09/05/2026
“Freud emphasized in his theories that we, despite being the most evolved species, are still mammals. Our minds are built for survival first, then reproduction. So we are aggressive, and lustful. We are selfish, so that we don’t starve. We are also cooperative, and have the capacity for sacrifice, love and attachment. Most of us would like to incorporate these latter qualities into our sense of self, while conveniently forgetting the former.
“Or if the former exist, they exist in those people: another race, political party, perhaps. Or maybe my spouse or crappy co-worker. They are the ones who can be aggressive and selfish. I just want to get along and be kind! I cannot help it that my inner child gets dysregulated sometimes!
“This type of speaking is a net negative, I think. At least when it becomes a pattern. It’s a way of evading the parts of ourselves that make us feel ashamed. But when we are overcome by shame, we disavow the cause, and when we disavow the cause, guess what? We cannot adequately work on those parts of ourselves that may be good to work on.
“This doesn’t mean that we need to flagellate, beat ourselves up emotionally or become cruel to ourselves. I think this is part of what the “nervous system and inner child” crowd fear. That taking responsibility will turn into self-shaming. But there is a third way. Yes, it’s difficult. Most people swing between abnegation and over responsibility. The middle path is almost always the most difficult, but ultimately the most fruitful.”
Franny Talks Freud ()
My Inner Child Made Me Do It Imagine you are in a fight with a loved one, and they say something reactive and mean, while raising their voice. After things have calmed down, they tell you: “I’m sorry, my nervous system was activated.” or “My fight or flight response went into overdrive and t...