20/12/2020
SCHIZ-EXPERIENCES
EPISODE: 1 Day:1
That morning wasn’t a normal morning, where we wake up and continue with our house hold chores. That morning was DIFFERENT. I remember waking up in panic, my heart beating fast, clueless about the devastating scream I had just heard. I turned to my right to see if that was her or if it was just my imagination. In those couple of seconds subconsciously my mind had already cooked quite a few scenarios about what might have happened. I was SCARED! Still pacifying myself I touched her on the shoulder and asked- “What happened? Did you happen to see a nightmare?” She did not answer anything and closed her eyes. Assuming that it was indeed a nightmare, I had gone off to slept again with a sigh of relief. Waking up about a hour later I looked for her to ask her if she were fine.
I found her sitting in the drawing room, in front of the television screen, talking to someone. I went in calling out to her but she didn’t answer me, she was still conversing to that someone. Out of curiosity, I turned back to see who she was talking to, and all I could find was NO ONE. Appalled and overwhelmed with what I had just witnessed, I tried earnestly to bring her back to her senses.
She didn’t listen to me. She was not reacting to my voice, or my touch. It felt as if her thoughts were wandering away from the normal range. She was out of reality; something that her mind had created for her, which was was no longer an imagination but a virtual reality for her.
She was able to hear voices of people that weren’t even present there physically. She was able to converse and argue with them! She was altogether in a different zone, a world that her mind had created for her, set by its own different boundaries. The worse part was that she has lost the connection with us, and with ME! Because the people that EXIST, were no longer EXISTING for her!
I was shattered. The person who could listen to my unsaid words was not even responding to my screams. I felt hopeless, and broken. I called up other members of my family but nobody could bring her back to senses.
We were all clueless about what had happened to her. We were trying to think of reasons that had brought her to this point, but we were unable to figure out anything. The thought that till a day before, our lives were normal, that she was fine and we had slept peacefully but then how can a morning be so devastating and strange, kept lingering in my mind. But as it is said “God has different plans for us”.
Things were not in our control. We left her in peace, thinking she would bring herself back after sometime. But deep inside I had a strong gut feeling that I have lost her. I was guilt ridden of the fact that I have failed in giving her that comfort.
The pain she had had in her past life has now started to reflect upon her.
That day seemed like a year to us! The Agony of losing her was making me feel terribly vulnerable. Tears were no longer a way to express grief for me. I felt as if I have lost the meaning of my life, as if somebody has choked my throat and yet I am unable to die. I was just hanging in between, neither I knew how to bring her back to normal nor I could figure out what had triggered her to experience such PAIN!! Watching her like this made me weaker and miserable.
No body slept that night. Not even her. She was engaged in the virtual reality of hers and I kept staring at her with a hope that she would regain her senses, look at me once or call my name.
Based on personal experience.
