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26/06/2023

Can Math help you build better relationships?

Here's my perspective on the most important equation for adult relationships:

Relationship Capital = Investment - Expectation

Case-in-point:
Avi and Bunny's argument in Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani

Avi says, "Tu bhool gaya hume Bunny"

Bunny says, "Yaar Avi thoda chill kar. Mein uljha tha waha, mujhe apni life set karni thi"

When we love and care for someone, and they feel the same way, we end up spending a lot of time with them, and slowly but surely, we become habituated to them.

Every relationship ultimately ends up becoming a habit, but when it does, it's important to not take things for granted.

However, it's also important to have realistic expectations for what role the relationship plays in your life. If not controlled, it can cause resentment.

Bunny took friendship for granted and didn't invest time or energy in maintaining it.

Avi had unrealistic expectations and hence felt incomplete without the friendship.

However, Aditi's friendship with Bunny never suffered, simply cause she didn't expect too much from him in the first place.

Simple math suggests that when expectations are high and investment is low, resentment, guilt and anger are inevitable.

PS: There are 6 more such lessons that YJHD can teach you, check out my youtube channel for the full video. (link in bio)

05/06/2023

"People don't trigger us, they trigger our triggers"
~ Anil Thomas

This one line is responsible for occupying my mental space for the longest time.

Case-in-point: Ved and Tara's story in Tamasha

Ved saw his conflict of personality through his relationship with Tara, and because he wasn’t ready for the collisions, he would burst out in front of her, almost as if she was the enemy.

When someone calls us out on our behaviour, our lies, our dishonesty, we tend to make them the object of our anger, the anger that we actually feel against ourselves.

That’s what is known as projection and transference.
Unfortunately, at times this destroys our relationship with the people who love us the most, especially if they don't understand the internal conflict going on within us.

Thankfully, Tara was patient with Ved, and held space for him as he was slowly opening up the knots of confusion in his own mind.

Your relationships help you explore the Gestalt of your life, the "I and Thou", in the "here and now". Use them well, and you'll understand yourself at a depth that will surprise you.
PS: If you liked this, you'll love the 6 other lessons from Tamasha we spoke about in our Youtube video.

03/06/2023

At the end of the day, all we are, are our own stories.

22/05/2023

Pain is the currency of value

In the movie Inside Out, the character of Joy initially sees Sadness as a hindrance to Riley's happiness. However, as the movie progresses, Joy comes to understand the value and wisdom of sadness. This shift in perspective is a powerful message about the importance of embracing all of our emotions, even the difficult ones.

Ultimately, Joy learns that sadness can be a valuable and necessary emotion. In a poignant moment, Joy realizes that it was the memory of Riley feeling sad after missing a crucial hockey goal that brought her parents to comfort her and strengthened her family bonds. This realization underscores the idea that difficult emotions, such as sadness, can be a catalyst for growth and connection.

You only know WHO you are, WHAT you want and WHY you want it through the metric of pain. There is no Self without pain.

Avoidance of pain is not the solution, acceptance of meaningful pain is.

[PS: If you find this interesting check our youtube channel for the full video on more lessons from Inside Out. Link in bio.]

16/04/2023

Had it not been for airport libraries and brilliant authors, flying thousands of feet above the sky would be surprisingly boring.

Finished this book in one-sitting through and through, highly recommend this and more of Devdutt Pattnaik’s books for mythology-virgins like me.

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