Hope Trust.

21/08/2025

Certain shifts in relationships, finances, education, health, career, and family can trigger more anxiety than others, but stress is part of the human experience.

Check out these top five stressors and discover practical ways to cope with them.

Discover 5 common causes of stress and coping strategies to manage them effectively. Learn to build resilience—read our guide today!

20/08/2025

The dangers associated with alcohol consumption are significantly greater and more lethal for women.

Previous studies on alcohol use disorder primarily centred around male subjects. The increase in alcohol consumption among women is noteworthy, as both genders engage in drinking for distinct motivations and encounter unique challenges. Women often sip to unwind, while men tend to indulge for enjoyment and connection.

Explore the unique ways alcohol affects women’s bodies compared to men. Learn about the biological, hormonal, and social factors contributing to these differences, and how this impacts women’s health and wellbeing. At Hope Trust, we are dedicated to raising awareness and providing support for in...

19/08/2025

Secrets can erode family life. Compulsive gambling destroys love, trust, and stability without anyone knowing.

Let's explore the hidden costs that gamblers and their families bear.

Within this turmoil, gamblers often act generously and sociably to conceal their domestic problems. They may appear loving, but their families often suffer neglect and separation.

As this cycle continues, frustration never stops. Gamblers set unattainable goals, so even when they win, they spend the money on gambling rather than solving their problems.

Consequently, gamblers become desperate, in debt, anxious, and strained in relationships. As things fall apart, addiction worsens, hurting loved ones and threatening everyone.

Gambling addiction affects families deeply. Break free from the web—start your recovery today with Hope Trust. Contact us now!