24/02/2025
It is that time of the year again. School and college exams followed by results. Stress levels are hitting the roofs in many households. Are we “prepared”? Do we have all the answers? Do we know what the questions will be?
While we want our children to fare well academically, are we preparing them for life’s lessons?
Growing up, we had several concentric and eccentric circles of people in our lives. Parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles, neighbors…we had the village it took to bring up children. Do we have that anymore?
What does “social interaction” mean to children today? Who influences and validates their perception of success and failure?
With all the career options now open for them to make a good – even great – income, what is the relevance of academic brilliance?
Where have casual conversations at the dining table gone? Do our children help with the groceries anymore now that we can order them online and receive them in a heartbeat? Do they know peas from beans? We hung out with friends whose families we knew, but our children are unfamiliar with their own families now. Even weddings have changed from simple family gatherings in local wedding halls, to huge events organized by people who don’t even know the couple personally.
What does love mean? It took us forever to go beyond the faces and physical attributes of our crushes before we knew their minds. So many of us lacked the courage even to disclose our feelings and mostly, that turned out for the best. We are not stuck with our immature choices. We were kids and we did not have to adult before our time. Today, it begins with mind games online, even before people have met. It turns physical even before the magic begins. Everyone knows because the pictures are all over the internet, and the pressure to succeed even at unhealthy relationships is set.
The fact that our system has scheduled the biggest decision making milestones – board exams – to coincide with the most chaotic hormonal milestones of our lives adds to the distress. Adolescents are trying to make sense of unfamiliar emotions and their academics at the same time. They are having to make life defining choices at a time when they are most confused by the mind and the heart. What began during the wars and industrial revolutions to enlist strong bodied, weak minded youngsters for mundane tasks has turned entire generations of 15-21 year olds into stressed out nervous wrecks.
We do not become adults at 18 mentally. We aren’t giving the prefrontal cortex the time it needs to develop and take over. The amygdala is still confused and refusing to give up power. Entire families are walking on eggshells and dealing with mental health issues because of this lie we have been told.
Everyone is on multiple social media platforms with their masks on. It is a place where everyone hides in plain sight. There are three month online programs churning out wannabe counsellors and therapists with diplomas that mean nothing, and everyone is on therapy. We are having to read the fine print on the mental and physical health helpline websites. The lines between reality and pretense have blurred to an extent where we are never sure about whom we are dealing with. There is more information and misinformation online that ever before and we can all find validation for any point of view.
We need to return to our circles and reconnect with people offline. We must relearn how to bond with people who are invested in us emotionally, people who care. There is tremendous pressure on
parents too, to live upto the expectations of a very different generation. We are also walking the dangerous tightrope between disappointing and spoiling our children. Everyone is trying, and so,
many of us fail. We must acknowledge that, try to make amends and reset our priorities.
Some children will gravitate towards the conventional courses and others will find their feet elsewhere. There are a million career options out there today. We just need our children to know and believe that we are around, always and unconditionally. We all need to remember, now more than ever, that we can all do our best. And that is the best we can all do.
