Stresslaxing is “being so stressed that relaxing makes you more stressed because you’re not working on what’s making you stressed.”
It’s paradoxical, given that people who experience stresslaxation may need to do something relaxing to de-stress. This can turn into a destructive, vicious cycle in which they can’t alleviate the stress they’re experiencing—which could result in having more negative emotions and panic attacks.
Not everyone will experience stresslaxation. Some research suggests that people who have anxiety may be more prone to it.
The most crucial thing is finding a relaxing activity you enjoy. Whether that’s cooking, gardening, or even running, it’s important that it helps you switch off from your day’s stress.
“Calm down" is something many of us hear when triggered or experiencing intense emotions, but it isn't helpful.
The problem with the phrase is that it often puts people on the defensive—insinuating that their reactions are the problem. Even if this has some objective truth to it, and that indeed their reactions seem out of proportion to the situation, getting them back to emotional equilibrium will likely not be helped by accusing them of having an "inappropriate" reaction. Moreover, it feels inherently invalidating to have someone tell you that your feelings are too big in proportion to what happened to you.
Another problem with the command is that it gives no road map for putting anything into action. When someone is angry, anxious, or otherwise upset to the extent that someone else feels they should calm down, then by definition the alarm bells are ringing—and they can't just quickly turn them off because someone says so. And if the person saying "calm down" sounds anything but calm themselves? Then they're likely just adding fuel to the fire of escalation.
The next time you are tempted to tell someone to calm down, pause, take steps to slow down your own stress response, and try out one of these other interventions instead.
If you're a procrastinator, then you've probably asked yourself at some point "why do I procrastinate so much?" or "why do I keep procrastinating even though I know that it's bad for me?". These are important questions, since understanding why you procrastinate is crucial if you want to figure out how to stop doing it.
What do you think is the root cause for you?
How are you (really) doing?
To us, a "mental health check-in" involves being honest with ourselves about how we are doing holistically (i.e., mentally, emotionally, physically, etc.).
These are some questions that help prompt us to honestly explore our inner experience.
So, how are you doing today? Share your thoughts in…
Relationships are opportunities for us to engage and belong and carry our unique and distinct wharf into another diverse and inimitable weft. They can nourish and strengthen us on mingling but can also weaken, break or crush.
Here are some resolutions you can follow to improve your relationships -
1. Self-work - As a therapist, I strongly advocate self-work. Self-work begins with self-awareness, understanding what we bring to the table, our own baggage, our exposure or the lack of it without judgment.
2. Empathise-
Empathy extends into accepting and respecting differences keeping in mind the various life experiences of your relative.
3. Let go of the past-
The best way to cope with your past is to use it as a learning lesson. The desire is not to forget or wipe out the past, but to take away some value from experiences no matter how painful they were.
Parents today often look for teachable moments – and opportunities abound.
There’s good reason for this. Research has shown that engaged parenting helps children build cognitive and emotional skills.
Too much parental direction, however, can sometimes be counterproductive!
While a secure and happy family environment is considered a bare necessity for healthy growth and development, there is a fine line between caring and caring too much.
Adding to the pressure on children, considered the future, are those parents whom place mountains of responsibility on their children. One can only imagine what the child goes through.
Sleep deprivation, eating disorders, excessive worrying, cheating, burnout, loss of interest in hobbies and withdrawal from friends and family can be among the consequences of excess pressure.
Good parenting requires parents to nurture their child’s strengths and help out with their weaknesses instead of forcing attributes upon them. Make sure your child is happy with what they are pursuing. Instead, build empathy, kindness & courage. Just like adults, children need a ‘check-out’ time to alleviate tension and reduce stress!
Expand Your Emotional Vocabulary
How are you feeling right now? We often struggle to identify emotions, especially because our emotional vocab is limited!
“I’m happy/ sad/ angry/ upset/ anxious..”
there are so many more emotions we feel.
The feelings wheel can help both identify a specific emotion and communicate it! That’s not all- it can help us be empathetic with another when they are feeling an emotion. Correctly identified emotion in another really helps with communication, bonding and healing.
Key is to start using these emotion words ..Expand the repertoire and use them with yourself and others! At first it may seem like your are sharing too much or trying too hard.. But believe me the on my way to build a habit is to go for it and keep refining ! If you Mis- labelled an emotion- no problem .. Stand corrected but do try!! Say I’m feeling tender! Disappointed or Despair! Eager, amused or elated! You will start feeling the relief and joy in identifying which itself will reinforce the habit.
Naming a feeling and allowing it to be there indicate acceptance of it, love and compassion for self and others, the knowledge that feelings will come and go/ they change and are not as terrifying and destructive as we fear them to be.
Do try! Do share!
When facing challenges in life, it may feel like you are not going anywhere, that you are lagging far behind.. or that you aren't making progress leaps and bounds.
Know this! Forward is forward! Moving is progress! Trying is Growing!
As long as you keep moving forward, moving on, look in new directions, try new solutions - you will definitely achieve growth, learning, results and build resilience.
The impact of Covid 19 and regaining balance.
The COVID-19 pandemic may have brought many changes to how you live your life, and with it, at times, uncertainty, altered daily routines, financial pressures and social isolation. Information overload, rumors and misinformation made your life feel out of control and made it unclear what to do.
It is natural to feel stress, anxiety, grief, and worry during the COVID-19 pandemic.
Learning to cope with stress in a healthy way will make you, the people you care about, and those around you become more resilient.
Prioritise therapy during these times. Online or Offline
Therapy is a powerful tool for your mental health, especially during such isolating and stressful times.
Don’t be afraid to try something different, vocalize what you need and expect, and be willing to meet your therapist halfway as you do this work together.
Ofcourse it may not be the same as offline one on one counselling, but having had thousands of sessions online I assure you that medium aside, counselling is an important resource in these times and can have a powerful impact in your life.
The Importance of Accepting Help
Creating awareness and acceptance around the field of mental health has been an integral part of my job.
The pandemic has presented so many people with needs for mental health support and it must not be avoided.
Talk to a counselor just as you would talk to a doctor if you have a physical concern.
Ignoring mental health, avoiding psychological support and or bottling up emotions will eventually impact the health of your body as well.
Normalise therapy. Reject stigmas. Challenge prejudices. Talk about it.
Be a part of this “mental health revolution” and make your contribution!
What to try with someone who is depressed?
Do you have a friend who’s living with depression? You’re not alone.
Worldwide, over 300 million adults and children live with depression.
Let’s go over a few things one can try with someone who is depressed -
- Listen empathetically : Let your friend know you’re there for them. You can start the conversation by sharing your concerns and asking a specific question. For example, you might say, “It seems like you’ve been having a hard time lately. What’s on your mind?”
Keep in mind that your friend may want to talk about what they feel, but they might not want advice.
Engage with your friend by using active listening techniques :
- Ask questions to get more information instead of assuming you understand what they mean.
- Validate their feelings. You might say, “That sounds really difficult. I’m sorry to hear that.”
- Show empathy and interest with your body language.
Help them with a daily task :
Your friend may not be aware they’re dealing with depression, or they may be unsure how to reach out for help.
It is also possible that depression may leave your friend so tired and down that they don't even know what kind of help to ask for. Be prepared with a few specific suggestions, which may include:
- Could you use some help with housework or grocery shopping?
- Would you like some company for a while?
- Would you like me to drive you to your doctor appointments?
Remind them how much you love them & that they’re not a burden -
It’s always nice to know you’re loved or wanted. When someone’s depressed, they may feel the exact opposite.
Be present -
Depression usually improves with treatment, but it can be a slow process that involves some trial and error. They may have to try a few different counseling approaches or medications before they find one that helps their symptoms.
So be present for them & more importantly be patient !
Empower them -
Reach out & empower your friend to do better and that they can do better. Remind the
Awareness On Fear, Anxiety & Panic !
While many of us enjoy staying connected on social media, watching TV or browsing the internet; there are reports of excessive use, dependence and feelings of anxiety, fear, depression, and isolation.
There is news, disturbing visuals or content in any form that can trigger
fears and panic attacks.
What do we do to cope with this specially when we are exposed to content with phones constantly in our hands?
- Accept and Understand and Your Fears :
Avoiding fears only makes them scarier. Whatever your fear, if you understand and accept it, it should start feeling less overwhelming. We know when waves come forward , they also go back. So, let the fear pass over you.
Further please understand - The picture or the video on social media, or on TV didn’t cause the fear. It triggered it… Our thoughts and beliefs about the news caused the emotional reaction (fear/ panic/ disgust/ anger)..and that a more rational perception could change your emotions over the event.
- Breathe through panic
If you start to get a faster heartbeat or sweaty palms, the best thing is to try and slow down your bodies response to the stimulus. Breathing helps tremendously.
Stay where you are and simply feel your presence, without trying to deny, distract or diminish yourself. Place the palm of your hand on your stomach and breathe slowly and deeply.
- Cope with fear by managing your self-talk
Like most people, you likely have a critical inner voice that shouts at you when you are under pressure, scared or stressed. The technique for reversing this vicious cycle is to use self-talk to accept, awaken and motivate, rather than reject, ridicule, accentuate anxiety and create fear. Combating your negative self talk via positive affirmations, talk about effective action and challenging your fear stories through mindfulness, you can treat yourself more kindly and support yourself through difficult moments!
Forming attachments to happiness skyrocket our anxiety levels.
When happy we start to worry about it not lasting.
It sounds counter intuitive, but even when things are going well you may have to make an effort to keep slipping into thinking doom or troubles.
Change is inevitable. Emotions are dynamic. Happiness is a result of our perception and ability to cope with changes. No one can be in a constant state of happiness.
Anxiety likes to barge in questioning our joys, but just make sure to give yourself a reminder to stay in the present and a little reinforcement to sustain choosing happiness.
Feeling anxious? Here is how you empower yourself !
Know that feeling of your heart beating faster in response to a stressful situation? Or perhaps, instead, your palms get sweaty when you’re confronted with an overwhelming task or event.
That’s anxiety — our body’s natural response to stress.
If your anxiety is getting in the way of your focus or tasks, there are some quick natural remedies that could help you take control of the situation.
- Question your thought pattern
Negative thoughts can take root in your mind and distort the severity of the situation. One way is to challenge your fears, ask if they’re true, and see where you can take back control.
- Practice focused, deep breathing
Try breathing in for 4 counts and breathing out for 4 counts for 5 minutes total. By evening out your breath, you’ll slow your heart rate which should help calm you down.
The 4-7-8 technique is also known to help anxiety.
- Use aromatherapy
Whether they’re in oil form, incense, or a candle, scents like lavender, chamomile, and sandalwood can be very soothing. Aromatherapy is thought to help activate certain receptors in your brain, potentially easing anxiety.
Cognitive Methods to deal with anxiety & panic at home -
- Letting go of control
If there’s anything that’s certain in life, it’s that things will happen that are outside of our control. Sure, we can change our environments to reduce the chances of certain things happening and do our best to prepare for worst-case scenarios, but we can’t predict if (or when) they will happen. An excessive need to control can lead to unproductive stress, because it often puts people in an extended “fight or flight” mode.
- Value yourself
Treat yourself with kindness and respect, and avoid self-criticism. Make time for your hobbies and favorite projects, or broaden your horizons.
Gadget Addiction & Social Media Through The Pandemic With Children
Did COVID-19 pandemic make your child addicted to phones?
With classes being conducted online, children have been relying on technology for almost everything, which can be detrimental to their health.
Excessive Internet/gaming/mobile addiction, a worrying trend, has reached new heights during the pandemic, says Dr. Shwetambara - it’s important to know what addiction is. Do not diagnose or label children unless you have run it by a specialist.
Gadget diet and detox along with sharing with children how to actually use gadgets for an advantage/ choosing content carefully/ following rules and respecting restrictions will help
Children became addicted to electronic devices in pandemic, & half of them couldn’t even stay away from them for even half an hour
Here are some way through which you can control you child’s phone usage.
- Explain the pros and cons of technology to your child
- Introduce your children to board games
- Nature Therapy for your child
- Put a password on your phone
- Make a time-table for your child
- Use technology wisely in from of your children
How to diffuse a meltdown while its happening?
Meltdowns are a full-body reaction to being overwhelmed. They’re more extreme than tantrums, and kids aren’t in control of them.
Managing meltdowns is more complicated but can be solved effectively. Knowing the triggers can help you avoid a total explosion. But even if you can’t stop a meltdown, there are ways you can respond to help your child regain control.
During the meltdown -
1. Do a safety assessment
2. Be reassuring.
3. Give some space
4. Tone it down
5. Consider your post-meltdown plan
After the meltdown -
1. Take time to recover
2. Find the right time to talk :
- give your child a heads - up
- be brief
- make sure your child understands
Managing meltdowns takes practice. Learning to recognize the signs and teaching your child coping skills can help you both find better ways to respond in the future.
Key Takeaways -
1. Catch the meltdown before it really turns into one
2. Remove the I, me & myself. It’s all about your child not you
3. Make your child practice deep breathing
4. Use anecdotes from your own life to guide your child on how you used to deal with difficult emotions
Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s more about putting yourself first sometimes, taking care of yourself and focusing on your mental, physical and emotional well-being. Self-care is explored by cultivating habits that make you feel healthier, happy, and connected.
Self-care is important to your body, your physical health as well as your mind and soul.
HERE IS HOW YOU TIE YOUR BODY, MIND & SOUL INTO WHOLESOME SELF CARE -
Self care 1. Body
-Drink Water -Take in Oxygen -Sleep Enough
2. Mind
-Affirmation “ I am enough” -“I am complete”
-Be conscious, not controlling
3. Soul
-Say gratitude
-Know that you are precious and valuable. -Work towards total acceptance of the now.
Why your partner has been criticizing you?
Not meeting eye to eye but still all heart to heart?
Often we hear the best of relationships that usually started with “He/she is my biggest support of cheerleader”
quickly turns into “He/she is my biggest critic”.
At such a time I truly believe not all love is lost and the criticism is a voice usually implying another area that
needs attention.
The criticism could also mean -
-I need attention
-I need love
-️I feel something amiss
-️I miss the way you used to be
-️I feel the need to be heard out
Increasing Stress Amongst Youths
The number of youths reporting depression, anxiety, and forms of addiction are on a rise in the current scenario.
Their plans have come to a standstill, there is a lot of change to deal with. Moreover, they’ve been experiencing challenges in terms of academics, career, relations which in turn have affected their mental and physical health drastically.
Disappointments and problems seem intolerable only if you perceive it that way. The ultimate challenge is to begin with the acceptance of the situation and remember that change is the only constant. I’d urge the young to shift perspective, make the most of available resources and most importantly keep yourselves healthy, alive and functional.
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